this post was submitted on 18 May 2026
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Crassulacean acid metabolism photosynthesis - Trans Megathread for May 18 through May 24, 2026
(hexbear.net)
CAM photosynthesis is a clever adaptation some plants have where they turn light into sugar during the day, and only breathe in CO2 at night. This lets the plant close up its leaves so they don't lose water during the heat of the day.
CAM plants use sunlight to turn malic acid into sugar, and every night they breathe in plenty of carbon dioxide, storing it as a fresh supply of malic acid. If you have keen senses, you may be able to taste the difference between a CAM plant harvested during the day and one harvested at night because of this variation in sugar and acid content.
Having evolved several times independantly, you see CAM in lots of different kinds of plants: air plants and bromeliads, which have poorly developed root systems; cacti and other succulents, which grow in hot dry environments; you even see it in some aquatic plants. For these, CAM serves not to conserve water, but carbon dioxide - which is of course hard to come by when you don't have any air.
The "crassulacean" part of the name "crassulacean acid metabolism" is there because this phenomenon was first discovered in crassulas. Jade plants are an example of this genus.
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Thinking about something my mom said earlier and crying. We were doing maintenance on the fish tank and the conversation went something like this
We were talking about fruit and my mom mentioned me being really picky about it. I joked about having high standards for it (its because of the tism I'd guess but whatever). My dad says something about me not having high standards for the fish tank. Because it looks like shit, has looked like shit, I've been fucking depressed and have barely been taking care of anything. My dad does not see this. Anyway I joke that its half his fish tank too because idk what else to say.
Anyway then my mom says they got it mostly so my life would have some kind of meaning or purpose (I was extremely, extremely depressed at that point years ago). Im crying so hard rn. She's so right. My life has had no meaning or purpose and I've known it. The fish tank has been fantastic for me. I love fish so much. I've struggled a lot to take care of it, I mean obviously look at me. But I've been so excited about it over these years, getting fish, all of it.
I wish I had a better life and wasn't FUCKING CRIPPLED by my mental issues.
if I keep talking its just going to be about suicide so I'm going to go try and distract myself. Fuck I hate emotions and crying. Just please I need life to be alright
Meaninglessness is so hard to deal with. But maybe you've also just been hard on yourself. Taking care of a little ecosystem isn't so easy. There's too much information and variables that needs to be taken account of.
Also a fish tank looking like shit isn't necessarily a bad thing (what I've heard from fish owners). Ponds and rivers are also dirty things.
spoiler
If I wasn't trans none of this would have happened. The last almost decade wouldn't have been consumed by pain. I wouldn't hate humanity. My life would BE FUCKING GREAT. I WOULDN'T BE SO FUCKING DEPRESSED, I WOULDN'T HAVE THIS BARRIER BETWEEN ME AND MY MOM, SOCIETY WOULDN'T BE SO DAMN CRUEL TO ME. FUCK EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. I FUCKING HATE BEING A REMOVED THIS IS THE WORST SHIT I CAN IMAGINE. YOU ALL HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW AWFUL MY LIFE HAS BEEN. THE FUCKING AGONY FOR THE LAST NEARLY DECADE. NOTHING, NOTHING COULD MAKE THAT OKAY. AND ITS ALL BECAUSE OF THIS FUCKING WRONG BRAIN IN THE WRONG BODY SHIT, STUPIDEST SHIT EVER. EVOLUTION IS ONE MASSIVE FUCKING SCAM. I WAS FUCKED OVER.I know youre going through it and venting and getting it out is healthier than letting it all boil over inside, but this specific comment should really be spoilered.
Anyway,
If you wanna read more, click the spoiler. Theres not much point in reading it if youre feeling way too much in pain, 10/10 style emotional pain, right now because none of its really actionable. If youre in that really high pain point, all I would wanna do is just
and maybe if youre up to it later you can read it. Like, after a good night's sleep kind of later not in the next few hours.
click when youre ready, if you want to
Thoughts are just thoughts, they come and go, you are the mountain and thoughts are the clouds. The clouds can come on, the clouds crash against the mountain, the clouds pass. The mountain remains. You have these very strong intense emotions and dark thoughts, and they are hard, and you must still deal with them in a healthy way. Obviously, if youre in danger of harming yourself right now I would suggest emergency services and maybe a crisis line if you can get one. If youre not or youre just in a headspace where you need to get it out but not a real danger, then vent.Your experience of being transgender has so far been very difficult for you so far, I dont know all your details and only my guesses and what you've posted. One of the biggest hurdles and pain points seems to be being closeted at home and it seems the majority of your day to day life, you've made a lot of progress and forward movement otherwise - coming out to friends, HRT (starting DIY!). When youre depressed like you seem to have been all that momentum collapses because your brain literally isnt able to track stuff beyond a long constant "now" in the same way a brain without depression can - all the future is kind of splayed out in an unattainable frame far past where it feels like you can ever travel. But if I had asked you 2 years ago if youd start DIY and come out to friends etc, you probably would have said something like "no." And yet you did have the strength to do those things even as you seem to have been profoundly depressed.
One of your biggest pain points - besides being closeted seemingly the majority of the time - is your voice. And voice training is hard even if youre not dealing with the level of dysphoria you have about it. You must still train to get a more femme voice, but it doesnt have to be right this second and maybe you need to work on some other mental health stuff before you can start to take a crack at it properly. Of course if you ever feel safe enough to startingtartii try, well youve shown a lot of strength over the years Ive known you and I wouldnt be surprised if you randomly decided to start despite everything you feel inside.
I don't know if your life would have been better or worse if you had been cis. There's not much point wondering because that's not your life and it seems to be bringing you pain and making you feel hate for other people when you do consider the "what if I were cis" thing. If ruminating on this is bringing you pain, then you should stop or speak with someone you trust on how to get out of that thought cycle if you can't stop ruminating on it. Comparing yourself to others only really hurts yourself and theres even less a point in comparing yourself to someone who isn't real (i.e. imaginary cis you).
I do hope that things will get better when you move, and even better when you start to be independent and can just be yourself. Maybe even come out to your parents when it no longer matters if they approve or do not approve.
Sorry for that. I didn't think there was anything specific enough to need to, plus obviously doing really poorly and not thinking about it.
:cuddle: I have calmed down a lot. The visceral pain is not there right now.
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I wasn't in danger and didn't do anything.Those are definitely major painful points, yes. I definitely remember not being able to imagine being out to friends. Starting diy in secret was also something I was very iffy on.
Voice is a huge one for me. Both how important a voice is for me, and how much I hate voice training or even the idea of it. It feels hopeless. I hope I do randomly start. The other thing I really need to start, like right now, is driving. Moving out without being able to drive here in the states is really hard/bad.
I do think it's interesting you don't mention transphobia/society on the whole, which is another of my biggest issues right now. I don't feel hate for other people because I'm not cis, I feel hate towards them for their transphobia. Their ignorance. Their lack of motivation to improve. Their complete dogshit opinions and epistemology. I said it that way in my original comment because if I wasn't trans, I also would probably not care as much about societies transphobia as I do now. I do have other social issues most people are bad on that I care about a lot, but transphobia is obviously going to be the one I care about most and is incredibly pervasive.
I should stop ruminating. Maybe I'll bring it up with my therapist later. I haven't because I don't really think he is going to be able to say anything particularly helpful about it. I could go around and ask the people I talk with about it. I don't know. Being trans has been terrible so far. I do not know how to stop thinking about what seems like the only way to not be struggling. How else could I avoid voice training, societies transphobia, my size, etc. I mean there's the final solution but I have been even less ready to actually do that lately. Maybe I have thoughts but I am not planning like I used to. It's just, inescapable.
I hope so too. I have to drive. If I can do that I think I can get my own place. Thank you so much Terminal, I really appreciate you and your replies.
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This is so true tbh and the biggest hurdle of getting past depression. A good 90% of the time it feels like trying is genuinely pointless.