You can get your learners as far as I know. Whats holding you back? It does cost money and it kinda sucks having your deadname on ID, but then you can start to drive if that's really your goal. Its not like you even have to drive in a big enough city with proper transit but its still nice to have a learners permit I guess.

Your therapist probably shouldn't have said that, although you said that was your takeaway from the conversation. I would have a chat with them next session about how you came away with shame and guilt about "similar things breaking me that others didnt" and that you felt that perhaps the therapist contributed to that.

Everyone's journey is different, its not linear, it goes up and down. The overall trend is more important than the day to day - even if they day to day can be quite difficult. What I see is that you have a job, you are processing your feelings, you've figured out you're trans (huge, I didn't until I was older than you), you've come out to some key friends. I see progress in things happening. While I don't live in your head, I can see that there is still a LOT troubling you and you're still having quite dark thoughts and things I won't mention because I don't want to spoiler this but you already know. I don't know if that's got better or worse, your therapist might have a better handle.

That stuff takes a lot of work to get through, particularly if one of the stressors in your life is the inability to socially transition with your family who you still depend on. I suspect that weight, if it was lifted somehow (let's pretend, maybe you suddenly come into cash and can move out or they come to you and tell you they love you and know you're a woman already and its okay), would contribute to you feeling much better mentally. Because dysphoria fucking sucks and it contributes to depression and anxiety and all of that. You've got other stressors more typical of people your age that are no less - like getting a career, financial concerns, figuring out what you want to do with your life - but you've also got this big grey blob also on your back.

I hope you can start some HRT, it might help you feel better. Even just getting you on the starter antiandrogens might help a little, never mind E (would be great if you can get that). I know you have a lot of anxiety about your parents figuring out what it is, but cis people are dumb they don't know jack shit. Tell them its testosterone replacement for all they care or say it's just medication your doctor prescribed for your kidneys and by getting on top of it now you don't have to worry in 20 years. I also really hope you can keep coming out in public life, find some ally friends or LGBT friends where you can put a dress on and be yourself around if you cant at home.

i know driving is a common signifier of adulthood in the culture but it's not something you should view adulthood as being contingent upon. my partner is in her 30s and can't drive, but that doesn't stop her from being a successful adult, at least by my definition. like you, she feels differently, but also like you, i think she's being overly harsh on herself. driving is just a skill, like any other. lacking it doesn't say anything about you as a person. if any quality defines adulthood i'd say it's accepting your responsibilities to the fullest extent of your abilities. it sounds like you're doing that to me.