chat

"your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer"

Just want to say I'm sorry people are being so inordinately horrible to you. The ableism in what these randoms are saying is pretty awful, nobody deserves having to endure that.

I used be very self-conscious and easily embarassed, it took time but I began to realise two things basically:

1. It's mostly internal, as in most of the judgement is not really other people, it's you thinking that other people are judging.

2. It's small, look at the world, your community, everything going on in life, other people's views on who you are is so little when compared. And I'm not trying to miss the trees for the forest or ignore the personal, it's just a perspective shift and it makes a huge difference.

My Mum has to take an oxygen tank with her too, at first she hated how other people would notice it but she doesn't care what people think about it anymore. And with my autism, do I still get shy and worry over judgement? Of course, and do I still get dickheads trying to pick on me in small ways (fortunately I'm quite physically intimidating so nothing major) for something I can't do anything about? Also, of course. But with the 1 and 2 above internalised, I can move on and still be happy. Takes time but hopefully you'll figure it out.

I don't really have good advice for this (it might be a shock to some but I'm not that well adjusted) but I do wanna say that I'm glad to hear you're in a position to be able to be going out more and I hope you take advantage of it as much as you can despite being anxious over people's perceptions because you deserve being out and active

One thing you could do if there's other people around is just loudly call them out on it. Make sure that everyone knows what they're doing. And do it in a way where they can't possibly weasel their way out of, like "What is wrong with you saying such a disgusting thing to a disabled person?". Usually they will get embarrassed when everyone suddenly stares at them and hurry away.

Of course that doesn't work with transphobia that well, because it's too socially acceptable to be cruel to us, but at least the ableism can be handled that way. You also have to watch out for hyper-aggressive shitheads though, as there's a high chance of them attacking you, especially men in groups

years of abuse in school.

you know your local culture, channel the derision you have for what makes them cheer into disregard for their judgement

I think about stuff I love but can't eat/do right now, pizza, football(soccer for fucking tanks), burgers, cuddles, bubble tea, watch movie in theatre, stuff like that. It helps me cope a lot with bad experiences outside of my house.

I'm not entirely sure how I got here, but at a certain point I realized that there's a circle of maybe 15-20 close friends and family etc whose opinions of me actually mean something because they know or have known me to some extent, then there's a constellation of people I kinda/sorta/used to know whose opinions of me I might have some varying level of curiosity about, but that I don't take as seriously....and no one else's take really matters.

not using / limiting exposure to social media (which enhances / preys upon our urges to compare ourselves to others + fosters negative self-image etc) can't hurt

Sock with a half brick in it? All joking aside, I don't really know. I mostly don't care what people think but, for me, I feel like that stems from extremely low self esteem and I can't recommend that to anyone. I'm sorry people are being shitty to you!

I would recommend listening to some music if you can use ear buds or something when you are out. It will help with tuning people out and help focusing on when you are anxious.

I would try to view people when out not worth worrying about as It's likely you won't see them again. They also don't know you whatsoever.

I can't give you advice on being misgendered other than people misgender others quite a bit based on appearance by mistake or if they're shitty people. Low self esteem will have it hit harder.

I am genderless and don't care for pronouns so I can't give you bwtter advice, I'm sorry.

What if it wasn't you being treated this way, but you saw these people treating somebody else the same way they've been treating you. How would you feel about them? Chances are they have done this many times, to many people. They are the consistent problem in that equation, not you. Nobody they've interacted with, in such a way, likes them. A healthy society would collectively correct anyone making fun of you in public, but we're not living in a healthy society.

People dont think about me so I dont think about them.

Im a cis guy with long hair and I've been misgendered. Thats evidence that people just dont think about others like that.

Very easy. Just be honest.

As a living being your purpose should be reach immortality with full capabilities (end/reverse aging).

If others do not follow such purpose, they have bad will or are ignorant. Both cases mean you have to ignore them, they want you dead, without freedom* and without full capabilities. Why would you listen or negotiate with someone who wants you bad?

*while aging /death by time exist all ours actions and thinking are conditioned by this fact and therefore no free will exist

Don’t forget, you’re a tiny spec of insignificant dust to the rest of the universe. “society’s” “opinion” of you doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme. Don’t let a perceived negative orientation prevent you from experiencing and surviving.

(This doesn’t work for everyone but it works for me)