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How do you stop caring what people think? (hexbear.net)

submitted 3 days ago by DisabledAceSocialist@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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Now that I’m able to go back out a bit, I feel really embarrassed because I look rough as hell. My hair is falling out, I’ve got bad oedema so I’m swollen and puffy, my skin is destroyed, all red and covered in eczema and various infections. Yesterday in the supermarket I got mistaken for a man, and it’s not even the first time it has happened. A little kid was blocking my path and her mum said, “Mind out of the way, a man is trying to get past.” I’ve had a shop attendant previously say “here you go, sir,” when handing me my item. I’ve had random strangers loudly make fun of the way I walk (I have problems walking since having a stroke) and an older couple even laughed and made fun of me after one of my foot surgeries because I was wearing plastic shoe cover bags on my feet instead of shoes.

I just feel so embarrassed going out at all but I hate being stuck indoors.

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[–] PunkMonk@lemmygrad.ml 4 points 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I used be very self-conscious and easily embarassed, it took time but I began to realise two things basically:

It's mostly internal, as in most of the judgement is not really other people, it's you thinking that other people are judging.
It's small, look at the world, your community, everything going on in life, other people's views on who you are is so little when compared. And I'm not trying to miss the trees for the forest or ignore the personal, it's just a perspective shift and it makes a huge difference.

My Mum has to take an oxygen tank with her too, at first she hated how other people would notice it but she doesn't care what people think about it anymore. And with my autism, do I still get shy and worry over judgement? Of course, and do I still get dickheads trying to pick on me in small ways (fortunately I'm quite physically intimidating so nothing major) for something I can't do anything about? Also, of course. But with the 1 and 2 above internalised, I can move on and still be happy. Takes time but hopefully you'll figure it out.