this post was submitted on 13 Jan 2026

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531

Things I ruled as a child (piefed.cdn.blahaj.zone)

submitted 3 days ago by compostgoblin@piefed.blahaj.zone to c/onehundredninetysix@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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[–] bytesonbike@discuss.online 15 points 2 days ago

The "Humans don't require rest outside of sleep" still hurts me to this day.

As a kid, I would just doodle after a test or long reading and it was fine. I doodle during work after a long project, and coworkers start asking questions.

If I'm resting while at my desk, I have to pretend like I'm angry at whatever I'm looking at on the screen so nobody bothers me.

During lunch times, people try to form little parties like "Ah were going to Fajita Hut to get some Sushirittos" and I have to lie because if I tell them I'm taking a nap, they get upset for not "bonding".

[–] applebusch@lemmy.blahaj.zone 32 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I've got some

enjoying things is a sin and if you enjoy something it will be taken from you or used to punish you
wanting something is a sin and expressing your desire means you will never get it
having emotions is a sin, and expressing your emotions is a sin, unless they are emotions you're supposed to have
disagreeing with an adult is a sin
children are property with no rights at all

[–] laranis@lemmy.zip 15 points 2 days ago

Holy trauma.

[–] RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

You live in a place where social workers are an urban legend

[–] applebusch@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I mean these things weren't taught through anything as explicit or obvious as physical abuse (except spanking I guess... hmm). No one would know how painful my childhood was if I didn't tell them, and even if I did a large proportion of people wouldn't see any problem at all. Mostly it was constant negative feedback for perceived shortcomings or disobedience, and the complete lack of positive reinforcement or affection. Their authoritarianism and the impossibility of their punishments changing my fundamental nature meant punishment eventually extended to denying me anything they could think of. Anyone on the outside would probably say my parents were doing their best with a "difficult" child. That their actions came from a place of "love". But really it was two neurodivergent people passing their trauma and abuse onto me. It was subtle, slow, and insidious emotional damage, accumulated over years.

[–] RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Is there some child abuse hotline where you live? Like Telefono Azzurro in Italy?

[–] mirshafie@europe.pub 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

My parents taught me the opposite of these things and I still turned into a rude asshole that puts way too much pressure on myself and others.

[–] Mubelotix@jlai.lu 2 points 1 day ago

That's their point

[–] trslim@pawb.social 98 points 3 days ago (2 children)

my parents always say, "oh you just need to apply yourself sweetie." And im like, you think I dont fucking apply myself every fucking day? You cant stand the idea of me being bad at something? It makes me angry.

[–] vzqq@lemmy.blahaj.zone 66 points 3 days ago (1 children)

ADHD kids are bad at applying themselves. They heard that line A LOT.

[–] ChicoSuave@lemmy.world 30 points 3 days ago (1 children)

"you have so much potential"

[–] zea_64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 2 days ago

Surely if we just destroy your self worth you'll unlock that potential, right?

[–] biggerbogboy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

It’s just like how parent teacher interviews went for me through the entire 13 years I was schooled, “oh he doesn’t ask many questions”, well maybe either you barely taught me about a topic that it’d be embarrassing to ask a question or I know so much about the topic that you should be asking me the questions, rarely anything in between, but they still kept saying I don’t ask questions, as if that really adds value to the way I get educated.

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Also not asking questions could just be because you have nothing to add or say, same thing with general social interactions if I respond with a grunt it probably means I heard you but I ain't got nothing to add.

[–] biggerbogboy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago

Yeah exactly, that too. I usually tend to zone out and think about my interests instead, since all the classes were just a whole lot of yap and basically just saying everything needed for 10x longer than it should go for, then they wonder why students couldn’t keep up in many sessions lol

[–] ImgurRefugee114@reddthat.com 63 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I'd bet the poster has autism....

[–] SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zone 35 points 3 days ago

And shitty parents

[–] HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club 40 points 3 days ago

And/or ADD

[–] Randelung@lemmy.world 40 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Stupid rules like "only refuse once". You have to refuse once because it's considered polite to offer, even if they don't want to, so you have to refuse once. If they actually meant it they can now go "oh, but I insist", at which point you should accept, otherwise it's impolite to refuse.

[–] zea_64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 2 days ago

Now I see why people have to clarify "no means no"

[+] lath@lemmy.world -22 points 3 days ago (5 children)

Remember those parents forgetting their toddlers in cars on hot summer days? Being forgetful is a sin in the sense that if you don't work to resolve it early or be mindful of it, that parent could one day be you.

The happiness vs potential is kinda shitty. But the world's a shitty place. Having the skills to cope with it is overall better than not. A balance should be sought.

Some consider rest and restful activity as different, but yeah, all work and no fun makes for a dull child. Or something like that.

Physical encouragement is seen as education in a world where education is woefully underfunded.

Intimacy with strangers can be considered as unburdening your worries unilaterally unto them. This can be seen as rude or unwelcome when affected by social woes.

Etiquette at its core is a form of respect, mindfulness and appreciation. However it is a representation of snobbism when applied artificially.

[–] Filetternavn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Except that being forgetful isn't something you can magically fix. Take it from someone with severe ADHD, I wish I weren't as forgetful as I am, but there is nothing I can do about that for most things. "Resolve it early" is such an ableist and completely dismissive take that I can't see how anyone would ever believe that's a legitimate answer.

That isn't what the post is about. It's about the fact that society (specifically neurotypicals) believe that fulfilling the expectations of what others have for you is more important than your own happiness. That is the product of late stage capitalism, and is an utterly depressing way of viewing people. It distills people into simply the role that they serve for you, dehumanizing us. You can't seriously be defending that? "Oh, you have a complaint about how the world works? I don't care, learn to deal with it". People are allowed to have disagreements about how things work and point out the disservice it does to humanity. Your ignorance and dismissal of that fact is insensitive.

Still being dismissive; it's very clear what they're talking about, and you do nothing but whine about semantics by pointing this out.

Missing the point completely here. One should be allowed to decide who they show physical affection to. It is not our responsibility as humans to serve the needs of other people against our will, yet that is exactly what we are expected to do.

Where is this one even coming from? I see nothing here about intimacy with strangers. If you're going in order through this list, I can only assume you're talking about the point discussing informing people of your preferences? I don't see anything intimate about that whatsoever. I certainly don't see anything even remotely alluding to "unloading your worries" onto them.

Etiquette, at its core, was invented by the rich as a way to seem superior to the poor. It exists solely to enforce classism through meaningless mannerisms that serve no positive function. It exists to serve rich people with a superiority complex, and to degrade those of lower class. It isn't a form of respect; it's an artificial system that was created so the rich can look down at the "uncivilized" poor.

See? I can be dismissive of your entire comment, too. Except my points have an actual basis in reality, which seems to be missing from much of your comment. :3

What are you doing here, anyway? You see a post indicating the things that someone has learned through childhood trauma, and just make it your mission to invalidate all of their experiences? For those of us who have experienced the same trauma (mostly us neurodivergent folks), this post serves as a relatable way to lighten our mood, by acknowledging our shared trauma. There is nothing "dark" or "upsetting" about this to anyone with a soul. If your first instinct when hearing about the grievances someone has with the world is to attack them for speaking their truth, then I hardly have to wonder what kind of person you are.

[–] lath@lemmy.world -3 points 2 days ago

It's not about magically fixing forgetfulness. It's more about exploring the subject from every angle. Accepting it can't be done should only happen after everything has been done. But it doesn't mean the exploration should ever stop.

You bringing up society as a united front when it's been made more and more clear how disjointed it really is makes me chuckle. Every culture has its set of rules. Every group of any kind looks to instill its own private little values into the tolerated mainstream. And the mainstream is just a hodge-podge of ideas that some will fight to the death to defend for some dumb reason. If you feel dehumanized for any reason, then that's an issue of your own self worth that you should look to solve.

You see whining and semantics. Why can't I do the same? Or am I not allowed for some odd reason? Rest is associated with sleep. Because most people can't sit with an empty mind. They think, they plan, they worry. This way the body might regain some energy, but the mind will still exhaust itself. A restful activity is meant to relax the mind as well as the body. It's slower, yet more balanced. How would that lack a basis in reality?

I never said one shouldn't show physical affection towards those they care for. I gave an example as to why someone would do it differently. It's not a blame game. Different people have different priorities. If you can't understand why they would do things differently, why do you expect for them to do so for you? By saying you're different, one would expect that comes with the understanding the same can be said for the one you differentiate from. You're different from them, they're different from you. Or else, you're not?

Interacting with someone and telling them your likes or needs is a form of intimacy. You intimate to them details of yourself. That creates a superficial from of burden where they decide whether to respect or reject these preferences. This might be particular to specific situations because it depends on one's own outlook on things. Can't say i understand it much myself, I threw it out there because it seemed to fit at the time.

Etiquette, at its core, was invented as a personal religious ritual through which one grew closer with their worshiped spirits or gods. Later it separated and grew into a religious form of control, which the so-called nobility incorporated to showcase their "superiority", but also into sets of organized rules in regards to certain practices. Medicine relied on etiquette to promote the washing of hands before eating, using clean utensils instead bare hands. Education relied on etiquette to promote the correct methods of using and maintaining learning materials. Etiquette, at its core, is order among the chaos. Disparaging it because it was practiced by those you don't like doesn't help your arguments.

There is little of my reality in your points. And i presume there is little of your reality in mine. Our perceptions of the world don't match. But make no mistake, i make no attempt to dismiss yours, it's just that we're different in train of thought and so, can't really understand each other all that well.

[–] javasux@lemmy.world 61 points 3 days ago (1 children)

"I'm gonna take this vent post about childhood trauma, and go out of my way to invalidate and be dismissive of every point individually. That will surely be helpful for others with similar trauma engaging with this post."

-- You

[+] lath@lemmy.world -15 points 3 days ago (2 children)

The post isn't positive or helpful. It reinforces negativity, feeds anger and increases overall stress. The dark side doesn't have cookies, it feeds on suffering, both of oneself and to others.

I don't see why a momentary boost with long term unwelcome side effects is preferable to a steadier, but more durable approach on life.

You do you, but I still think it's bad for you.

[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The post isn’t positive or helpful. It reinforces negativity, feeds anger and increases overall stress.

To someone who hasn't experienced relevant trauma, it may look that way. To those of us who have been through it, just knowing you're not alone can go a long way. The fact that people are talking about the issues from this post goes to show that what we've been through isn't healthy - and that's a message some people need to hear before they can overcome said-issues.

If you don't need reminders that your awful experiences are valid, and that it's okay to break free from the psychological cages you were put in as a child, consider yourself lucky.

Note that it's all part of a journey. Dwelling on the past long-term can be harmful, but putting in some deep thought to where you are and how you got there can be crucial for healing from childhood trauma. Commiserating with a post like this might seem depressing to you, but for many of us it is simply an early step toward that eventual goal.

[–] lath@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Alright, it's a difference of perspectives. We walk spread around unevenly on a road unknown.

I won't delete the comment though, if that's something you might be asking. But if you think it's unhelpful, feel free to ask a mod to do it instead .I won't mind or make a circus out of it.

[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Oh, no, I wouldn't ask you to delete anything. I just know that forms of catharsis can look strange to those who don't experience the same feeling.

Like when someone finds that screaming out to heavy metal songs takes their stress away, while another person hears it and thinks, "How could they listen to something that makes them angry?" The trick is, the music doesn't "make them angry" at all. Rather, it provides a release to emotional tension that would otherwise still linger around inside a person, leading them to feel calmer in the end.

Posts like this provide a similar role, and that's all I meant to convey.

[–] lath@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Looking around, guess it's easy to misinterpret words and meanings then.

[–] SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone 20 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It is helpful. Being aware of these behaviours and how they could potentially map onto you is immensely valuable. You can't fix a problem if you're not aware of it

Sometimes you have to go through the dark to get to the light

[–] lath@lemmy.world -4 points 2 days ago

And how is my comment not going through the dark to get to the light? I see a dark post and I'm going through it to show a bit of light on things. Just because some people disagree with what the light shows doesn't mean they should crawl back into the dark and hiss at what they see.

[–] TrousersMcPants@lemmy.world 34 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Good job at being an insensitive prick

[–] TerrabyteMarx@quokk.au 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

You could, I dunno, block this instance? This isn't Reddit m8, we don't want to hear your shitty hot takes.

[–] lath@lemmy.world -5 points 2 days ago

No. Everything is a shitty hot take. Tis the way of meme generation.

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 13 points 3 days ago

Remember those parents forgetting their toddlers in cars on hot summer days? Being forgetful is a sin in the sense that if you don't work to resolve it early or be mindful of it, that parent could one day be you.

No joke, that worry kept me up on more than a few nights because I'm forgetful as hell.

While my kid was that young, I had a stuffie that was in their car seat when they weren't, and it went on the passenger seat anytime they were in the car. Thankfully nothing ever happened, but that was one of the many anxieties that came during the pandemic...