I don't hate the word woman anymore. I used to hate it because I couldn't separate it from the way I grew up with my dad using it. Every time I heard the word in any context it just made me feel my dad's misogyny. But I'm finding it a lot easier to apply the word to myself lately, and it's nice. I mostly called myself a girl or lady but I'm finding myself able to call myself a woman a lot easier.

::: spoiler anti volcel aktion I love kissin girls its so fun and just being in a snugglefuck session with a bunch of other trans women is so lovely. Its very healing tbhtbh

Still feels kinda surreal to think that I'm a girl.

I have two friends who I think their eggs are cracking! Advice is welcome.

So I have 2 friends, one I spent the better part of this year helping with organizing and the other is my bestie's brother who I'm getting closer with.

First one, "M", started exploring enbyism around the same time as me. They changed their name and now go by they/them. Me, them, and a few others in our crew dropped the binary around the same time so earlier this year there was a lot of pronoun correcting among comrades going around. I think they are behind a few guerrilla boycott and other local agitating campaigns simply due to them inviting me to several popup groups on Facebook. I haven't directly asked them about it but the posting mannerisms are similar and they directly invited me and others from their friendlist to these groups. But recently they've been posting a lot more trans-progressive content than usual. M is an anarchist with a former self-education in Marxist theory with a focus on Black Liberation. One thing me and M kept telling our crew is that they all need to read and understand theory if the group is gonna be successful in our organizing. M is the only person in this group that I think is more read on theory than I am. We've had a bit of a strained relationship recently because M has manic episodes a lot and blew up at me over a Signal chat a while back while I was on suicide watch. I don't think they fully understood my situation so I have since forgave them and am even trying to get them a job at my employer. They recently posted a thing on FB:

trans kids — "you're too young to know!"

trans teens — "you need to go through puberty first to be sure!"

trans adults — "why is this just coming up now?"

every step of the way there's an excuse to try and keep trans people from living on authentic life and its all fkn bs

and made the comment "The whys now happen a lot!"

My other friend, "C", is still going by he/him and is top contender for more depressed than me whenever we hang out and talk. We don't hang out that much. A few years ago, we both got way too drunk at the brewery and talked about super depressing stuff(avoiding cw here but you get it). Last weekend, we were at the bar with his brother(my bestie) and fiance. Bro and fiance left and my and C hung out for most of the rest of the night. After a few more beers, he started to open up a lot about how he was sad his best friend moved to another city. We talked more and he told me how he's just been spiraling. I figured it was from the usual friend moving, job sucking sort of thing. He then said he might tell me about it later. Well, later happened. He followed me home to make sure I got back safely and we talked in the parking lot a bit. We talked more about his spiraling and that was when he told me he doesn't feel like he is in the right body. He hasn't told anyone else this. I'm also starting to wonder if he had a long-lasting crush on his friend who moved. But that might be a question for another day. I'm just wondering what do do, if anything at all or just be supportive with what he chooses. My fear is that he chooses the path of "watching the TV glow" and remains unhappy with himself for the rest of his life. I did a mental health check with him on Monday and he seems to be doing better, but knowing him, this swing in his mood will happen again. Not sure what to say if he brings it up again. I did tell him I do support him in whatever he chooses.

You miss 💯% of the ducks you don't take home with you

KING GIZZ LIVE ON YT?!?!?

Looks like I will be hanging out with my cousin some time next week :) haven't talked about plans other then making a day of it.

I just painted my nails for the first time in years and the first time since coming out. Feeling good and pretty, been moisturizing so my face is smooth :) theoretically getting estrogen this week too :))))

i wish i could be more openly masc-leaning but there is a Lot of transphobia in my home environment also have been thinking of a name + pronoun change (he/they) and while many of my friends are extremely supportive if not trans themselves its still scary ! ~~im also super indecisive about the name LOL~~

how did you guys land on a name? ive tried baby name websites but nothing has really clicked so far

Apparently Ruby Rose went from identifying as non binary to identifying as woman because people told them they couldn’t be lesbian and non binary. That makes me sad. They were my first trans awakening.

My posting density is directly proportional to my mood lol

Transitioning has tested my personality and relationships more than anything else. Especially my personality. I did not think I was this incapable of trusting other people. I did not recognize the overwhelming "mental distance" between me and everyone else. And worst of all, I really did not expect the level of casual transphobia in my circle of friends or acquaintances.

When you get accused of always barking in vc even though it happened a couple of times at most

They don't warn you as a trans lesbian that your thumb ring might get caught on your nipple bar while taking off your sports bra.

Every single one of my students and each of their parents so far as respected my gender identity like I'm some kind of normal person or something. Why can't the people who say they care about me be like this?

I can't get over how good it feels that I didn't even have to come out at this job. They asked me my pronouns when I got the job like they ask anyone else and they show up on my profile when students find me or are assigned to me. I don't have to do fucking anything at all special to be gendered the way I want. I just show up and it happens. I was helping a student with SAT stuff today and I heard her mom ask in the background "did you show her your PSAT scores?" And it felt so goooooooood because I didn't have to ask her to use her there she just did 😭😭😭😭😭😭

A student yesterday said goodbye to me by saying "I'll see you next time miss [first name]!" too

for a second i was gonna make this its own post but i got scared so i'm gonna just post it here

someone published a paper on puppy girls and tbh its really good and puts to words a lot of feelings i've had throughout my life and i think really gets to the core of what its like for a some of trans people

Down with cis

I hate not knowing what to do with a day off

My back hurts for no reason *unfathomable rage*

I didn't ever do anything to earn this, it happened for as near as I can tell NO REASON. Not sleeping funny, not doing an unsafe pull or carry, just suddenly decided it was gonna hurt.

Every single negative thought pattern I have, every bit of pity I give to myself, I want to take it out and burn it. I'm tired of it.

I ain't tolerating these useless bumass thoughts that don't do the chores but leave behind a big mess every night! Apologies for the capitalist language, but I'm going to evict these frauds and losers.

Leaving work early today because I just can't. My boss decided to let his boss know so now I look real dependable too. And I have another busy two days ahead of me. Fuck me.

I'm changing a professional registration to reflect that I'm actually female. And it's amazing how many documents it wants, the forms have to be done by hand, then the documents have to be certified and then uploaded. And it's like my state government wasn't this strict. They were like "oh word? you're a chick? let me change that for you"

I feel like I might be gender fluid to some degree, but not having a femme mode fucking kills me on the inside.

Like, I really don't feel as much dysphoria as other people, and the idea of having shape-shifting powers so I can go back and forth is appealing.

If I ever got such powers, I'd spend like 95% of the time being femme ... at first. Then once I "get it out of my system" I might opt to stay masc for like 20 or 30% of the time.

And I would probably also be more comfortable with the idea of dating a girl if I had already dated a guy first (<<-- look at this buffoon, I've never dated anyone). I need to put my "get pregnant" instincts to rest first.

Trancegender

I have recently found out that you can just kinda buy crystal balls. We’re talking wizard orbs. For pondering. I know it’s silly, but I super want one. I’m unsure how I feel about this development.

hell yess i love this album, its one of my classic favs besides pendulum's "hold your color". My introduction to EDM was a mix of songs people used for World of warcraft machinima videos. and one used A&B's satellite. that then lead me to this album... and man. the timing's funny, i JUST read someone say its not really underrated and i guess thats true but i think it deserves a bit more respect. :P especially because the lyrics arent complex. they're verbose in the a way 12 yr old me found awesome-sauce. its got obvious love put into it. the kinda of loving effort ppl put into 200k work fanfics (??). its inspirational

Took my hvac tests and I did my best, I knew if I didn't go I wouldn't pass and now there's a chance. Part of me is hoping for a miracle because of how tough it was, miracles only happen if you try so I did all I could. I'll know the results in 2 weeks, I'll keep studying regardless. The dream's not ending here that I will swear on, I will drive me a fancy work truck one day doing calls and working on heat pumps.

I got some vegan nail polish for my birthday last month and tomorrow is a good time to finally put it on, it does bring up the question now which of my older polishes are vegan too and what they putting in them to not be vegan

I love being trans!!!! 🏳️‍⚧️❤️🏳️‍⚧️

I couldn't resist. We're starting a TNG rewatch