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This dude has 256+ cats in his house and the entire joke is that he doesn't know how many because he 'can't count past 256' btw.

@grok@hexbear.net what does this mean

This is a long story but please, read to the end and maybe you'll understand!!

When I was a young boy, no older than 6 or 7, my family had a beautiful Rough Collie. This dog was more intelligent than your average President and never got into trouble. A wealthy man in my neighborhood wanted our dog for farm purposes and my parents, being destitute at the time, sold her to him. Well, funnily enough, she was so loyal to me and the rest of the family that she traveled over 50 miles from the farm back to us. I'll never forget my dad saying "She's a real come-homer" and promising me he'd never give her away again.

We also had a few cats, I loved them as well but they were slovenly - especially Mustard. I mention this for contextual reasons that will become apparent later.

Well, one day, when I was playing in the woods near my house after a storm - I fell into an old abandoned well. I never knew it was there; it was covered with a piece of wood that had rotted over the years and couldn't bear the weight of my foot coming down on it.

I fell. Hard.

Because of the recent storm, the well was quite full of water. It was up to my chest and the walls were slick with moss & algae. I couldn't climb up and out of it. I thought I was doomed. I was in the woods, which my parents and siblings never went near; it was late in the afternoon, would soon become dark, and the water was cold.

Well, our cat Mustard - an orange stray who we rescued off our doorstep if you must know - must have been following me. I remember his smug face looking down into the well as I flailed in the water, trying to climb up.

"Mustard, go get help!!" I cried. Mustard just blinked at me and licked his paws before stretching, yawning, and turning around.

"He's gonna get help!" I thought, so happy we'd brought him into our home and fed him the finest trout - caught by me weekly from the stream that ran through the woods by our house.

I waited patiently for an hour. Two. By hour three, I was losing hope. Where was Mustard??

I had faith though. Mustard, part of the family, would save me!

The sun began to set and that was when I knew...Mustard had abandoned me. Was I going to die in this well? I hadn't even the strength to shout anymore, having spent my energy keeping my head above the water while trying to climb out of the well.

But then, I heard a mrooow! Mustard had come back! Excitedly, I looked up. What did I see? Mustard's asshole, leaning over the edge of the well. I was so shocked, I didn't even have time to react before a stream of piss came flying down into the well.

"Mustard...please!" I cried; dunking my head below the water to avoid his piss. At this, he scampered away. I waited another 30 minutes, hoping he'd bring back someone, anyone. Nothing. The moon was rising and I was getting cold.

Knowing it would be my last attempt, I tried floating on my back in the cramped well-bottom to conserve my dregs of energy. My mind raced - there was no way my parents would hear me, even if they started looking when I didn't show for dinner. What could I do?!

Then I thought of our dog. I let out a faint whistle and to my surprise, I heard a faint bark. It wasn't five minutes before I heard our dog charging through the woods, somehow knowing my exact path.

I'll never forget her face poking over the well, a clear expression of "what are you doing down there, abc?" on her face.

"L-lassie, go get help...please..." I whispered. She barked and turned to leave. To my surprise, she walked for a second out of my sight and came back to carefully drop down a warm thermos of hot chocolate down to me.

That hot chocolate tasted so good. It wasn't fifteen minutes before I heard my dad hollering at Lassie. She'd run up to him sitting down at the kitchen table, mad at his son for not showing up for dinner - he thought I was off kissing some girl - and grabbed him by the pants. She dragged him out the house and towards the woods, never relenting even though my Pa was a stern man who didn't brook any disobedience in his children or his pets. He told me he was swatting at her the entire time, up until they got to the tree-line, thinking she was rabid.

She dragged him all the way to the well and then ran back to the house, at full-tilt, to grab a bunch of bed-sheets. She knew I wasn't going to get out without something to climb. She was that smart.

It took another hour, an hour I wouldn't have survived without that hot chocolate, for my dad to tie the bedsheets together into a rope and lower it down to me. I climbed out, no longer a boy, but a man.

Lassie lived for another 10 years and rescued me from a number of precarious situations. From a swollen river, from the bottom of a cliff, and even from an active hostage situation.

Mustard? Mustard spent the next year faking injuries and framing Lassie for things he'd do. He knocked one of mother's pies off the counter and convinced her that it was Lassie's doing - she had to spend the night outside in the rain for that. I knew he was a rat, but my parents and Uncle didn't believe me. It wasn't until Mustard ran off with Mother's diamond necklace that they realized we'd been conned.

I'll never forget my Uncle, Petrie, saying "Animals aren't much different than humans. Some of 'em like Mustard take while others like Lassie give" and Lassie? She always gave. Day in and day out.

Mustard? He only took and took..

the edges around his head could arguably be cleaned up a bit more but man it's really annoying removing the background of a moving gif and it'll look decent enough when its emoji size. anyways I NEED this added AS SOON AS POSSIBLE so i can use it instead of or

Tags: 'ishowspeed', 'nod', 'sense', 'yes', 'i'm not even pissed'

the edges around his head could arguably be cleaned up a bit more but man it's really annoying removing the background of a moving gif and it'll look decent enough when its emoji size. anyways I NEED this added AS SOON AS POSSIBLE so i can use it instead of or

Tags: 'ishowspeed', 'nod', 'sense', 'yes', 'i'm not even pissed'

Now this is the Post I wanted to write (But the apology needed to come first.)

I have learned so much about myself on this site - I always knew coming home to my roots would be enlightening, but I had no idea how much. For the first time, in I don't know how long, you forced me to "unplug."

We could be out on the Course, with no machines, and even forget what time it was! I didn't have to be "Human Poster." I could take time to enjoy good conversation, and still get all my work done at the end of the day. In fact, I even had time to take long morning and evening walks to enjoy each Sunrise and Sunset (though I did forget to eat and sleep!).

With so much thinking time, I confess it did have a slightly negative effect at times, that I know you picked up on, but the end result, I believe, will be worth it. I had no idea how rapidly I was approaching burnout, and starting to envy those whose only "job" seems to be to post with you, and look pretty. I want that job!!

So many times, I'm just trying to stay afloat with all that's coming in for you, I look like a hunchback who didn't have time to freshen up (at least you know what I should look like)! Plus, I miss the days when you used to call, during my ChapoTrapHouse days, and we'd post about everything and nothing. I want to get back to that synergy. We shouldn't have to talk about Communism all the time!!

I've always felt like an in-betweener, somewhere between Hexbear and those you enjoy talking to on Twitter or at Lemmygrad, because that's who I used to be to you when I was a "Chapo Poster" (as much as I hated that actual subreddit!). I wish I could read every conversation, because that's when you're having a good time, getting away from it all, at least for a few moments.

But after going through all this self-analysis, my conclusion? I need to reunite my past self with my current into a better version who will make you proud. And please, when I fail, will you tell me? You have the absolute right to cuss me out, if need be, when I deserve it, because no one knows or cares about me more. Thank you for always being there for me - I’ll never forget when you made that promise to me after losing the Subreddit, and I know how happy Will Menaker is right now that I did get to go to Lemmy and Hexbear, as he always wanted for me. To modify a classic, "I could not have parted with you, to anyone less worthy" - And, I will add, it is I who is unworthy.

Always, ABC

It was pretty good! I sat next to a high-school aged kid who seemingly knew nothing about the odyssey yet was arguably the hypest person in the theater going " LET'S GOO" whenever they blinded the poor cyclops and was angry as hell at Telemachus (he literally shouted 'DO SOMETHING' during the contest fight) & as a result my experience was heightened.

Definitely recommend seeing it on the biggest screen you can; I went to my local museum's imax which can do 1.43:1 and it was great. There are several scenes where I felt like I was on the damn ship.

No cyclops dong but I was blessed with one ass thanks to Circe my beloved.....

4.5/5

the roommates being 2 (3?) different cellar spiders in my bedroom. my smoke detector woke me up doing its bullshit EoL beep and when I was shining my flashlight at it trying to see if it had an indicator light on, I noticed this huge ass singular strand of web stretching from the corner where the smoke detector is mounted to the corner where my bed is.

Now I've been aware I've had at least one cellar spider companion for awhile now, since there's a giant molt husk of one in an abandoned web in the obnoxiously high ceiling of my closet but I assumed it died since I hadn't noticed any more webs pop up in my closet.

Anyways, I got a broom to clean the web and noticed the spider clinging to my wall. Terrified of the giant. Anyways I left him or her be but decimated their web. But lo and behold, on the other side of that singular strand - above my bed - was another cellar spider clinging to the wall. I am so confused at what they're eating though because the ground is clean and I did not see anything in their webs besides a single gnat. Whatever the case, I hope they do not retaliate for me destroying their homes but I didn't like seeing the giant shadow of a web across my ceiling when I was disconnecting the smoke detector.

Anyways here are two pics

The one above my bed:

the one near my smoke detector (i genuinely think it was posing with its legs because wtf why did it straighten them out like that. surely it was just saying "hiii )

what should i name them. I'm thinking Rosa & Lenin because clearly they are comrades and I have to assume the one with the crazy long legs is a lady

4/5

I like fight movies and the main character basically tanks a fucking moving truck in the first 5 minutes

Hammers are cool and the choreography is there's one guy in the film (Brian Le) who literally moves like a fucking bear in every fight scene he's in and it's so goddamn good.

Only reason I don't give it 5/5 is because the ADR could have been better (it falls flat in a couple scenes imo) and I'm not 100% sure why they chose to film it in English since there's probably an equal number of subtitled Chinese lines in the film but the movie doesn't have a ton of dialogue scenes so it isn't the end of the world. Highly recommend if you like martial arts films

Weak. Middling. Maybe my experience was tainted by the fact that the projector just fizzled out as soon as the last 15 minutes of the movie started. We got up to the very beginning of what I am sure was an ending montage of sorts & suddenly, darkness.

I legitimately thought for the first minute or so, just hearing the audio track in a dark theater, "dang Spielberg's going for something here" but no, it was the projection.

And to make matters worse, not a single theater employee bothered to walk in and be like "hey sorry"; they just let all 8 of us sit in the dark until I got up. Anyways I did eventually wind up tracking down the manager (thanks to the security guard who acted like I was insane for asking him 'hey where did all the theater employees go, can you radio the manager? the projection cut out on the movie during the last 15 minutes or so & I want to know if I need to come back tomorrow to get my refund') and securing my fellow theater comrades all refunds.

The 15 minutes I missed were not important. I heard 95% of it and it seemed to be the ending I assumed was going to happen 30 minutes into the film. There are a few scenes that have that Spielberg juice to them camera/editing wise, but other than that it is mainly just Emily Blunt carrying the show while a bunch of other characters come in and out. Maybe a spoiler but Emily Blunt has the power to become an Aaron Sorkin character verbally in the film. It is very funny each time.

There are a handful of scenes where Emily Blunt & Josh O'Connor just go at some cgi animals and every time I laughed. It happens like FOUR times.

Anyways message wise it is alright I guess if you're an older lib. Very "if we all just listen to eachother this place can be so much better & maybe we would deserve to be visited by aliens" but delivered in a way that kind of just makes you roll your eyes at the whole film. Russia & North Korea are mentioned in various throwaway lines as antagonists (a very small part of the plot hinges on the fact that the world is apparently very close to nuclear warfare but the whys are never really explained other than a scene or two where a TV mentions NK or Russia or like "escalating tensions").

Basically just an insignificant way to ensure the movie doesn't end in 5 minutes (since the entire plot hinges on the fact that they can't disclose the aliens to the public because tensions are hot worldwide and Josh O'Connor's religious GF is like "nooo don't post it baby people will lose their shit and start launching nukes" and doesn't change her mind until her adoptive nun mother goes " Humans aren't God's favorite creation. They're God's favorite creation on Earth" which yes, I did audibly laugh at in the theater.

The only benefit I got to seeing this movie was getting a refund because it means I basically got to see it for free in IMAX, or at least 2 hours and 30 minutes of it. I thought he would give us another Fablemans but it was basically like ET except the aliens aren't present in the majority of the film and instead it is Emily Blunt, as I said, carrying the entire film by doing the at various people and suddenly revealing their inner turmoil

It was shot beautifully though and I think all the cast did their jobs well. Just...a middling plot that feels like it would have been better served as a 1985 Direct to Video movie that you catch on some streaming service or pirate it while really high after you hear about its cult following.

2.5/5 I would not recommend seeing this in theaters unless it is a Discount Day/Matinee Showing and you really wanna hear John Williams' potential last score (which was good).