And like, I don’t want the small talk, the one-offs, etc, until the Deep Down is addressed. To me a sign that someone cares and is invested is that they want to talk about the messy stuff, they aren’t scared. There’s care, like, the act of helping, and I could use that.

How is somebody supposed to care if there is no connection made yet?

Close friendships never appear out of thin air, they're cultivated over time. How would someone even be able to offer you a real ear to listen to your problems if they don't know you yet? I don't even mean in the sense of why would they, I mean in the sense of how could they genuinely understand you if they don't know anything about you yet? Would you be able to understand someone who you met that very same day? The way people build to that understanding is through the small talk and the one-offs and the small conversations about hobbies and shared interests or experiences.

To use Aristotelian language here, a friendship of good is cultivated first through a friendship of convenience or a friendship of pleasure; "they also need time, to grow accustomed to each other; for, as the proverb says, they cannot know each other before they have shared their salt as often as it says, and they cannot accept each other or be friends until each appears lovable to the other and gains the other's confidence. [...] For though the wish for friendship comes quickly, friendship does not"

By insisting so much on addressing your Deep Down first and foremost you're closing yourself off from anyone who might actually make a connection with you, who might actually be able to help you with the Deep Down.

If you wanna skip small talk and go to deep mess talk - the people who will do that are hard to find. Think of small talk like grease or a tax, something that enables the thing you desire - deep introspection shared with someone else. You might not like grease but it makes the wheels turn without breaking down (like those analogy is breaking down lol). Small talk, showing up at the same place with people, thats how you make friends and thats how you'll find people to have those really deep conversations. Caring about someone isnt typically a struck by lightning phenomenon, you typically grow into caring about someone like a seedling to a flower. What youre describing (tell me if Im wrong) sounds more like youre hoping you buy a packet of seeds and it blooms after a couple seconds of water. Takes time, every group needs to figure each other out - are these people safe? Can I trust them with my concerns? Will they make fun of me if I share my trauma? Can I ask them for advice without judgement? Youre asking to jump straight to after norms are developed in a group. Its very brave of you to be so willing to share with people you dont know! Very few others are that brave.

You don't get social investment without investing - there's no deep care until you have some shallow care. You've mentioned on your other account and here your longing for deep friendship and a desire to skip past the awkward small talk acquantince phase - that can happen but its more like kismet or chance than something anyone can give you advice about or help you make happen (beyond just continuing to show up, be open, brave as you normally are, etc). Youre not the first person who Ive heard wants to avoid and skip all small talk and only talk about the deep stuff - presumably if yall could find each other somehow yall would be quite happy. But as it is youre like coconuts in the ocean, just gotta hope to bump into each other. So I will I stead suggest you learn to make peace with small talk and showing up regularly with the same groups and talking to those people and engaging with them (like remembering the stuff they say about their own hopes or likes or birthdays etc).