Check it out - we drill a huge hole through the moon, and put a giant magnifying glass in it. Then, next time there's an eclipse...

Not enough cow bell

There was an eclipse? Didn't even know since there weren't any news of it being on my part of the world.

Guess it first need to be worlwide to create an apocalypse,

...Is it possible that when the ancient tome calls for virgin sacrifices it's talking about sacrifices by and not of?

They're so ignorant that they thought that the eclipse was global and believed that it was the beginning of the biblical 3 days of total darkness that signaled the end of the world. They are so fucking horny for the end of the world and their presumed admission to heaven that they see the end everywhere and are actively trying to bring it about. That's why they want to start a race war, and a war with Russia, and... they're trying to CAUSE the end of the world so that they can go to heaven.

What happens to the people who actually believed this? Imagine someone quitting their job because "the world is ending on Monday." They tell all their friends and family goodbye. They stop paying bills. Then Monday rolls around and....they're still here. Now what? Do they go beg for their job back? How do they face their friends and family again? It sounds so embarrassing.

How can we secure a solar eclipse induced apocalypse next time?

Nuke the moon real hard, duh

[nsfw] There's an old joke that's surprisingly appropriate.

Lucky Pierre has to get out of Paris, so he signs on a tramp steamer. In order to make the most money, the captain refuses to spend the night in any port. The ship unloads and sails out without anyone getting a chance to enjoy themselves. After a month, Pierre is going nuts. He talks to the bos'n. He leads Pierre down to the filthiest part of the hold and points him at a steel drum welded to the deck. "Just stick it in there."

Pierre is skeptical, but also desperate. He places his organ in the hole in the barrel and feels a hot mouth on his member.

Well, Pierre makes up for lost time. He's in the hold five or six times a day for the next week. Then one day he sticks it in but nothing happens. He goes to the bos'n to see what's going on.

"Guess that means it's your turn in the barrel."

So, if you want a virgin sacrifice, just climb in the barrel.

I kid.

If my sources are correct, we didn't use enough aether crystals to summon Ifrit, Lord of the Inferno. My source is Final Fantasy btw.

Insufficient orgies. We need more of them, and bigger ones.

I don't remember all the signs from Revelations, but I'm pretty sure one of them is seven trumpets playing as the sky gets their fuckery on. We obviously needed more brass bands playing. I think these guys could bring on the end times next eclipse.

No this was an eclipse, common mistake. An apocalypse is an archaic term for a chemist or pharmacist.

You have to completely unplug the sun. You can't just walk in front of it Richard.
FFS

The eclipse was supposed to be apocalyptic? I missed the memo this time. We seem to collect those things like they're Pokemon.

What did we do wrong?

We had the world running on Linux and somehow chose an Nvidia driver with ZERO problems.

Marduk rules

https://youtu.be/uD-hjTuGbAs?si=RI59txjO3fbqol5G&t=92

Because the world already ended in 2012.

We are living in hell.

Elsewhere, there was a giant hurricane. Demons now roam the world, more than used to at least, but they mostly appear as more unfavorable people. If you run into a big dude with a chunk of iron much too large to be a sword, massive, thick, heavy and far too rough, more a chunk of iron really, he's not a bad dude, just don't do anything to his girl.

Oh hey the world ended again. Cool. Can't wait for the next time.

maybe add more karens to the equation and throw in some crystals and shit