this post was submitted on 05 Jan 2026
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[–] Robert_Kennedy_Jr@hexbear.net 83 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

He was just trying to reconcile with the father he never knew he had.

[–] JDvecna@hexbear.net 40 points 3 weeks ago

"let your ancestors guide you" but they led him directly to Vance's couch

[–] thefunkycomitatus@hexbear.net 34 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

no way this is not his kid. idk what the dna test says or his "real" parents say.

[–] tactical_trans_karen@hexbear.net 10 points 3 weeks ago

I really hope this gains traction in public discourse.

[–] Hestia@hexbear.net 6 points 3 weeks ago

You see, when a man loves a couch very much…

[–] LeninWalksTheEarth@hexbear.net 26 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

that beard is really doing wonders isnt it? also the eyeliner lol. very gender affirming.

[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 51 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

ok 26 is kinda pushing it but you're going to tell me a mugshot like that is an adult man? that's a large son

[–] Kefla@hexbear.net 38 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Our large adult son arrested for the "crime" of enjoying a nice evening walk through the vice president's home

[–] Civility@hexbear.net 18 points 3 weeks ago
[–] hotcouchguy@hexbear.net 19 points 3 weeks ago

specifically, Vance's secret large son. Returning to confront his absentee father. Probably.

[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 50 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

Vice President JD Vance on X: “I appreciate everyone’s well wishes about the attack at our home. As far as I can tell, a crazy person tried to break in by hammering the windows.”

Grotesque way to casually speak about someone whose probably mentally unwell given the previous case of trespassing they have was judged "not fit to stand".

Here in the UK even the tory voters I know would cringe at this "crazy person" shit, they would say it's vulgar and lacks any class.

[–] Pentacat@hexbear.net 39 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I think “vulgar” and “lacks class” are must-haves for American hogs.

[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 23 points 3 weeks ago

Very christ-like behaviour of the self-declared christians

[–] acab_means_cop_Dva@hexbear.net 22 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

jaby-vance The first US VP Office to have a separate 'hitler-detector Discord chats' and 'Press' box for outgoing official communications.

[–] KobaCumTribute@hexbear.net 43 points 3 weeks ago

Going off the mugshot he's practically the spitting image of Vance himself. Are we sure there's not a switcheroo situation going on where an imposter (Charlie Kirk, who faked his own death for social media clout) captured and switched places with Vance (who was lured to a secluded location by Kirk's wife where Charlie jumped him and stole his clothes), and this is the real Vance trying to get his life back? Maybe the imposter just bleached Vance's hair and smeared Nair all over his face to get rid of the beard so no one would recognize him anymore.

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 37 points 3 weeks ago

He wanted to see if JD really looks like the memes from twitter?

[–] MaoTheLawn@hexbear.net 37 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 17 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

willem de-foot

[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 13 points 3 weeks ago

when I was reading the article (i'm lying i clicked it open) I thought it said willem dafoe, lol

[–] ZWQbpkzl@hexbear.net 34 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Is this guy gonna turn out to be like Crooks? It might get interesting if political assassination replaces school shooting as the misanthrope's pastime.

[–] christian@hexbear.net 8 points 3 weeks ago

That possibility might be the most plausible reason for hope in a long time.

[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 7 points 3 weeks ago

tell the school shooter kids that there's a better way to impress jodie foster

[–] ConcreteHalloween@hexbear.net 29 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

He looks like JDs illegitimate son

Maybe he wanted DNA to prove it.

[–] ClathrateG@hexbear.net 6 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Well tbf the cultural Marxists haven't gotten around to legalising marriage to couches yet

[–] Notcontenttobequiet@hexbear.net 26 points 3 weeks ago

This just immediately reminded me of the Paul Pelosi hammer incident

[–] TankieTanuki@hexbear.net 17 points 3 weeks ago

He just wanted to say hi. What's the big deal?

[–] pierre_delecto@hexbear.net 10 points 3 weeks ago

got a vehicle too, I salute his style

Come on, Vance is still alive, it's too early to break in and steal the holy relics.

[–] PoY@lemmygrad.ml 8 points 3 weeks ago

he was previously arrested for trespassing at a psychiatric hospital but found not competent to stand trial? what. the. fuck?

[–] SkingradGuard@hexbear.net 6 points 3 weeks ago

Did the fascists already blame the left on this? Lmao

[–] InevitableSwing@hexbear.net 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh, my psycho, knock three times on the window with a hammer
Mmm-mmm, twice on the pipe if tell ya to go

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt5uNQ3FXRI

---

I totally forgot the second line. And in my parody the second line doesn't make sense but there was no way I was going to miss using "Mmm-mmm, twice on the pipe".

[–] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 1 points 3 weeks ago

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

[–] lib1@hexbear.net 6 points 3 weeks ago

It’s giving Arthur Fleck showing up at Bruce Wayne’s house

[–] CloutAtlas@hexbear.net 5 points 3 weeks ago

He has the face and hair of a medieval European monk that tends the gardens of a monastery that houses some obscure relic even the Vatican forgot about.

Like the Holy Toenail Clippings of Christ or Mary Magdalene's Femur or Sawdust From the Workshop of Christ the Carpenter or Lazarus's Jockstrap