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Final Fantasy XI

Final Fantasy XI is the eleventh numbered installment in the… Okay, you know what it is, I’m just going to tell you about one of the storylines!

During the Wings of the Goddess expansion, adventurers will be sent back in time to experience the events of the Crystal War, a cataclysmic event that is the foundation for conflicts of the modern-day timeline. Should an adventurer choose to serve the Kingdom of San d’Oria, they will be immersed in the story of the Young Griffons—a group of children who would see themselves knights, many of whom grow into prominent characters later in life.

Among the Young Griffons, the player will find Bistillot, a shy boy who doesn’t like to be seen. With his penchant for engineering, shy demeanor, and lack of combat potential, Bistillot prefers to spend his time inside of an orcish war machine that he was able to repair to working condition.

He is often seen before he is heard, with his signature phrase, “HAAAALLOOOOOOOOO” being used to hail the adventurer. Through the course of the story, Bistillot finds his way, even contributing to the war effort with his engineering skills.

However, when another member of the Young Griffons is kidnapped and taken to the present day, the adventurer must return to the present day and reunite with the Young Griffons’ present selves! The adventurer’s first contact in the present day is Bistillot. When the adventurer hears the signature “HAAAALLOOOOOOO,” Bistillot approaches the player, but what the player sees is… a woman?? She introduces herself as Bostilette, a “friend of Bistillot.”

After the rescue mission, Bostilette comes clean. She is, of course, the very same Bistillot who was a little boy twenty years earlier. She explains that she was very sick as a baby, so her parents gave her a boy’s name so that she would be stronger and survive the illness. Once she overcame the illness, she was comfortable to reclaim her name and gender. Well, that closes the book on that story, except… I’ve decided that’s bullshit!

I have unilaterally decided that Bostilette is trans, the sickness she had was dysphoria, she stayed in the orcish war machine because she was an egg, and I hope you all agree!

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As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well. Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.

(page 3) 50 comments
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[-] Edie@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago

Sleep? What's that? limmy-awake

[-] Josephine_Spiro@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago

Can someone tell me to clean my room? If you can incentivise me with like doggirl photos that would be cool

[-] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

yeah we're coming over later to play with legos. clean your room

NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS

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[-] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago

my therapist more or less kind of straight up told me that i should either ask that one girl i like if she likes me back or to stop assuming that every girl dislikes me because they haven't told me explicitly otherwise. i guess i should probably ask if she likes me back but i'm like 96% sure the answer is no here and I'd rather not make this week any worse on me

god this week has been so fucking awful i hate everything sadness-abysmal

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[-] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

dissociation/dysphoriaI don't understand what's happening. Things should not actually be this hard for me. I should be okay. But I don't feel okay. Its wrong. I feel disconnected. And then I'll be reminded of the wrongness. I'll speak, or feel my body, or hear "my" name. I feel like I'm in a dream. But this isn't a dream.

spoiler self harm, scars I have a very strong desire to sh. I have the accidental stuff from shaving, it hurts but I want more. There's always more. I'm somehow 13 days free from using something sharp. I can't sh. I don't want to keep getting more scars. I'm already upset about what I have. :::

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[-] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

Made some hummus but I was missing cayenne so I put some sriracha in there instead. Works very well marx-ok

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[-] khizuo@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

hello new mega! i walked to class today. 0/10 do not recommend.

[-] iridaniotter@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Yeah I'm genderfluid

in the sense that most of the time I'm a she/her, but sometimes I'm an it/its. And it can be quite frustrating because I'll want to be a woman for the day, but then the it/its thought patterns will become too strong if I try to fight it and it'll take over the brain's main thought patterns, turning me into an it/its. Also sometimes this happens as a result of negative emotional stimulus. My two genders also just low key have different personalities, although it's not major enough to preclude interacting with other people, but honestly my other gender is much worse at socializing so we usually just end up switching genders back to deal with it. Although that often causes headaches. Ah whatever, at least most of the time the other gender is just some other thoughts in my head that sometimes I have short conversations with.

Being genderfluid is stressful!

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[-] thirtymilliondeadfish@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

therapist stopped practicing lol lmao

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[-] Eco@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

still hasn't sunk in that my wife will be here

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[-] tamagotchicowboy@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

CW: Dysphoria

spoilerHad to go to the gynecologist recently because my dysphoria bits have been acting up, ordered more testing but there's not much I can do for the discomfort sounds like aside from baths. For the positive she mentioned yeeting some of the bits right away. Ideal world get rid of them all at once, when I see older people remove some out of necessity the surgery is totally draining and I lack good adult babysitters despite theoretically having like 4, I ran into that with top surgery recovery.

I saved up enough to get a rusty clank for winter and importantly found someone willing to sell me it, even when you have money people aren't so willing to part with their pos one step above scrap that barely runs and I wasted like 3 hrs at a dealer last week for them to throw the deal over a few hundred dollars. Anyway, today's clank drove two hours home and doesn't seem too bad, and I think aside from the rust I or relatives can repair the other things. I always worry about being snowed in and stranded at work, my current car is pretty low to the ground and I barely got around to fixing the heater core this summer, no fun driving in a freezing car when it's 15 below and you get stuck on side roads, especially since I'm a closer and if it snows past 5 or so those roads aren't getting cleared until morning. I'd like to celebrate 'yay new car' and a year or so of effort saving, but really it means whatever tiny bits of spare time I have are going to be playing mechanic and that's for the hope of a reasonable winter car. I have another k or so in reserve to do repairs since the price was a bit cheaper than expected.

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[-] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

some thoughts on emotional repression, CW long post, childhood shit, some unkind things I've been called, references to homophobia, being misunderstoodbeen a while since I posted a proper thing here, been busy figuring some stuff out, tbh.

Anyway, so I was in a therapy appointment this past week and Cool Therapist noticed that when I talk about people or even when she says the names of my friends that I have extremely complicated feelings. Happiness - but then conflict, suppression, trying to stay neutral.

I've been mulling this over for a few days now, and I think I finally know what's going on here. I've always felt strong emotions about any person I am in contact with. I'm prone to mimicking and effusiveness, which since I was very young has been both considered "pathetic" or "clingy" and/or misinterpreted as romantic intent and I was bullied quite a bit for it.

But this morning I think I finally understand - I feel lonely because this is a form of masking that I've internalized. I got kinda fed up with myself this week and just decided that I'm sick of apologizing (to myself/to others) for the depth and kinds of feelings that I feel for people, and I did some reading on a-spec. I am grateful to the friends who heard me out on all of this stuff as I was trying to find language etc. even if it was quite intense and even upsetting for me at times due to the baggage I carry.

I discovered the Split Attraction Model. I discovered several different categories of attraction. I discovered the phrase "action is not attraction." Following is a snippet from my notes about different types of attraction in case anyone is curious (I took these from a couple of Youtube videos that I really liked, I can link his videos if anyone is interested in exploring deeper):

  • sexual: feeling compelled to engage in sexual activity
  • romantic: feeling compelled to date or be in a romantic relationship with someone (ed: this is a whole spicy thing really that I can go into, again, if there's interest)
  • sensual: feeling compelled towards physical but not sexual (like when you really wanna hug someone)
  • aesthetic: admiring someone's appearance and being compelled to look at them or draw them (I have mistaken this for other forms of attraction SO MUCH)
  • platonic: feeling compelled to be friends with someone and spend time with someone in a non-sexual non-romantic capacity
  • alterous: having a strong sense of admiration or desire towards someone, or feeling compelled to spend time with them, in a way that's hard to define as platonic or romantic
  • gender envy: i wish i had that person's body, features, life (difficult to detangle with a crush) (YES this video maker included gender envy in his list, genius!!)

Anyway, I guess what I'm getting at is that now I'm aware that I've been hiding strong feelings from some people in my life, especially a friend that I've known for over a decade. So, last night, I told her that I was really grateful to be spending time with her. It was a small gesture, but suddenly I feel like for once in a long time, the intensity and pressure that is always building up inside me was finally expressed in the right way. meow-melt And the relationship cop in my head telling me that I'm feeling too much and that's wrong (the one that really likes terms like "outsized emotions" and "fixation"), well ... it is quiet (for now, at least, I am certain that this will not be my last battle with it).

This probably seems really silly and minor to a reader, but the hard part that I've struggled with has been being able to express these emotions without them being misconstrued or having people be grossed out. The pressure builds up inside me because I internalized so much of other people's insecurities from a young age (whether it's being called gay (in a derogatory fashion), or accused of having a crush, or being called "creepy/clingy/pathetic," fuck heteronormativity etc.) that it creates so much conflict in me even just trying to have social connections that I felt trapped and lonely even by my deepest relationships because I simply cannot express myself honestly. In addition, because the feelings build up, they end up becoming stronger and stronger as well.

Today, I want to be free from all of that, and let myself actually be seen by not just my partner, not just my closest friends, but by everyone I trust. I am still working on being able to express upset/anger/etc. emotions to people, but expressing positive seemed like the easier of the two so I started there lol.

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[-] yewler@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

transphobic parents

Sometimes I have a hard time applying the word woman to myself, but every time I think of the word daughter it almost brings me to the verge of tears because I want that so bad and I'm probably never going to get it.

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[-] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

I need to eat something today, I've had coffee so far, yeesh. Never made it a day without eating. Usually I have the opposite problem.

[-] KrupskayaPraxis@lemmygrad.ml 15 points 1 month ago

Got accidentally misgendered by my teacher, even though he only knows my deadname from my school accounts. Same story with a classmate a day before

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[-] Babs@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

So a coworker is being hugely transphobic online. He doesn't say anything explicit at work, though he notably does leave the room whenever I or my trans coworkers enter the office. We are a culturally-specific organization that works with a lot of trans individuals. Leadership is saying that because he's just saying this stuff outside of work on social media, it's fine.

How do you work with someone knowing they hate you in their personal life?

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[-] Wmill@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

It's so easy to skim the mega looking for theory than to actually go to different comms tbh, speaking of which anyone got any recommends? I need something to listen to as I half exist today pls and thank you napstablook-chill

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[-] Luna@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

Someone just asked for my pronouns! This is the first time someone outside of my family has, and I think he's cis too! To be fair, I'm not boymoding or anything like that...

I even said she/her! I didn't lie! I'm not going to use the neos IRL (at least for a while), and I'm kind of proud I could bring myself to answer with she/her. Feel like I'm making progress 😁

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[-] Luna@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Y'all can look at the previous mega, I was just having in gender thoughts, found a good name, and was wondering if and when my gender would change.

Well...Guess who's back

Back again

[Femme name redacted]'s back

Tell a friend

might be getting ahead of myself, but it seems like it could and maybe has happenedThesis: Binary

Antithesis: Non-Binary

Synthesis: Bigenderism

If you couldn't tell, I'm trying to make up for a shitty day at work. I wish I could say that wasn't literal.

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[-] Angel@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Update to this comment

I have been laying down some successful rizz

I'll keep it as vague as that. Saying more could entail... "violations" volcel-judge

Still no commitments, but I really hope she does come over sometime soon. I'll likely feel a degree of excitement previously never felt before when she does.

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[-] yewler@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

I'm wearing one of my sweaters from the shopping trip out in public today 👀 feelin' gooooooood

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[-] MusicOwl@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

Another day where I wish we could post photos. My makeup and outfit are so on point today and the swelling from ffs has gone down enough that I feel so POWERFUL. leslie-shining unlimited-power

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[-] Thallo@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

Waiting for that moment after a laser session where the hair starts falling out normal

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[-] khizuo@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

c/disabled has been created and is seeking moderators!

Only requirement is that you are disabled and a socialist.

[-] KrupskayaPraxis@lemmygrad.ml 15 points 1 month ago

dysphoria, anxietyDoes anybody else feel more dysphoric and like your AGAB when in social anxious situations?

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[-] Eco@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh (obnoxious emote usage)party-blob party-blob party-blob party-blob party-blob party-blob party-blob party-blob party-blob party-blob

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[-] QueerCommie@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

Why don’t people talk more about the misery of understimulation? Shit fucking sucks.

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[-] QueerCommie@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

I think time’s slowing down a bit from breakneck pace? It’s not real but also evil. Fuck this neurotypical bs. Death to clocks and responsibilities.

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[-] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

I (accidentally) cut myself pretty badly shaving (I was doing it wrong). I then did not take care of it properly, and now the problem is worse.

At some point I'll take care of myself properly, I hope.

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[-] buh@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

If someone bawls, doggirl-tears

You pick them up doggirl-happy meow-hug

[-] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

Finally get a chance to relax today, playing my vidya while I listen to my slop

tony-cheer isaac-pog yo they named a camo after orange book in da cawadoody!!

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[-] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

The clouds won’t let me see Lady Eire doggirl-gloom

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this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2024
94 points (100.0% liked)

traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

992 readers
86 users here now

Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.

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