When I'm feeling unsure about what labels apply to me, I can always count on trans and lesbian.
Especially after a night like that.
this post was submitted on 18 May 2026
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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Crassulacean acid metabolism photosynthesis - Trans Megathread for May 18 through May 24, 2026
(hexbear.net)
CAM photosynthesis is a clever adaptation some plants have where they turn light into sugar during the day, and only breathe in CO2 at night. This lets the plant close up its leaves so they don't lose water during the heat of the day.
CAM plants use sunlight to turn malic acid into sugar, and every night they breathe in plenty of carbon dioxide, storing it as a fresh supply of malic acid. If you have keen senses, you may be able to taste the difference between a CAM plant harvested during the day and one harvested at night because of this variation in sugar and acid content.
Having evolved several times independantly, you see CAM in lots of different kinds of plants: air plants and bromeliads, which have poorly developed root systems; cacti and other succulents, which grow in hot dry environments; you even see it in some aquatic plants. For these, CAM serves not to conserve water, but carbon dioxide - which is of course hard to come by when you don't have any air.
The "crassulacean" part of the name "crassulacean acid metabolism" is there because this phenomenon was first discovered in crassulas. Jade plants are an example of this genus.
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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
spoiler
Thinking about something my mom said earlier and crying. We were doing maintenance on the fish tank and the conversation went something like this
We were talking about fruit and my mom mentioned me being really picky about it. I joked about having high standards for it (its because of the tism I'd guess but whatever). My dad says something about me not having high standards for the fish tank. Because it looks like shit, has looked like shit, I've been fucking depressed and have barely been taking care of anything. My dad does not see this. Anyway I joke that its half his fish tank too because idk what else to say.
Anyway then my mom says they got it mostly so my life would have some kind of meaning or purpose (I was extremely, extremely depressed at that point years ago). Im crying so hard rn. She's so right. My life has had no meaning or purpose and I've known it. The fish tank has been fantastic for me. I love fish so much. I've struggled a lot to take care of it, I mean obviously look at me. But I've been so excited about it over these years, getting fish, all of it.
I wish I had a better life and wasn't FUCKING CRIPPLED by my mental issues.
if I keep talking its just going to be about suicide so I'm going to go try and distract myself. Fuck I hate emotions and crying. Just please I need life to be alright
Meaninglessness is so hard to deal with. But maybe you've also just been hard on yourself. Taking care of a little ecosystem isn't so easy. There's too much information and variables that needs to be taken account of.
Also a fish tank looking like shit isn't necessarily a bad thing (what I've heard from fish owners). Ponds and rivers are also dirty things.
Thank you peanutbuttercup
spoiler
If I wasn't trans none of this would have happened. The last almost decade wouldn't have been consumed by pain. I wouldn't hate humanity. My life would BE FUCKING GREAT. I WOULDN'T BE SO FUCKING DEPRESSED, I WOULDN'T HAVE THIS BARRIER BETWEEN ME AND MY MOM, SOCIETY WOULDN'T BE SO DAMN CRUEL TO ME. FUCK EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. I FUCKING HATE BEING A REMOVED THIS IS THE WORST SHIT I CAN IMAGINE. YOU ALL HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW AWFUL MY LIFE HAS BEEN. THE FUCKING AGONY FOR THE LAST NEARLY DECADE. NOTHING, NOTHING COULD MAKE THAT OKAY. AND ITS ALL BECAUSE OF THIS FUCKING WRONG BRAIN IN THE WRONG BODY SHIT, STUPIDEST SHIT EVER. EVOLUTION IS ONE MASSIVE FUCKING SCAM. I WAS FUCKED OVER.
I know youre going through it and venting and getting it out is healthier than letting it all boil over inside, but this specific comment should really be spoilered.
Anyway,
If you wanna read more, click the spoiler. Theres not much point in reading it if youre feeling way too much in pain, 10/10 style emotional pain, right now because none of its really actionable. If youre in that really high pain point, all I would wanna do is just and maybe if youre up to it later you can read it. Like, after a good night's sleep kind of later not in the next few hours.
click when youre ready, if you want to
Thoughts are just thoughts, they come and go, you are the mountain and thoughts are the clouds. The clouds can come on, the clouds crash against the mountain, the clouds pass. The mountain remains. You have these very strong intense emotions and dark thoughts, and they are hard, and you must still deal with them in a healthy way. Obviously, if youre in danger of harming yourself right now I would suggest emergency services and maybe a crisis line if you can get one. If youre not or youre just in a headspace where you need to get it out but not a real danger, then vent.
Your experience of being transgender has so far been very difficult for you so far, I dont know all your details and only my guesses and what you've posted. One of the biggest hurdles and pain points seems to be being closeted at home and it seems the majority of your day to day life, you've made a lot of progress and forward movement otherwise - coming out to friends, HRT (starting DIY!). When youre depressed like you seem to have been all that momentum collapses because your brain literally isnt able to track stuff beyond a long constant "now" in the same way a brain without depression can - all the future is kind of splayed out in an unattainable frame far past where it feels like you can ever travel. But if I had asked you 2 years ago if youd start DIY and come out to friends etc, you probably would have said something like "no." And yet you did have the strength to do those things even as you seem to have been profoundly depressed.
One of your biggest pain points - besides being closeted seemingly the majority of the time - is your voice. And voice training is hard even if youre not dealing with the level of dysphoria you have about it. You must still train to get a more femme voice, but it doesnt have to be right this second and maybe you need to work on some other mental health stuff before you can start to take a crack at it properly. Of course if you ever feel safe enough to startingtartii try, well youve shown a lot of strength over the years Ive known you and I wouldnt be surprised if you randomly decided to start despite everything you feel inside.
I don't know if your life would have been better or worse if you had been cis. There's not much point wondering because that's not your life and it seems to be bringing you pain and making you feel hate for other people when you do consider the "what if I were cis" thing. If ruminating on this is bringing you pain, then you should stop or speak with someone you trust on how to get out of that thought cycle if you can't stop ruminating on it. Comparing yourself to others only really hurts yourself and theres even less a point in comparing yourself to someone who isn't real (i.e. imaginary cis you).
I do hope that things will get better when you move, and even better when you start to be independent and can just be yourself. Maybe even come out to your parents when it no longer matters if they approve or do not approve.
spoiler
When youre depressed like you seem to have been all that momentum collapses because your brain literally isnt able to track stuff beyond a long constant "now" in the same way a brain without depression can - all the future is kind of splayed out in an unattainable frame far past where it feels like you can ever travel
This is so true tbh and the biggest hurdle of getting past depression. A good 90% of the time it feels like trying is genuinely pointless.
CW discussions of NSFW euphemistic language for genitals and Transphobia.
I really hate that cis crossdressers/sissys/porn fetish type stuff uses the term "clitty" for a penis. It's super gross and rooted in the objectification of trans women.
(I know some trans woman use it and it's fine to reclaim etc)
But also calling a penis that has been feminised by estrogen a clitoris is accurate biologically/embryologicly, while also cool and based.
I'm probably going to start using that to describe it before bottom surgery anyway. But annoying to consider that other stuff.
spoiler
Still find it hard to wrap my head around many "sissies" being cishet men with a humiliation fetish. I always thought it was an egg-only thing.
spoiler
learning they do that genuinely ruined calling it my clit
also DOWN WITH ALL SISSYS/PORN FETISH STUFF (CIS MEN). Some crossdressers/transvestites are based if its not just a fetish though
spoiler
Yeah I'm going to use the full "clitoris" because I am 30 something professional woman.
I agree, sometimes crossdressing is a stage towards realising transneas, or it's a cool and based part of expressing gender non conforming/gender fluidity.
But the fact that cishet sexual fantasies dominate the societal perception of what a trans person is so gross and harmful.
misgendering
it's like wild that my mom can somehow manage to use the wrong pronoun when it's just me and her talking. it's only the two of us and you're talking directly at me you like don't even have to use a third-person pronoun or gendered language here at all how are you fucking this up let alone after two years
Bad day? Turns out a hand written letter π by my gf cheered me up. Don't think I'm ever gonna not break down in tears when I read these π₯Ή
i cast spell βtearful dreamerβ on u π§ββοΈπͺβ¨π₯Ή
hello i really like the theme of this megathread i'm something of a nerd about crassulaceae
here are a few of my favourites:
Dudleya crassifolia is a really endangered member of the crassulaceae family in baja california that's threatened by human expansion and i really hope to see it one day but realistically i'll never be able to afford a flight to mexico
Crassula umbella is a crassula that's summer deciduous (its above-ground portion dies back in summer), and forms tiny little cup-like leaves. also it's a nightmare to get seeds to germinate apparently
Crassula deceptor is a cute little species (the only of the three mentioned that i am lucky enough to have in my collection) that is presumably shaped and coloured to resemble the rock fields it naturally grows in but in my collection the white with black speckles just kinda looks like bird shit but i still like it
Oh I love the crassula deceptor! And to be fair you wouldn't want to eat bird shit.
going through life as an amab
when a man takes hrt (talking about E)
Why are you saying it like this
Also cis people discouraging people from taking hrt and talking about how a trans woman is "putting people in boxes" for suggesting a dysphoric person try hrt is disgusting DOWN WITH THE CIS
Why are you saying it like this
Misgendering, but woke. Many such cases!
Actually was just typing up more on this situation, sorry.
Decided to write more about the first part because I wasn't happy with how it sounded when I first posted. I guess I just find it really disappointing when NB people talk like this. Like we're supposed to be on the same team and you are perpetuating this bioessentialist, hurtful shit. What does "going through life as an amab" mean. I'm right here??
Should have just said something but whatever.
If anything I'd expect NB people to be even more sensitive to this type of thing which makes it even more annoying.
Some people treat nonbinary as something outside of the gender binary and some people treat it like man(lite)/woman(lite). WTF?
when a man takes hrt
also me lol
Ooh I'm not feeling great about an ALP premier (labor state governor) caving to transphobia at zero pressure....
I was walking with a friend yesterday and some asshole decided it was important to tell us how tall I look next to her
I hate trying to start a convo with someone and it immediately goes no where... idk if its my bad for what I said or if they just don't want to talk, either way it feels bad and I don't like it.
Summertime seasonal depression 
Too many degrees. Why is the sun out for so long? It wants to kill us. Short sun. No degrees. Snow. Please?
Amen, I want my hoodies back.
Heat bad
Things I still want to do for my transition that I can't
- Ear piercings
- Laser or electrolysis
- SRS
- Tattoos (probably black and white carp swimming in circles on my back)
You will notice it's all physical stuff, BECAUSE MY PARENTS WOULD KILL ME IF THEY SAW TS.
Your parents probably wouldnt notice the laser hair removal though. And how often are you showing your parents your bare back for black and white carp? And they, surely, would NEVER see your genitals for SRS????
And also... okay they might notice ear piercings but so what. Like just studs arent really gendered anymore (like black nail polish, thanks gen z I guess), and theres plenty of traditional cultures where men and women both pierced their ears (mileage may vary for your family cause it depends on culture lol).
Your parents probably wouldnt notice the laser hair removal though
They'd see the lack of a beard shadow
And how often are you showing your parents your bare back for black and white carp
This one is less likely fair, but it's another thing to hide
And they, surely, would NEVER see your genitals for SRS????
They'd see the gaping hole ... in my bank account balance
If you laser you could just pretend to be shaving every morning?
What about the lack of a beard shadow tho?
People do not notice when you don't have facial hair anymore, if you can afford it go ahead and do the second one.
I feel like my parents will. They have keen observations when it comes to changes to my body and always comment on my weight/figure/hair/etc
Also, lots of guys are interested in at least some degree of laser.
Split between dying of isolation and loneliness and being terrified of meeting new people at a weekly trans hangout. Why is my brain like this
my wxfe made dinner so I have an excuse. maybe I'll go to something tomorrow smdh
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