AskTransgender

Just be a human then a kind hearted helpful soul. Dally in all things till something pulls you to your personal legend.

I basically don't think there is any direct way to objectively know your gender identity.

To be honest I don't even have your level of awareness about what does or doesn't feel affirming to me, and my feelings are often self contradicting and unreliable. Sometimes I feel things clearly - like, I know I don't want body hair, or that I like curves generally. But it took me like 10+ years to figure out I like being curvy, but I don't like fat distributed in a male pattern - I thought I just hated being fat, but what I hated was having man-shaped fat.

Regarding pronouns, I was just used to what I had always been called and even now it can be jarring to be called by my "preferred" pronouns, so most of my life pronouns have just been a minefield with nothing feeling affirming or right. For me, they/them is the worst because it demands the most of other people and makes me feel the most awkward and puts the most attention on my gender, and it doesn't even feel affirming or "right". She/her is ideal, but I just feel like I don't deserve that ideal, and I definitely don't really think of myself as authentic or woman-enough to have she/her applied to me. So it can variably feel like affirmation or threat depending on whether I'm comfortable and passing vs insecure and unsure.

Figuring out identity I think boils down to figuring out what gives you dysphoria, vs what gives you euphoria. Which it sounds like you’ve already figured out quite a bit.

As far as a specific label goes, they’re meant to be descriptive. So the label that fits in a given situation is what works, and you shouldn’t have to pick one that is who you are. They aren’t meant to be prescriptive, deciding for you how you should be showing up. If that makes sense.

From what you describe, I would explore the nuances within the non binary spaces, and find some idea that fit you there, like maybe trans masc or something like that.

Your description definitely seems to me like it's describing someone towards the nonbinary side of the spectrum; as for the specifics of what nonbinary identity would fit with you (eg does your gender change over time or is it constant, do you mind not having a more specific label than 'nonbinary'?) I'm not entirely sure on only what you've said - sorry :/

I do want to just remind you though that you're valid, whatever your label is :3

And congrats on figuring out specifically what gives you dysphoria/euphoria/what body you want, it's really great to have that self awareness!

this sounds a lot like me. AFAB, dysphoric about chest, wants to trans in a masculine direction and fall somewhere in femboy/twink, trying to be "both + neither", etc. etc. i personally call myself "transandrogynous" and an alternate label i know is "transneutral".