Before pee, you HAVE to rub your hands. I don't have OCD, it's just a thing I have to do so you also have to as well.
this post was submitted on 24 Feb 2025
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Everyone drives a car with one fucking seat.
All you authors, columnists, and other motherfuckers not using the Oxford comma are now in big trouble.
This could've been a delightful meta joke, and I was disappointed to see that it wasn't.
there is no more light mode for anything at all
Turn on your turn indicator, take a few seconds to check that the lane is clear, then proceed
Turn it off and on again before asking someone for help
Look up the word in the dictionary instead of just assuming you know what it means from context and usage
Dictionaries don't say what's right; they just say what's popular.
Example: say "process" out loud. Now say "protest". If the first part doesn't sound the same but each sounds normal, you've discovered something that is wrong but popular.
I'll go for a serious answer.
When driving, particularly on freeways and highways, everyone must now leave a lot of space between them and the car ahead proportional to how fast they are going - even in heavy traffic. And they must allow a car that is signalling properly to merge into their lane. (But not like a bunch of cars at a time of course)
Everyone must also start to decelerate as soon as they see brake lights ahead or notice slowing, but they have more space (starting further back in the road), so won't have to decelerate as strongly as the car ahead is and will reach a higher minimum speed or be stopped for less time when the car ahead starts accelerating again.
I believe this would mostly end stop-and-go traffic and smooth out all slow traffic (increasing fuel economy and reducing stress) by reducing/eliminating traffic waves. Probably even increase average speeds (but I'm less sure about that)
If you start a cult, I'd join.
100000% this. I legit think we should run ad campaigns to educate drivers. It's less stressful, easier on your brakes and your gas tank. If enough ppl did it I legit think it would have a decent little impact for the environment. Going from 0 to 30 to 40 mph, then quickly going back down to 0 has got to burn so much gas than just coasting between 10 and 20 the whole time
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Tabs are better than spaces
As long as a tab is just 4 spaces
- presses tab to add space between words
- changes field
i,don't,think,that'll,work
- We eating chips and popcorn with chopsticks now.
You're welcome for cleaner fingers and everything you touch with them.
-
Beer ain't getting served without some sorta pickle.
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Pets will be told about foods, walks, and treats in a foreign language as to prevent them getting excited about things they love during normal conversations
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More ducks than chickens. Duck eggs are better, duck meat is better, duck fat is better than schmaltz
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It's now so wildly normal for men to wear crop tops
You're fucking welcome
- You're getting paid for your commute time now. Your employer is covering tolls, transit passes etc.
- You're getting paid for your commute time now. Your employer is covering tolls, transit passes etc.
I wonder how fast they would start allowing work from home again.
Not that fast really. It's pretty common in europe if you can ride a train and work en route. I've even seen people compensated for driving time & gas.
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Everyone must now put off literally EVERYTHING until the very last minute.
Okay. I'll implement this change on Friday at 4.30pm.
Were you not listening?
Implement it at 4:59.
The last minute to implement a change is on Thursday. No changes on Friday, for the same reason there are no changes on Saturday.
So it should be on Thursday at 4:59.
Good point. Better just deal with it next week.
This is the way!
Auto > Light/Dark mode
Smoking joints is now illegal. Everyone must use a battery-free vaporiser.
Car bad.
YYYY/MM/DD or riot. 24H time or public execution.
I use Arch btw
Pirate everything.
Pink lemonade is better than regular.
Ramen is made with the flavour packet first, then boiling the noodles in the already-made broth.
The confirm button on a controller goes on the right. Cancel is bottom. Nintendo layout supremacy, fuck you.
You will pet every dog you see without hesitation, even if they growl at you. The tax must be paid.
Trackpad > Mouse
Caffeine is now illegal. Force yourself to stay awake and make it everyone else's problem for enforcing stupid work hours.
I can get behind most of these, but:
Trackpad > Mouse
I think you have a typo, surely you meant "trackball > mouse". Obviouly trackpads are abomnations that have no place in polite company, so you couldn't have meant them.
Caffeine is now illegal. Force yourself to stay awake and make it everyone else's problem for enforcing stupid work hours.
You know not what you say, there are strict rules about not letting me interact with other humans before caffeine. That Geneva Convention has things to say about it.
TV series now have 25 episodes a season.
Five season minimum.
All TV series are released on physical disc after one year (the creator of the show can choose a smaller amount of time if they want, but never longer). After one year it MUST BE on disc.
Blu-ray Disc at a minimum. Can choose 4k if the creator of the show wants. Can do both.
Federal penalties if the show is cancelled early.
Next
All devices that require an always on connection, must have a patch to allow the device to work if the server is ever pulled offline.
Subscription based services must provide an actual benefit. Not a “well the company wants more money so they’re just going to create a subscription service”… looking at the companies that make heated steering wheels in cars subscription based.
TV series now have 25 episodes a season.
Fuck no. That's how you get pointless fucking padding episodes halfway through the season where the plot and the characters just spin their wheels and nothing meaningful happens.
But, obviously what I mean by that is that your way is the right way.
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I'm right-handed when using one handed tools and "left-handed" when using two handed tools like axes and shovels. The hand closer to the tool bit (the left hand in my case) is only there to provide support and slide around as the other hand controls the orientation and motion of the tool.
I declare my way is truly right-handed while these right-hand-in-front-of-the-left-handers are just ambidextrous pretenders
Toilet paper only goes on horizontal rollers with the flap facing down in the front of the roll. No more feeling the back of the roll to find the loose end.
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