this post was submitted on 07 Oct 2026
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258
10 reasons why we should move Israel to Utah (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 weeks ago by fediverse_fremont@lemmy.world to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world
41 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

I propose a 3 State solution to the Israel / Palestine conflict.

Rather than implementing a two state solution where Israel coexists with Palestine, which we have seen they are incapable of doing, we should involve a third state. Namely, Utah.

It's pretty simple, really and I don't understand why no one has thought of it before.

Just move Israel to Utah. That's it.

Why?

  1. The biggest issue here is that Israel would be homeless were it not for Palestinian land. This encroachment on Palestine is the reason for the bloodshed.
  2. It's silly to act like there isn't enough land for everyone when we're not really using Utah.
  3. It would give the Palestinians their land back and end the bloodshed, allowing them to rebuild even bigger than before. Then maybe they could actually profit off of things like resorts and TGI Fridays
  4. The USA is a huge supporter of Israel and has been looking for a 51st state for some time now. Also since they're cash rich from tarrifs and borrowing Venezuela, they could foot the bill and consider it an investment. The taxes would pay for itself in no time.
  5. Some believe Israel is a holy land promised to them by God. The same is true for Utah, and if you forget about the whole "who is the real Messiah" debate, they're both talking about the same God.
  6. Both are kind of just shitty deserts
  7. Make SLC the next Tel Aviv / Silicon Valley
  8. The Great Salt Lake is every bit as cool as the Mediterranean and has just as rich of a history, if not more. The Miditerranean doesn't even have Great in its name.
  9. Decrease terrorism in the Middle East while increasing tourism in the Southwest
  10. The Mormons are seriously so nice they would probably just give the Israelis their homes.
all 42 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] AnalogAllamma@lemmy.world 58 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

Fun facts about Mormonism no one ever talks about (not even the Jews, and Mormons themselves):

If you're baptized Mormon, you're are adopted into the house of Israel, thus becoming an "adopted" Jew. Organizations like the JDL are well aware of this Mormon belief, yet they don't seem to care, or maybe they do but choose not to publicize it. For what reason?

Elohim is the name of the Mormon God, although his name is not to be uttered (oops!). The Jewish God bears the same name, amongst various other names, depending on which Rabbi's argument is presented.

Mormons believe in the city of Zion, as the New Jerusalem, to established on the American continent before near the time of the new mellenium. It's both a literal and figurative belief.

Related note: Utah is home to the largest NSA data center, where a lot of Mormons get hired to work there. On google maps, they changed the name "NSA Data Center" to "Utah Data Center". Check out the Google reviews for some insight on what the locals think about that place.

[–] JPAKx4@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Additionally:

Utah is not significant to the religion, it was just far enough away from the established US government to stop being persecuted long enough for them to drop polygamy.

The actual holy land is Missouri, which is the location of the Garden of Eden.

[–] CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

What is it with “chosen people” religions literally choosing the shitiest places on earth to be their “new Eden”

It’s either, desert,desert, armpit of America, etc. like, has anyone looked at like Hawaii or Cabo and went, “damn this place is nice, this is almost like it could be the garden of Eden!” No they are like. “Look! Sand and bugs! Must be heaven!”

[–] LuannePlatter@infosec.pub 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It's because these aren't actually "holy" places, they're just places where they can hide their cults while avoiding law and taxes. Abusers have more power when they can isolate their victims.

[–] CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Sir, this is a shitpost community.

~though i agree with you 1000%~

[–] adarza@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 weeks ago

The actual holy land is Missouri

in fact, the merger of the two great religions has already happened there.. in springfield.

cabela's and bass pro shops.

[–] FordBeeblebrox@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

It was until everyone else in Missouri got so sick of them trying to marry teenage girls they literally rallied the state militia to force the Mormons out.

Then, in a complete coincidence, god changed his mind to the spot where Brigham young got tired of a sore ass in a mule cart and said “this salty desert is better than another week to the ocean”

[–] kkj@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 weeks ago

Elohim is the name of the Mormon God, although his name is not to be uttered (oops!). The Jewish God bears the same name, amongst various other names, depending on which Rabbi's argument is presented.

If I recall correctly, the Jewish god's name will change to Elohim once the Messiah arrives. Mormons believe that the Messiah already arrived in Missouri, so they call him Elohim, but to Jews he's still Yahweh.

[–] humanspiral@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Elohim is the name of the Mormon God, although his name is not to be uttered (oops!). The Jewish God bears the same name, amongst various other names, depending on which Rabbi’s argument is presented.

El was head of multitheist pantheon of all Levant tribes. Elohim just means El the greatest. Allah is the same reference. Abraham would name his children IsraELites. Moses, the foundation of Zionism, would later declare that there is no god above Yahweh (one of El's minor sons charged with small Iraelite tribe affairs) with orders to go conquer all who disapprove of Moses killing them. The entire basis of monotheism is a song by King David's (non priest) musical director where Yahweh sentences to death all of the other gods. Though the incohrence of most not believing turns into his mother Asherah to become his wife, and then stories of Yahweh's resentment of shrines to his mother/wife.

Elohim vs Yahweh to Jews is a point of confusion, but reconciled to manufacture coherence for Jews as the same God that Christianity/Romans also adopted. Jesus's heavenly father, and general humanist principles, suited El over Yahweh (warmongering genocide) as a descriptor. So, a problem with our religious order is taking the same chosen people Yahweist Moses, and declaring new chosen people based on victories and destruction of Israelite temples, or later manifest destiny fabrications.

Yahweh is at best an extremely impotent god. Moses/exodus claims that Yahweh lied to Abraham to pretend to be El. The only possible timeline of Noah is 6100BC, and then having any traceable lineage from Noah to Abraham can't be that long. Moses is 1600 BC, and eventual 1010BC King David, ruled over a small shithole of Jerusalem/Judah, and paid tribute (biblical confirmation) to Philisitines that were the ones who actually drove Egypt out of Judah. So an all powerful god that predetermines all outcomes, is just a pathethic loser that led Israelites to declare their empire of shit under vassal control of Philistines, after 5000 years, to be a crown achievement of that all powerful god.

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 33 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I think Mormons would be so into this. Also, if Israel still wants to do some colonialism, Idaho is like, right there.

[–] ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.zip 4 points 2 weeks ago

Please just let Moscow Idaho get taken by Washington then the rest of the state can burn

[–] seaplant@slrpnk.net 21 points 2 weeks ago

omg "borrowing Venezuela" 😂 You're right if the US can borrow a country of 29 million people then helping an org a quarter that size move in should be nbd

They've even got Zion National Park right there! It's like it was meant to be their land

[–] fireweed@lemmy.world 18 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

How did you miss the Great Salt Lake / Dead Sea parallels???

[–] qevlarr@lemmy.world 18 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Even the most brutally militaristic occupiers and genociders should feel right at home. US does their war crimes in other countries, just like Israel

[–] Hello_there@fedia.io 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Pretty sure the Israelis would just start trying to genocide something else

[–] fediverse_fremont@lemmy.world 21 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Fortunately, the US is well equipped for handling more than one genocide at a time

[–] NoneOfUrBusiness@fedia.io 15 points 2 weeks ago

It's silly to act like there isn't enough land for everyone when we're not really using Utah.

A Utah without a people for a people without a Utah.

[–] jobbies@lemmy.zip 14 points 2 weeks ago

You can't just float an actual viable solution as a shitpost.

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago

Is that why Israel is trying to make Gaza look like the Salt Lakes?

[–] darthelmet@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago

It would be perfect for them. We have so much empty space because we already finished our genocide!

[–] zebidiah@lemmy.ca 9 points 2 weeks ago

Thos could prove to be a final solution to the mormon problem.....

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It’s silly to act like there isn’t enough land for everyone when we’re not really using Utah.

storing mormons to unleash them at our enemies is a use

[–] fediverse_fremont@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

yes but mormons are stackable and don't take up a lot of space in our inventory

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

don't you know what mormons do when you stack them? you better not jostle the pile or you'll have a bunch of new ones.

[–] FordBeeblebrox@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Can confirm, I thought a family neighbor had like 7 kids. She’s into double digits now

[–] Texas_Hangover@lemmy.radio 7 points 2 weeks ago

Oh yeah, great idea. How are you going to stop them from "settling" in Colorado?

[–] reddit_sux@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

With the news of Utah planning to replace doctors with AI I feel Israelis and their LLM infrastructure would be more than welcome there.

[–] theparadox@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago

They'd also get access to those sweet AI doctors.

[–] GalacticGrapefruit@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

My ex-Mormon ass, cackling at how fitting this would be. Mormons are such Zion-boos, they even name their landmarks the same.

Of course, I think that the Dine-Bikeyah and their relations would be pretty pissed at dealing with even more violent colonizers showing up on their doorstep.

[–] Objection@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 weeks ago

Here!? This is where you want to rest!? This is the single most dangerous place you could be situated! There are so many other places you could be, Israel, that would be safer and would cause less problems! Why here!?

Israel shouldn't have to leave! Everyone else should have to leave! They're the ones who are stupid!

Oh, Israel, you are a handful.

Fr though, they're there to act as the West's forward base to advance into the rest of the Middle East, the US's unsinkable aircraft carrier. If Israel did not exist, the United States would have to invent an Israel, to protect her interests in the region.

[–] kreskin@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

There shoudnt be an israel anywhere. No one "deserves" to supplant a population and take their land. Zionists have no legitimate claim on anyone or anywhere. They should be treated like the racist murderers they are, and they should live quietly in fear of being discovered as monsters.

[–] LocalAreaMan@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Brigham Young was right all along about "Zion". 😂

[–] bss03@infosec.pub 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Didn't Sheldon propose this in an episode of TBBT?

[–] fediverse_fremont@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

lmao did he?

I've only seen a handful of episodes. No original ideas anymore, I guess.

[–] bss03@infosec.pub 1 points 2 weeks ago

I was misremembering the location, he wanted it a bit further south: https://the-big-bang-theory.com/quotes/quote/1422/

[–] gandalf_der_13te@feddit.org 2 points 2 weeks ago

yeah i agree. only issue that i could see is that it costs money to move.

[–] FordBeeblebrox@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

Utah resident here. I fully support this idea, and Idaho is always a nearby threat in case they get too liberal. At least this way we can landlock the insane population, giving them unlimited coasts just made the Aussies more dangerous

[–] moonshadow@slrpnk.net 1 points 2 weeks ago

You sonovabitch, I think you're on to something

[–] WanderWisley@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

Makes sense. But is also a bit terrifying, especially for myself living in eastern Nevada as well as being a Native American. I have many concerns about this proposal…