this post was submitted on 12 Jul 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 29 comments
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[–] OutlierBlue@lemmy.ca 52 points 3 months ago (4 children)

"Then I sacrificed myself to save you from the rules I made up myself. I could've just changed the rule, but somehow this convoluted plot line was simpler."

[–] Capricorn_Geriatric@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago

It is to show that I suffered with you for a bit. Only one third of me, to be fair, which I created specifically for that little exercise.

[–] modifier@lemmy.ca 10 points 3 months ago

One third of me gave up a whole weekend! If that ain’t love I don’t know WHAT is!

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

"Luckily there was a loophole in those rules that I (omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient) made."

If that doesn't scream, "made up by the clerics trying to avoid contradicting each other and bringing the whole house of lying cards down as they went", just keep sending money to your church. Because if a god needs anything, it's obviously worldly riches and unquestioning loyalty. We need these churches to impress everyone with the power of our god, but he's sleepy after making it all and throwing tantrums bigger than we can imagine because people were acting like the way he made them capable of acting, like cartoon villains in some cases, like a whole city whose first reaction to seeing an angel was "Let's all rape it!" So that's why you need to send your money without any questions!

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today -2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I know it’s hard to grasp but there is wisdom in this, if you care to find it.

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

there is wisdom in my bellybutton, if you care to find it

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 0 points 3 months ago

It might just be lint

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 43 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] Mickey7@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

First out loud laugh of the day

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 1 points 3 months ago
[–] Exusia@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago (1 children)

*to redeem you from my judgement, since you will never be good enough to undo you having Knowldege of Good and Evil, in the original shouldering of Collective Guilt.

[–] Mickey7@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

Isn't that called "original sin"? What a fucked up concept. Every single person born starts out in the negative for shit that they never did

[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 21 points 3 months ago

*Then I offended some of you so that you wold kill and I could forgive you killing me and at the same time kind of forgive everyone everything but not only under certain conditions.

[–] Ioughttamow@fedia.io 21 points 3 months ago

Now eat my flesh and drink my blood. I SAID DRINK IT PLEDGE

[–] Dorkyd68@lemmy.world 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

This Shit confused me so hard when I was 10

[–] IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago

It will always be confusing as long as you think about it

[–] Blackout@fedia.io 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

God: I want to smite them all and fuck off to Rigel 7.

Jesus: Please don't.

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 1 points 3 months ago

To be fair, I understand him 100%

[–] Brotha_Jaufrey@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago

I think Jesus’ backstory plays into the manipulative auntie strat where they made 1 singular sacrifice in their life and because of that you have to be grateful and mow the lawn, Willy.

[–] Doomsider@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

It confusing because no one explains that Jesus was a cultist who said everyone was going to rise from the grave and this world would become heaven. Jesus was pro zombie world so much that his followers made up Zombie Jesus to prove he was right.

[–] Microw@piefed.zip 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The Arians were right!

(I mean Arianism the faith, not the other thing)

[–] Mr_Fish@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

The guy that was famously punched in the face by Santa Claus

Real story, st Nicholas punched Arius because of the whose heresy thing, and the resulting chaos led to the council of nicea

[–] NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

“So that we can destroy all of those not chosen by god/me and rule the entire world until god/I take the even more chosen by god/me to ascend to heaven while everyone else desperately kill each other in the demon infested aftermath of god’s/my complete abandonment.”

This is not hyperbolic, that’s literally the goals of christianity and abrahamic religions in general.

[–] markovs_gun@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Modern Judaism doesn't really have this kind of view of the end of the world at all. This was kind of fad in Judaism for a while due to Israel getting conquered a bunch by foreign powers but it hasn't been a big thing for like 2000 years at this point

[–] FilthyHookerSpit@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Isn't Christianity just a blend of pagan, Judaism and Zoroastrianism? "CopyHomeWorkMeme.jpg"

[–] Mickey7@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

All religions are basically the same. They all came about by guys trying to explain things that they couldn't understand. And all of them are similar with things like a virgin birth.

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 3 months ago

loads of religions literally have the same god
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_father

[–] Emptiness@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Enkelt penkelt citronklämmis.

[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 3 points 3 months ago

Lmao!! Perfect