weird my AI crime detector says milei is guilty of incest

I bet the training set will look something like this:

I love watching dystopian movies and using them as inspiration for my policy decisions!

getting arrested because some redditor made 873 bot posts on r/shitfuck with 0 subs saying "[MY LEGAL NAME] LOVES COMMITTING ALL THE NASTY CRIMES!" and the AI scraped it

I thought the whole 'future crime' thing was something libertarians used to argue against communism?

Prosecuting people for hypothetical crimes that my Silicon Valley Racism Machine says they're going to commit is truly the most libertarian policy approach.

That comment started sarcastic, but it actually is

how do you crash a country's economy into the dirt and not immediately like lose your job as leader lol

incoming

If you ever get charged for anything remember to ask for the minority report

me, torturing weights in the model until it says shipping gold reserves for unknown reason is actually based

Watch it hallucinate suspects with 7-fingered hands.

I've seen this anime already.

Where's the gold, Javo

Asking the chatbot if person of interest is gonna do a crime, and continuing to nag it until it says yes and gives me the official AI-prediction warrant to detain them indefinitely.

Philip Dick screeching over this blatant plagiarism.

Also related the newly necromanced SIDE (imagine a CIA but only for internal affairs) will not have to present any receipts about where they'll spend the money allocated to it.

Literally worse than the fucking pentagon.

Deranged Austin Powers looking mfer

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

It's a shame they didn't implement this before he stole the country's gold reserves.

neoliberalism project but AI ig

Their evil communist thought police

Our pure and kind crime predicting AI cops

The AI in question

Comprador clown has found a novel way to sell his country out to Silicon Valley ghouls

Most eyeroll-inducing use of "Experts" in a headline.

Argentine Adventure Time

New panopticons beyond your wildest imagination