this post was submitted on 15 Jul 2025
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I purchased a relatively cheap bidet recently and it is the single best life upgrade I have ever made . It paid for itself in the first 2 months of not having to buy toilet paper (or at least not nearly as much). It is amazing, I highly recommend.
You got that bum gun bro?
All hail the bum gun
The waffle rifle
Preach the bidet gospel, brother.
So many dudes can't get over the butt stuff, it's hilarious.
2 months! I should try this out... if i was still single, a 12 pack would last me like 3 months if not more. Having a wife? A 36 pack lasts like 1 month... its literally a roll a day. It drives me nuts because I honestly can't understand how half of that isn't just waste (if not more).
Yeah women in my house use over a roll per day too and I have no idea how because a roll lasts me over a month
I'm half convinced my daughter eats the stuff.
It's a good strategy. When it exits it auto cleans.
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Two things I don’t get about bidets: How do you know you’re clean, and how do you dry off without leaving toilet paper lint everywhere?
You can check whether you're clean with a toilet paper, if you're unsure. But I did so a few times at the beginning and never had stained toilet paper (so long as I didn't stick it inside, I guess), so I don't bother anymore.
In particular, you also feel cleaner when you regularly use a bidet (like you're freshly showered), so that also makes it easier to feel when you aren't clean...
It's an assisting tool, not the primary cleaning method. Blasts off bulk material and loosens up whatever's left, but you still need TP to finish the job. A lot less, but you still need some.
As for lint, that happens regardless of the use of a bidet. Nothing changes there.
Disagree about the assisting tool. Yes, you can still find shit, if you stick your finger up your bum hole, but you don't need to powerwash your intestines to be clean. They'll be full of shit soon after anyways. So long as the outside of the door is squeaky clean, that's as clean as you'll get.
What sort of horrendously overpowered bidet do you have that can push through the sphincter like that?! And more importantly...
Where can I buy one?
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Why would you have the gun and not want to wash the deep parts and reach the intestines?
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I went to Thailand at the end of last year and used a simple bidet (called a bum gun) for the first time. The VERY first thing I did when I got home to the US was buy one of these kits for like $30 and installed it on my toilet myself. Took like 15mins and changed my life. Now whenever I travel around the US I feel like a savage, having to take a shit in hotel and office bathrooms without a bidet.
You can also buy travel bidets. Basically squeeze bottles that you can direct to the right places. Not as good as an actual bidet, but better than nothing.
I use one at home so I can use warm water instead of cold, works decently well
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scoop shit out of your ass
I think OP goes deeper than I do. A lot deeper.
Try finger but hole.
His look clearly says "WTF. 'Out' of?! How many knuckles deep do you think is normal, and who taught you that?"
Who shits anyway? Just go elbow deep, grab that sonova and drag it outta 'ere.
Which came first? Muddin' for catfish or shit-fishin' your own swamp?
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Which is why bidet is the only civilized solution.
Toilet paper is for dabbing your little tushy dry, not raking across, and smashing in, loose poopy on your ass.
Love my Japanese toilets. It's funny that people find them gross here. I think it's gross to only use paper to remove shit from your ass. If you get shit on your hands, would you only wipe them with paper?
Reading this and then immediately reading your username made me lol. But fair.
Yarp, and when you are cutting jalapenos and accidentally touch your eyes it doubles as an emergency eye wash. /s
I do love my bidet though
Toilet paper is also for cleaning the seat and rim of the bowl, every single time. Bidets shouldn't be amazing, but given traditional society, they certainly are.
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Scooping..? Can I introduce you to a thing called fiber?
Ya seriously, if you have enough structure to your poop you won't need to scoop. You can pull them out like when you make a small cut just big enough for 1 wiener in a pack of hot dogs to limit oxidation.
😳
Side note, I creeped your profile a little bit to make sure you would understand my humour, and clearly you did because you sent me the "I want a hot dog now" emoji. And I noticed you responded to someone who said Reanu Keeves was the most creative name they've seen and now I'm paranoid
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Hahahahah, you dont know how to use the three sea shells.
Get a bidet. Get a bidet. Get a bidet.
Why are we still neanderthals about this?
Because a lot of fear, outright ignorance, misconceptions, and other internalized beliefs.
In some cases people talk about “shit water running down my legs!”, so I don’t think they can visualize the water falling down into the bowl, and leaning a bit to one side to wipe dry. Or (possibly? idk) they think you stand up to use the bidet.
Another one is fear of the spray spreading bacteria around, or the like.
Then there is that the admittedly low bar for entry of installing the bidets is enough friction to not deviate from scraping-based insanity.
I got mine in pandemic during the TP outages. I have gone through so little TP since then. My girlfriend accounts for 95% of its usage because she won't use it.
Wise move. Yep, I got one of those mega packs of tp around April of ‘21, still have entire rolls left. That pack cost ~ $13.
Also, my deepest condolences regarding your girlfriend. Not all can, or will, accept a better way when shown one.
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South park, season 26 episode 3, I highly recommend.
i still don't understand how people do this dry. disgusting.
Better than anything said in the movie
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