Ask Lemmy

Ask to borrow a pen. Throw it at the interviewer's head. Ask to borrow a pen...

Spit on my palm and go in for the handshake

"The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races" --Homer Simpson (OK the quote was about getting out of jury duty but I think it fits here)

How much for getting hired ?

As the title suggests, blow a job interviewer in the first 30 seconds will blow a job interview in 30 seconds

Actually as someone who does sometimes do interviews: acting like an asshole with a big ego will wreck your chances big time.

Sit down, look at the picture of the (child aged) daughter of the person interviewing you, and ask if she's single.

Blow the interviewer

So, how many holidays are there and how much are you offering, if I decide I'm interested?

I'm autistic, trans and chronically ill.

Do you have gluten free food in the cafeteria? I can't have more than 4 people around me at any given time. Where's the toilet for non gendered people?

Should just about do it I suppose.

"All professional decisions I make come down to a simple question: what would Marx do"

"Thanks for your time, but this job isn't for me. I wish you good luck finding your candidate, though."

Fart into my cupped hand while making (and not breaking eye contact) and proceed to "throw" it in the interviewers general direction. (Extra points if you can do this with a straight face)

"Here's my card. If you wouldn't mind signing it and giving it back to me, we just need 30% to get a vote on forming a union."

Repeat everything the interviewer says back to them in Yosemite Sam's voice, but punctuate every sentence with "bitch!"

Instructions unclear, dyslexia made me blow the job interviewer.

I’ve had 4 interviews since June where I withdrew myself from consideration in the middle of an interview. I didn’t bomb; just decided the company wasn’t for me.

You can always just say “I don’t think this is the right fit, I would like to withdrawal from consideration but thank you for your time.”

Shortest interview was about 4 minutes, not quite 30 seconds, but it would have been about 30 seconds if he showed up on time. When a CTO shows up late, wearing a t-shirt from their home office while I’m interviewing for a 100% on site role, that’s business casual attire; I’m not even wasting my time talking to this dude.

A few years ago I'd have said a Nazi salute.

But now I have to ask clarifying questions, like the location of the interview

Just tell the interviewer how great their feet look.

Blow a job. Remove the a. Instant fail and a felony.

Just keep trying as hard as I can

“I’ve always been on the lookout for great places to start a workers union.”

I had to read that title a few times. As it potentially could be its own answer: offer a blowjob

…I know, I’ll see myself out now..

What? Thats easy?

"Hi what's your name?"

"Suck yo grandpas wrinkley wang on a Wednesday!" And walk out. Done.

'My Myers-Briggs is NSFW'.

“Why do you want this job/to work here?” “I’m just looking for something interesting to do for a while, get out of the house a bit. This sounds interesting enough.”

They hear: I don’t need a job, I may not need money, I may already have a job, I’m not picky about where I work so I’m probably not planning to stay, I’m likely to be weird or high maintenance, I’m very likely to move on quickly if I’m no longer entertained, and most importantly, I don’t need this specific job so I won’t take abuse of any sort.

This does work to land food service jobs, though, because they don’t really care. They gain and lose staff so frequently that if you just aren’t a complete shitshow you’ll get the job.

This reminded me of:

Oh I did this one once! I interviewed for a job as a construction worker, and my first question was "what's the pay" and second "how the fuck do you expect anyone to say yes to that".

They also had an apprentice working on a roof right next to us with absolutely no safety gear in sight.

Try to set up the interviewer with my friend "who isn't as bad as they say"

How strict is your sexual harassment policy?