this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025
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Hindsight is always 20/20.
I have so many questions about the train of thought that led to this… situation.
I reckon a friend of theirs was looking for something real hard.
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Sunglasses? Really? Didn't have any better objects? C'mon.
Bread 🥖
What goes up must always come down
It's the fried ones that are the problem: crispy = sharp edges = torn bowel = septic shock = dead.
The fresh ones with the squishy exterior should feel much more like a penis going into your ass. Choose the sauce carefully - your entire GI tract has receptors sensitive to spiciness.
If you want to push the spicy level but not have a visit from Satan's eyeball, they make this great barrier ointment called Ilex. Just, uh, you have to be careful not to glue your butt cheeks closed to most folk put some Vaseline on afters. Who knows, maybe they've fixed that but i last used it regularly when I wanted to belong to the nuclear taco club but couldn't get Thursdays off, it's been a minute.
First they invented great barrier reef, now they make great barrier ointment. My God what horrors and highlights, the hubris of humankind.
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Several years back, I went to the store at the beginning of summer to get some foam pool noodles for the pool. I couldn't find them anywhere, not even Walmart.
The next spring, they were everywhere, but they all included a tag or sticker that read "Not to be inserted rectally."
So we had to go a summer without pool noodles so the government regulators could protect us against some butt stuff some weirdo tried.
if you can shove a pool noodle up yer arse, I don't think the government should tell you not too
Use summer rolls instead. They're usually bigger anyway.
Doctors don't know what you put in your but if you also shove an apple up there beforehand.
First they told us not to eat the yellow snow, now they're telling us not to stick spring rolls up our poop chutes. It's like doctors don't want us to find any joy in our lives.
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THIS IS AMERICA, GOD DAMMIT, THE LIBERAL MARXIST GLOBALISTS ARE TRYING TO CONTROL HOW I EAT MY FOOD, GO TO HELL YOU COMMIE BASTARDS
Fuckin' big pharma. I ain't sticking Pfizer's goddamn wantons up there, I'm sticking with PF Changs just like my paw-pee and his pee-paw before 'em.
just gonna leave this here https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/doctors-warning-people-not-insert-17802129
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Well, I wasn't going to before, but now I am wondering what hidden secrets they are keeping from us??
Doctors are giving this patient a new idea he'd never considered before.
Tik Tok challenges are really going to another level.
If I insert the spring rolls into my ass, will I shit them out from my mouth?
No. Secret third thing. If you find out, do not tell them.
I think there is only one way to find out...
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Doctors hate this one trick where patients stick spring rolls up their ass.
"Breaking news"
A spring roll a day…
Just watch me motherfucker
This would be bad news in an alternate reality where humans eat by sticking things up their ass and shit out their mouth.
Imagine if they were still doing that when Randy took the world's biggest shit.
The new sexually frustrated boomer trend
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