Sorry to year your experience with your bottom surgery and attempts at getting support in the past have gone poorly. From what I've seen in the past, lemmy trans spaces tend to be better than that.
I don't really have any advice unfortunately. It seems like its difficult to try to get a phalloplasty after having a vaginoplasty; even if you can find a surgeon who is willing to try, there's higher risks from my understanding and you may have to do a lot of self-advocating to get the surgeon to be willing to try.
Not exactly what aspects you miss about it, but would a packer potentially help? Seems like it would be worth a try?
I hope you can find some peace regardless of what it takes.
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