Ask Lemmy

Good morning. How are you?

Fine, and you?

Technically that was two lies because I did not care how they were doing.

"Good morning"

The morning had, in fact, not been properly evaluated and I could at the time not fully judge whether it was "good" or not. It was definitely cold though, but I did not want to say "cold morning" as that is not one of the expected greetings.

The morning turned out "good" after a full evaluation, so I fortunately did not have to go back and apologize for any misinformation.

« I understand » to my conspiracist friend

"How was your Christmas break?"

"Good."

My sister asked me if I thought her infant/my niece was cute. I said yeah.

All babies are fugly and gross annoying blobs.

"Yeah, I'm doing okay."

Told my cat he was a good boy five minutes ago that is a very questionable statement at the very least.

“Everything will be okay”

"I love you, mom"

(what I really mean: "Please don't abandon me, I still have separation anxiety issues because of your emotional neglect/abuse")

No, I don’t know where your chocolate buttons are.

(I ate them earlier in a moment of weakness)

"I crashed my car while I was learning, too, it all turned out alright" to a kid who had just had a collision outside my house with a parked car (not mine). He seemed to be taking it pretty hard. I was in a collision while I was learning to drive, but the lie was that I was at fault, when in fact I had been rear-ended by a distracted driver. Also, my car was written off, so "turned out alright" is subjective. I'm an open car-hater, and frequent attendee of the fuckcars communities here on Lemmy, but I'm not so proud as to not put that on-hold for a teen going through Baby's First Car Accident.

Today my friend's gf challenged me to an arm wrestling match to prove to her friend that she was as strong as a man now. She's started doing karate a few months ago and she never stops talking about it. She's super proud of the results she achieved. Anyway, they asked me because I happened to be closest guy in the friend group to her. I thought it was a joke and so I put out my arm while barely applying any pressure, but she was taking it seriously. She was clenching her teeth and holding her breath, and her face started turning red. I felt nothing... but I felt really bad for her and didn't want to humiliate her in front of her friend so I pretended to struggle and lost.

Yeah, I'm going to keep working here.

Most recent white lie: probably something I said not to hurt another person (cute baby/you did great/how could he/etc).

Most recent indecent lie (to save my own ass/to defame or to hurt somebody/etc): I have never tried drugs.

Diabetic. Told my wife I was at 134... More like 334.

One of my kids left a piece of candy corn for the tooth fairy last night, hoping to fool them into leaving money for the "tooth".

So I pretended to be astounded when he found a note from the tooth fairy this morning, saying essentially "nice try!" in my wife's left-handed handwriting :p He did get a penny out of it, though!

I definitely did not accidentally break my ArchLinux (BTW) install for some time because I failed to read the wiki entry for grub when switching from systemd-boot.

Totally didn't happen.

I never lie.

I lied about my bonus this year to a girl I started talking to on Tinder because I fucked up and accidentally told her the real number, which is much higher than normal.

"Living the dream."

"I've never told a lie."

Nice try DHS

My wife asked how many different games I'm regularly playing each day.

I can't tell yet

I am going to finish Retropo on that model today. Ahahah. I might have to do it all again :))