I've been trying to get into meditation. Yesterday I had a really good experience except for one minor problem: it makes me hyper aware of the mismatch between my brains map of my body and my actual body. Basically it made me dysphoric. Does anyone have any experience with this? It was weird
traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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It's really annoying when women are drawn with messed up proportions, boobs and butts shouldn't be 5 times the size of someones head.
Guy who draws women with tiny heads:
Any other trans folks here in Berlin got a free room/apartment available? Wont have a place in a few weeks :/ mein Deutsch ist nicht gΓΌt und ich bin ein student
Local group was actually much more understanding of dysphoria then I necessarily expected, it was nice. Glad I shared.
voice dysphoria
Although people tell me my voice sounds like a woman's, it absolutely doesn't though?? I sound like a guy in their 20s. And like duh, ofc I sound like that. But multiple people have told me they think I have a nice voice or it sounds like a woman's, I mean I guess they're being nice idk..
voice gendering
Not sure how much time they spend listening to trans fems talking, but I know I automatically gender typical early-voice-training transfem voices as women. Like one time I was listening to a streamer being surprised when they were correctly gendered over the phone and I was confused why they'd be surprised. They just sound like a woman to me. So I asked my cishet cousin for his opinion and (after I insisted I just wanted his honest opinion and there was no right or wrong answer as long as it was his sincere opinion cause he was clearly hesitant to answer), he said he'd have gendered her as male if judging just by voice. I still think streamer has a more negative opinion of her voice than what reality justifies: we are often our worst critics.
So, no clue if they are just in an unusual group who've have expanded how they gender based on voice compared to the average population, if they're just being nice/afraid of offending, or if you just sound like a woman to average people. Nor could I give any sorta of realistic judgement. Either way, every person sounds like themself, so if someone is a woman then they automatically sound like a woman, so it ain't a lie.
I can't say without actually hearing your voice, but there are a number of different factors that go into gendering a voice. They could be picking up on something real.
Want me to send a voice clip when I get home? And you can tell me if there's any specific thing there. Dw if not
Sure why not? I'm not an expert or anything but I can give you another opinion.
spoiler
It's possible you have a naturally bright resonance, or you have a varied intonation (rising and falling of pitch while talking, as opposed to monotone), or you could have strong articulation and a soft or small voice, or a combination of the above. There's a lot of things that go into a voice beyond pitch, and a high pitch isn't necessarily required to read as feminine.
Shout-out to all those who learn about trans people and stand up for us because for some reason you just really care about trans rights. I'll be waiting for you with your hormones of choice when you're ready 
This was me for literally 2 decades. I fought with my partner about trans rights so many times. If I'd had just one trans friend I could have figured things out so much sooner 
Also shout-out to those that do this who are actually cis, I'll still be waiting with your hormones of choice and other gender affirming care because everyone deserves to express and live their gender the way they feel fit.
These past mornings been feeling real emotional almost cried just now listening to wizard of earthsea, le guin is so damn good at portraying emotions like fear and doubt
I felt this way listening to left hand of darkness. She's so talented!
she is one of the all-time greats for sure
The earthsea series as a whole is insanely good. The growth of recurring characters over the books, as Le Guin herself went through decades of her life and was able to approach femininity and masculinity through a different lens later, is really special as well.
I would love to have your thoughts on each book, and on the series! I can never have enough thoughts about Earthsea.
Well still need to get to the rest of the series but I loved this first book. My first intro to legion was from a collection of short stories of magic and I loved her style then. The way she handles magic felt special the power of names really bring to mind the power of language of how we try to understand the world around us one that existed before us. I did feel with it being written 50+ years back it probably set the stage for a lot of other magic stories so I was anticipating some twists and turns but just the way she writes personal horror and trauma really spoke to me. When I get around to the rest of the series I'll @ you but so far I liked it
if you like emotional fantasy and you haven't already you should give robin hobb a shot
I see all the audiobooks on the app I use any you recommended for starters?
this is the beginning and is as far as i've actually read as i fell out of the habit not too long after. first one is Assassin's Apprentice. there are several sequel series that follow the same characters if i'm not mistaken, or at least take place in the same world
i read them when i was quite a bit younger so my memory of them is pretty vague but i do recall being struck by how uncommonly front and center the emotions of the main character were, and how out of genre it felt (for lack of a better way to put it). anyway hope you enjoy!
I'm going to have to start working out, the horror. Noooooooo
Also, is muscle loss that bad? I don't need to be strong, but I need to not be weak
strength loss definitely creeps up on you, i have done nothing to maintain and the difference is pretty stark from 3 or 4 years ago
Hmm I'll probably start exercising regularly to mantain some strength
Personally, I've started from a point of being seemingly weirdly strong for how I don't work out at all or do much physical labor (probably mostly being taller than a lot of people and overweight) and I haven't had any issues with strength in just doing things I've always done 1.5 years in. I probably can tell a difference in my peak bicycling speed, but its not really something that affects me. But when it comes to things like moving furniture, I haven't had any issues due to decreased muscle mass.
Otherwise, good news. I found out that the health and sanitary administration of my country is very based and cool. Opposite to the medical regulation thingy, which is transphobic, reactionary and deeply unserious
Nevermind this. Seems like they were just oblivious. Still, they are cool and regulate stuff nicely
It's bad when someone fucks up rice. Making me regret eating rice is hard hard HARD ! I love rice no matter the form. I even adore plain rice! I don't care if it's cold, old, sticky, wet, hot or not!
how about if it's...hard?
one of the worst things is when there's a hard layer of rice at the bottom of the rice pot and it's a pain to clean
I have been reprimanded by my mother in the past for chewing on handfuls of raw uncooked rice.
idk this feels weird to post, but positive
Very nice actually feeling something on my chest in the shower, very comfy, it feels right.
Get used to the feeling. It's wonderful 
Ooooo, yay! 
I got cauliflower earlier now Im gonna make chicken wing style florets and fry em. Yum yum
I love cauliflower wings. I hope they turn out good.
For as smart as I think of myself
, I don't take care of myself or my house. And when I have bursts of actually doing stuff, it makes me feel happy and that everything is alright.
Being a functional person feels like it should be so easy, but I'm so bad at it.

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