Ask Lemmy

That's not normal. I'm sorry you had to go through that mate.

I grew up hardcore conservative, southern baptist, very anti non-straight etc etc.

What you just described would appall my bible thumbing parents.

My folks found me looking at "objectionable" porn too. They didn't get weird about it. The old man just talked with me about sexuality and privacy and of course God as well.

My upbringing sucked. And I have a lot of issues with my folks. But what you're describing went beyond even what I went through, and I thought my folks were fully crazy.

Good luck fam. You'll be alright.

They used their religion to justify callous behavior and invasions of privacy.

my dad would lean against my door

Creepy, not normal at all.

he picked the lock of my door

He's fucked up in the head. No one does this.

he said “nothing” with an unsettling smile

He's a pervert. You're not.

he could prove it by revealing

He's a psycho, no one does this. Ever.

my older brother got into my journal

Another psycho.

“God told me to do it.”

Yep, psycho.

I'm sorry you had to live through this but it's not a normal behavior. I wish you the best for the future without them though because I know that it can destroy someone.

you grew up in hell

Sounds pretty fucked up to me. Normal people will just accept you for who you are, whatever that is. Well, unless you're a serial killer or something, but as long as we're talking about consensual sexual preferences they should stay well out of your stuff.

You have a fucked up family full of fucked up people doing fucked up things and pretend fucking god told them to do the fucked up things.

Man, my heart goes out to you, you got some weird family members.

Me personally, I would write them off untill they can treat me with the respect I deserve.

yea sorry about your hell

That sounds typical for conservative Christian households, but is deeply unhealthy. It’s a huge violation of both trust and privacy, and also extremely, overtly bigoted. So, common? Yes. Normal? No. Healthy? Absolutely not.

(It’s probably not a majority of conservative Christian households that do this, but it’s not seen as bad in that community, and is therefore relatively common compared to the overall population. It’s also not unique to Christians. Many fundamentalist religions exhibit this sort of strict, spying-enforced behavioral control.)

Wicked people do wicked things. Good people do good things. But for a good person to do wicked things, that takes religion. (Paraphrased from Steven Weinberg.)

"God told me to do it."

The first time I heard that as a teenager, I made sure nobody ever felt comfortable saying it around me again.

Some mild stripping, knocked over glassware, and "speaking in tongues" later, sorry god made me do it.

Hi! This was very similar to my situation! Yeah, it took me until my 30s to understand what happened and think of it as abuse. You survived abuse.

For an American Christians™️ this is disturbingly common.

This is toxic as hell.

I suggest therapy to deal with your family. It sounds over compensating to prove yourself to them, a form of people pleasing that often comes from abused childhood.

It's likely there is so much more abuse in your childhood that went down but you do not have the perspective on to see how terrible it was.

Sounds like both your dad and brother are gay and also extremely abusive. Fun fact, just because someone is a blood relative doesn’t mean they have a free pass to be in your life.

Hell

No, this is not normal. Or at least my upbringing was nothing like this. I grew up catholic (until 12) and my extended family is fairly conservative. While I did fall into the cishet paradigm, no one was spying on me and looking for evidence I wasn't.

Is there anything you didnt share that would explain further why they did what they did? Can you think of any reason they would suspect you?

Even in conservative households, that's weird. If your dad had blown up right there about the sinful things happining in the room, I'd get it more. What he actually did was inexplicable. And the older brother thing is just awful.

Since it was two incidents total, I won't go straight for hell, though. Like maybe it was but I'd need more information.

That sounds pretty fucked tbh.

That’s not normal behavior for family members

Yep. Sounds like you grew up in hell.

That's incredibly controlling behavior from them. The privacy violations are egregious.

I dont need to read much past the title. Anyone who uses the term "degeneracy" unironically in trying to control the private lives of others is probably a shitbag and they definitely should be told to fuck off.

That's not normal. You were the victim of abuse.

It's not common at all. What the fuck, dude

By just reading the title I can say that you grew up in hell. Now let me read your description to see if it was normal hell or super hell.

Edit: So it looks like you grew up in normal hell. Which doesn't diminish the impact it has on you. I personally grew up in normal hell but had friends that grew up in super hell.

There's probably a lot you have yet to process. I still randomly have shit come up two and half decades later and realize how abnormal it was. Also fuck your dad and your brother. Both them are assholes that are probably repressed dipshits. I hope you can get past it and not let it fuck with your life too much.

Still there? Find a chair or board you can use to prop under your doorknob so it's unopenable even if it gets unlocked from outside.

Diaries aren't safe, ever. It sucks but it's true.

It kinda sounds like you're doing your best to just live your life and that's what they are so intrusive over. Sounds more like they want you to force yourself to suffer for religion as they have and it pisses them off that you're doing you (figuratively and literally). I'd guess they are very sexually repressed.

Complete WTF situation. If you become a serial killer, bring this up in court for reduced sentencing.

That's insane person behavior

Those people are bad

Brother Is just a bully so thats simple. But i wonder why dad was upset op isint gay. I can think of a few reasons and none are good.

In cases like these is always better to want to distance from family. Also 200% prep any woman to before meeting family. I read enough stories that if they hold any animosity they may try bring up anything prove they are right and justify hate.

Your brother is likely a pedo. God here - I instruct you to report him and get the police to search his computer

Yeah not a single thing there is normal. You grew up in an unhinged household.

My hot take: your father is angry you aren't gay because he secretly is and has had to deny this his entire life due to his conservative ideology.

Your parents are super fucked up and should be treated as such

Sorry you had to live with that.

We don't get to choose our family.