My buddy and I have a whole list of these…I started calling them masonism’s because he messes them up so often lol

“I don’t give a shit if he wrote the Mona Lisa!”

“I’m not attached to my hip!”

“I’m taking my own life…into my own hands!”

“How’s that for apples?”

“There’s not enough meat to play with”

“That’s a hit…and a miss!”

“If it weighs anything to you….”

“Jesus Christ! That’s slave robbery!

“Welp, I’m going to get hard at work”

“I’m making shit up out of my ass.”

“He was flopping back and forth” (flip flopping)

“I’m going to go tell this kid a piece of my mind…”

“Oh, here you go….you’re going to piss on my parade!”

“Don’t count your chickens before they turn into eggs.”

“Well isn’t that the horse calling the kettle black”

“Does a fat kid shit in the woods?”

“I can sleep through a rock!”

Ibanez AZ series guitars? Yea I know them like they’re in the back of my hand…”

“There’s a lot of onions to that…”

“I’m pulling it off my head”

“Knock the balls off!

-knock it out of the park/socks off

“That’s a double sided sword!”

“You can’t lead a horse to fish…”