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Yeah dance being so gendered is hard. I used to do a lot of swing dance, and learned to lead so that I could dance with this lady I had a crush on, but everyone just assumed I was a follow and pairing up was awkward. Eventually learned to follow just to make things easier for everyone. Being ambidancetrous is pretty cool too.
The dancing scene is very horny, yes.
I talked about this a bit on sodium's last dance report but I used to do a ton of swing dance too. I learned to follow and lead and a lot of the guys made it really weird
One time I was at a big swing dance festival (8 hours of classes followed by nightly dances. It was intense!) and some guy once literally tried to get between me and a dance partner because he didn't understand that I was there to learn lead.