this post was submitted on 05 May 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] VolumetricShitCompressor@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 1 week ago (6 children)

We all know that you read it in his voice

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.org 10 points 1 week ago

yes and it fricking hurt!

Oof ouch my sanity

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I also imagined the inconsistent audio level from his parkinsons or w/e hands constantly significantly shaking, and then the blam/feedback from dropping the mic.

[–] SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I don't think that's Parkinson's. I think that's like lead poisoning tbh

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

... the dude has done so many insanely unhealthy things, its the scene from the Simpsons where all the diseases in Mr Burns are fighting each other and have somehow achieved a semi-stable equilibrium balance.

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[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 2 points 1 week ago

HEROIN, and a speech impediment thing going on. i suspect its mostly his heroin abuse.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 3 points 1 week ago

its his worms talking.

[–] fedikitty@piefed.social 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

He just sounds like the embodiment of smoker's lung.

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I've never heard his voice. I just imagined a gravel mixer and you know what, there it was

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 22 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Skip the reds, straight for the raccoon penis

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

FDA approves RaccoonPeen™ for every disease.

Ask your doctor if RaccoonPeen™ is right for you.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Having known a number of ignorant racist smokers, I think the name would end up being:

Arguably racist enough to be NSFW

CoonPeckers

Genuine apologies if that term is racist enough to be censorable, lol, though theoretically it both means the same thing as 'Raccoon Penis' and also is racist against both black and white people.

[–] hateisreality@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

I am more upset that the formatting is incorrect.....

[–] fedikitty@piefed.social 4 points 1 week ago

not the red rockets. 😭

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 3 points 1 week ago

and bear cubs.

[–] BigBrownDog@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (4 children)

I give my kids a spoonful of Vaseline everyday to keep them greased up.

[–] Tess@piefed.blahaj.zone 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My old cat was crazy about Vaseline, I had to fight him off whenever I opened the jar.
I’ve never seen him that enthusiastic about anything else. He was like some kind of Vaseline junky.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

... Was it ... regular... or menthol?

Did he... eat it? ... or just ... huff it?

[–] Tess@piefed.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The regular kind, he just ate it, as much as he could before I managed to drag him away from it.
It was kind of worrying to be honest.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

I mean yeah that is worrying... you as either a person or cat should probably not eat jellified petroleum, yeah.

But... wtf?

Maybe he's just... hungry?

A very odd cat?

Like I'm trying to look this up, and I'm basicslly seeing this fall into the category of pica, which is essentially a mental disorder that can be triggered by a number of things...

https://www.webmd.com/pets/cats/features/unusual-cat-cravings

Maybe take kitty to the vet for a checkup?

[–] SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 week ago

Cats don't have opposable digits. Saving that jelly for later when ya aren't looking. Or maybe when you are.

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[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

they swallow it, or the hard way?

Robert Chesebrough, the inventor of Vaseline, famously claimed to eat a spoonful every day and lived to be 96.

[–] BigBrownDog@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Exactly. It's called the Cheesebro method.

Uh, I hate that I have to ask this, but he swallowed it, right?

[–] Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I hope they've grown a bit because you should only be feeding babies baby oil.

[–] BigBrownDog@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Only after they've had their baby powder for breakfast.

[–] Whitebrow@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Teaching babies how to snort powder for breakfast must be exhausting.

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[–] fedikitty@piefed.social 1 points 1 week ago

It helps with their constipation.

[–] notwhoyouthink@lemmy.zip 11 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Wait is that why he talks like that tho?!

He was born during the time when conventional wisdom for expectant mothers’ concerns about weight was a simple recommendation for increased cigarette consumption.

[–] chaogomu@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago

He fried his brain on drugs. Also eating roadkill and bush meat.

When he was a teenager/young adult he was the drug dealer to his family and caused one cousin to lethally OD.

The guy has been a shitbag all his life.

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (2 children)

If I'd lived through that time, maybe I'd have a later-in-life obsession about fixing my health too. Hopefully I wouldn't swear off vaccines and chug methylene blue though.

[–] notwhoyouthink@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 week ago

I mean, you’re not wrong. And I don’t blame people looking for affordable answers in a system that bankrupts the sick…

However I do blame clown leadership and those that profit and gain power from said people, and this cow pie looking mfer is climbing to the top of that list.

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[–] tooks@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My parents smoked Reds indoors their entire life. I essentially smelled like an ashtray throughout childhood until I moved out for college. Even experienced respiratory issues throughout high school sports. Used to have to borrow my grandma's portable O2 tank to use for practice breaks. I feel this, and I hate it.

[–] Tiger666@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 week ago

I remember going on a trip with my grandparents and suffocating from the smoke in the car. That was only a few hours, I cant imagine living in a house with them.

[–] BlackLaZoR@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

It has electrolytes

[–] SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Dude what's wrong with this guy's eyes

[–] Doom@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

I have a few theories.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I had no idea river blindness stretches that far north.

[–] Anarki_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Windows of the soul.

Evil people often have dead eyes.

They know they're evil.

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 4 points 1 week ago

It's time for a healthy shakin'

[–] ssfckdt@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 week ago

Marlboro has what kids crave

[–] flop_leash_973@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Please, the male kids crave Lucky Strikes. Filtered cigarettes are for girls. /s

[–] DonutsRMeh@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Man, I shouldn't be laughing this much at this. Wtf

[–] beejboytyson@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

Man, he's a crackhead idk why people listen to him. No different then the ramblings heard from the homeless man taking a shit front of the 711.

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