Ask Lemmy

My children are adults now but I remember how much fun it was getting to see someone discover things for the first time.

I'll let you know when I figure it out

I just really, really like being with them. They're sweet, they're so smart, and they love me. I want to hang out with them. I want them to come to the grocery store with me. I want to play games and have tickle fights and sing silly songs with them.

But my favorite thing is probably how funny they are. I write some of it down. Most of these happened when they were three.

"Did somebody draw us?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like before we were real. Did somebody draw us to make us real?"

My son sees numbers painted on the sidewalk and asks if they're letters:

"ABCDEFG. Is that from that?"

"What if it was someone's birthday when they already passed away? That would be sad. Then they wouldn't be able to eat their cake."

My wife helps my son to use the potty, and she takes off his jacket first:

"Mommy, did you forget where my penis is? Did you think it's up here? It's not. It's down here."

After I read my daughter Rikki Tikki Tavi, which features a snake named Nag:

Daughter: "Nag is tall. Nag is as long as you are tall."

Wife: "Is he five feet long? I'm five feet tall" Daughter: "Snakes don't have feet"

When searching for the opposite of "inside out", instead of saying "right side in" my daughter called it "un-inside out", which I think actually makes more sense.

"You need to behave."

"Ok. I'm being have."

Finishing a long conversation with the cat:

"Next time I'm going to teach you to say words."

My third child will most likely be born this week, and the thing I'm looking forward to most is late night feedings. People complain about those and I can't sympathize. I love them.

There'll be a day when I'd give anything to go back and relive those moments, holding my baby at 2am, singing them to sleep. It's a perfect moment.

I was never that big on the idea of kids before I had them. I deeply, deeply value my independence. But this is good too.

Don't let them fool you. It's the fucking best. You love them, they love you. It's awesome.

What makes it bad is not the children, it's our system build not to cater for it. You have to function like you don't have extra responsibilities which inevitably creates stress.

I love seeing them develop skills and interests. I don't always agree or enjoy them, but I try to understand those things as much as possible so I can relate and watch them develop into real people.

Kids are hilarious and they will laugh at all sorts of nonsense. The kind of laughter we rarely let ourselves experience as adults, just uncontrollable, belly hurts, don't even know why you're laughing so hard. I like when my kid gets kind of delirious at bed time cause he's so tired. He forgot how to say "idea" the other day and just pronounced it in weird ways for 5 minutes and cracked himself up the whole time. They remind you what it was like being a kid and how hopeful and exciting it is. They are brutally honest. It's reminded me of a lot of the foundational things that make life worth living that we often slowly shed as life gets full of responsibilities and whatnot. But the great thing is, you can choose to be silly whenever you want. Even at my big age. I like the daily reminder. Oh and also it's a pain in the ass to raise them lol, but ya know, worth it.

3.5 months in with the first baby. It's a massive commitment and we're going through the trenches but holding that baby and getting a smile makes it all worth it.

I can't wait to make memories with them and hopefully more babies cause I had a few siblings growing up and it was fun.

Studies have down that people with adult children tend to be happier than older, childless people. Unless you're a total piece of shit, children give you social contact after all your friends are dead and gone.

My three kids are adult and living on their own.

My wife mentioned that she'd like to see them for her birthday. I texted them and they are all coming to visit the day before.

They still care about us, even though I am a piece of shit. Just not total I guess. Or maybe they tolerate me for their mom.

Could also be the free food, but whatever, I'll take it.

I'll add that raising kids is a strange experience. The things that are easy to quantify tend to be bad. Those are the things that you can describe easily in a way that someone without kids can understand.

The good things about raising kids are mostly just feelings. They are harder to explain, and they don't tend to make his stories.

On the one hand, you're paying a $500 insurance deductible because your kid misjudged the distance to a bollard during a driving lesson. On the other hand, you're hanging out watching a movie together that you watched as a kid.

It's hard to explain how hanging out outweighs the cost of the repairs to someone who doesn't have kids. It's even harder to explain that the comparison isn't even close.

Cuddles and playtime :) my youngest is just at the toddler stage where they grab your hand and direct you where they want you to go and I love it.

Also, when you're carrying them and they snuggle into your shoulder. Melts me every time.

Yeah, parenthood is stressful. I have less personal time. A loooot less expendable income. But when I pick my 3 year old up from daycare, and she's so excited to see me, you'd think she hadn't seen me in days, my heart just melts. It's so interesting to hear her take on things. The stories she makes up with her toys. Hear her describe what's going on in her abstract scribbles.

She loves music. Michael Jackson, The Wallfowers, and Sam the Sham are surprise favorites at the moment. Aside from the soundtracks to Frozen and the Little Mermaid.

Seeing her get excited about things that we take for granted brings joy back into my life. Even something mundane like a Spirit plane coming in to land by the airport by us. She was so excited because it was yellow. Ford Fusions are "Shark Cars" and she always loves pointing them out. Putting stuff on the checkout conveyor at the grocery store. Turning on light switches. Riding Sandy ar Meijer.

Now, she's getting into board and card games and it's so cool to have family game nights. Primarily dominoes and Uno. I have a ton of weird vintage board games in the basement I cannot wait to bust out when she's older.

I could go on and on about why I love being a dad. The day she was born, from the moment I held her, I knew that I would fully be capable of killing someone. As long as I am alive and capable, I will do everything in my power to keep anyone from harming her. She is everything to me.

The cuddle time THEY initiate.

Especially if they just feel like it.

It's like when a cat chooses your lap to sit down times 7.

I have a lot of kids. Here are my highlights....

I get told many times every day that I'm loved.

I have a box on my bedside locker with all the tiny gifts I've been given over the years. It's over half the surface area of the locker In it go small rocks, sticks, drawings, little notes, flowers (dried), whatever. Anything given unexpectedly and with love. I did put sweets in it for a while but that caused a mess.

All the kids who still live at home are comfortable enough to snuggle in with me on the couch to watch a show or movie. The eldest of those is 19 next week so I really consider that a win.

I get a morning hug every morning from my youngest.

I feel very lucky. Kids have been such a gift to me and I try really hard to be a kind and loving dad.

My oldest when I pick him and my youngest up from school one day:

"Dad, have you ever heard of Dungeons and Dragons."

Me with tear in my eye thinking about all the books, miniatures, dice, and other accessories from playing D&D since 1978. Only stopping when they were born because I didn't have time and my wife and I had moved 500 miles to a new city. This was before the days of Roll20 and other VTT's and I didn't know anyone in this area back then.

Many "shitty people" have many children, so I feel like it's my duty to future generations to raise kids who will not be pieces of shit. So far so good 👍

Do you remeber whe you were a teenager and you found your crowd and at wierd moments you all started to laught uncontrollably because of somthing not-so-funny-in-retrospect that no one in the word would understand? You never laughter like that since. It was painful it was amazing it was happiness... and love probably.

That's the closest I can thinke off to what's being a parent is like. It's not it. But I don't think it could be fully explained. It's a transformative experience and there is no other way to experience it than being transformed.

Yes, its all those terrible thing you hear about. It is really hard. And its undoubtfully worth it.

I have a preschooler. I love watching her grow and learn. I like sharing in her successes. Ever since she was little when she would do something she was proud of, she would look to us for our smiles and claps. She’s become so much more independent lately: picking out her clothes and getting dressed herself, doing small chores like feeding the dogs and cleaning up her toys, and buckling herself in her car seat. She’s started doing activities/classes/sports on her own so it’s been great to watch her develop her personality without mom or dad being right with her. She started reading in the past few months and I like sitting with her and hearing her read. I like the ridiculous things she says, especially when she doesn’t have the proper vocabulary (like calling ankles “feet-wrists” and saying her “shirt is trying to be a hood” when she couldn’t get it over her head). I like when she wants to sit and cuddle or when she asks me to play with her.

Don’t get me wrong, it is very trying and requires a ton of resources in time, money, and patience. But… developing a person is a neat experience. It is good for evaluating your own thoughts as they form their own. It is genuinely fun often. They are varying degrees of hilarious throughout childhood. They bring pride. They are often good interlocutors and they love. Hopefully they contribute to the world.

In addition, it has a big impact on social life, which can be good. You meet other people, have a good idea of how the world is from the perspective of youth, and you participate in events one otherwise wouldn’t.

everything can be funny, everything can be goofy, and having a good laugh always feels good

A good part about parenting is watching them become who they are. You can push them in a direction, you can can guide them, you can try to help them, but you get what you get. They become who they are no matter what, but you get to see it. Every soccer game they win, every game they lose, you watch them adapt, learn, and grow.

The hard part about parenting is watching them in pain or struggling. To them it's the hardest thing they've ever done, and to try to convince them that the pain they are going through will pass is not going to happen. They have to experience it themselves. You cannot hand them your wisdom, they have to earn it.

The very best part about parenting is that even through times where I am a flawed, hate myself, and depressed there is someone there who sees me for the effort I put in and not through my own lens. I may hate me. I may battle myself. I may look in the mirror in disgust, but when they look at me they see everything that I don't. It keeps me going.

I have someone to play D&D with again. I have four kids, they all have at least one hobby in common with me, plus they're all into D&D.

Ooh, getting to share your hobbies with them too. Once my oldest was 5 or 6 years old we got to do so much fun stuff. Watching old cartoons I grew up with, playing DnD and Risk, it's all great.

Im trying to enjoy the toddler stage of my youngest kid as much as possible but im definitely looking forward to getting to nerd out with him in a few years. Ive got like 5 Warhammer armies ready to go, I haven't even played in a few years but once hes old enough its go time.

My favorite is deep-diving into their interests so you can explore them together.
Trains, Whales, Space, Minecraft, Dinosaurs, etc.

I absolutely love when my son reads something that I didn't know and has to tell me all about it.

My favorite thing is learning things together. My kids express interest in things, and sometimes we do them together. When my first kid got interested in playing an instrument, I picked up the one I had not played in 10+ years, and we (re-)learned together. (At least until they got way better than me.) Other things we have learned together: playing tennis, snowboarding, 3D printing, building hutches for rabbits.

Seeing their personality develop over time is amazing and so much fun. I love giving my toddler sips of water because he gets to enjoy the same beverage as me and let's out a refreshed "ahhh" sometimes - too cute. He also gets super excited to see our cats... Like he'll be sleeping then the cat walks in and he pops up to proclaim "cat cat cat, gat-oh!" He also loves reading with his mom and me. I adore when he brings me a book and relaxes in my arms, helping to turn the pages while I read to him. Baby cuddles are magical.

My heart honestly grew 3 sizes when my son was born. Yes there are new challenges, but I'm so excited to spend my life with him and to watch him learn and grow.

I loved everything about being a parent. Sure my kid had his moments, we all do and that was ok, because I like to think I was raising him to do things the right way.

Also when he got to late high school and finally off to college is was also very nice to enjoy my free time and let him deal with his own labors of life.

Having conversations with kids is fantastic. I love seeing their ranges and choices of vocabularies, and what they get excited about when talking to you.

Seeing children learn and become their own person is pretty awesome, even better when it is someone you raised. It is a long term project that has a ton of difficulties and learning experiences and other memories.

Like a more demanding pet!

I've only been a parent for a few weeks, but so far it's seeing him develop skills and understanding. He can't crawl, but he's getting better at squirming. The basics have been fascinating.

Cuddles

one day when I die, someone will remember me long after I'm gone. hopefully fondly, but not expected.

I'll be honest, I never wanted kids. I love them, I provide and care for them. is my life richer because of them? 🤷 no? I just hope they grow up to be better than me and live fulfilling happy lives. I can't ask for much more than that.

to anyone who is trying to force you or "change your mind" about having them, I'll ask you this. If they can't respect your boundaries on this, why would they respect your boundaries on anything else?