The idea of a nightclub where the serving staff are in lingerie and they’re playing lil jon, but there’s dudes in trucker hats and cornhole games is a wild contrast. A fever dream merging of late aughts clubs with rural cosplay.
this post was submitted on 03 May 2026
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I don’t dance or anything either
there's nothing wrong with not wanting to dance but going to a club and not dancing is like going to a pool and not swimming. it's the whole raison detre of the enterprise. heap of other kinds of experience that are better for socializing (regular bar), even for the sleazy atmosphere and seeing people dance (strip club). don't bother with the club if you're not out for a dance.
No one knows I'm posting on Hexbear at the club.
Believe it or not, I met the person behind BMF accounts I mean they could have been lying but considering how niche a poster they are, I don’t think many people would claim to be them or even admit to it… but since the circumstances of meeting them were quite extraordinary, I don’t think this person was really lying because it’s almost like anyone claiming to be a popular poster on this site, it’s cringeworthy.
I’m not going into detail how I got to meet them because opsec but I assure you, the posting is just the tip of the iceberg and far from a “bit.” It was back when I was still under the influence, I had just taken a few grams of ketamine which was normal for me at the time. The venue we were at was playing truly demonic music by the Chemical Brothers and the DJ was wearing an all red veil and would occasionally whip themselves and then turn up the music louder each time they did it. I was freaking out so I just started browsing hex and that’s when the person who claimed to be BMF came over and grabbed my arm and then stared at my phone, they were observing the screen as if they were astonished at the fact I was using this website. It’s embarrassing to admit that I use this website in public, I rarely do but I was freaking out and needed to post to calm down or just take my mind off everything going on. “What website is that?” the person asked, I just stared at them because I was so paranoid I thought they were a fed and they were gonna stop the rave and arrest me and shove me into a black van. I just said “hey um take your arm off me, it’s just some forum.” They took their arm off but their gaze was still fixated on the screen. I tried putting my phone away but they stopped me and said “chapo right?” I nodded and just looked at them. They smiled and then took out their phone which was some dinky tmobile advertised on the back with a cracked screen and a strip of literal bandaid over the crack, I guess to stop the glass shards from cutting their finger. They started showing me hexbear and by that point I was sure they were a fed and this was like some sort of honeypot. It just seemed like the odds were too extreme for this to be a coincidence and also the fact that this person was a straight caricature out of disco elysium, like the feds compiled everything into chat gpt and this was the result of your average hexbear. They kept trying to log in but they were having difficulty doing so but they were logging in as “Blackmoldfutures.” I wasn’t really into BMF that much not like the rest of you but I understood that they were a “power poster” so I was kinda semi in awe but also still paranoid that this was a bit. They got angry after not being able to log in and they literally placed the phone down on the floor, stood on it, and then started spinning whilst they were balancing on the phone. I honestly thought they were trying to do that in an attempt to get it to work again, maybe this was the reason why their phone was so fucked in the first place. Like any time they fucked up logging in they would just spin on their phone almost like undoing the damage by moving their body in the opposite direction of time in order to get it to work again. The phone went black but then they just restarted it and to my surprise it turned on again.
They were probably too under the influence to log on or just forgot their password at the time which is why they couldn’t log in, but after not being able to and doing the ritual I was just in complete shock and confusion kinda like this 😳. “It wasn’t meant to be” they said and then they fucked off into the crowd, and that was it. The best way I could describe it is seeing a cryptid in person and only you were the one to have that experience and nobody else could have shared it and the only way you can explain it is through a story that people might not even believe. I left shortly after and took the train home.
I read this whole comment and I am baffled
It's a copypasta of a comment Beluga made a while back, not sure but I think it's a tagline too?
Mostly just dancing and getting drunk in a socially acceptable scenario.
75% of the appeal of going clubbing is imagining how fun it'll be but it's never actually fun. Too crowded, too loud, you can't talk or mingle with anyone. It's like how you imagine how much fun you're going to have this weekend and then you sit around doing nothing and maybe stream something.
it really depends on the place, both the venue and the surrounding geography. the US is not a monolith.
but someone else said it best, regardless of the venue, the point of the "club" designated places in the US is to simulate a loci of social interaction to distract you while it separates you from your money.
the urbanized core of large metropolitan places can usually maintain the capacity of multiple places absolutely bumping 5-7 days a week, but the cool thing about those music videos is that they last like 4 minutes. unless you are rich, absolutely off your tits drunk / on drugs, and young with good stamina, it's pretty unpleasant after a bit. and the next day you're down like $50-100 and there are certain higher frequency pitches you will never hear again after your ears stop ringing.
but anyway, to find what you're looking for, you really have to ask around the city you're in to find the scene compatible with what you're looking for. it's certainly out there, but it might only be on certain nights a week due to a certain DJ or "theme" night.
an important lesson though is that for all its cultural exports, the US is not the place it advertises itself to be.
i once stumbled into an absolutely out of control music video style party at a rural hotel pool in cuba on a weekday at like 6pm. it wasn't a special occaision and none of them were from out of town. it was just the spot every young person in the area went to blow off steam at the end of the work day. it was loud, chaotic, and everybody was having a blast. i'm pretty sure some people were banging in the pool lol. the sort of thing the cops here would break up, because freedom or something.
the US used to have a whole phenomenon of warehouse parties, but the cops have more or less obliterated that. they really want the partying to happen in designated places at designated times where they can be posted up to arrest and harass people on a schedule, and you've seen how that mostly looks. it looks like people quietly playing cornhole with a $8 light beer in their hand.
I was expecting it to be like the music videos with people dancing around the floor and mixing and mingling with each other.
This happens outside in the smoking area because it's too fucking loud to speak to anyone inside.
If you want a good routine with this then you need to get a group that hits a pub first for a few hours. The pub is where you get drunk and do all your socialising and then the club is where everyone just goes goblin mode for the past-midnight hours.
Your mileage may vary, my experience is the british binge drinking one.
They're exclusively places to burn money in exchange for the illusion of social interaction and I'll never be convinced otherwise. Everything else that a club "offers" can be better found elsewhere.
the venn diagram of places to dance that aren't clubs and ones that serve alcohol is the barest sliver, and surely doesn't exist in heaps of towns--i'd literally prefer it if i could have a drink and dance to jazz but that doesn't even exist here!
the venn diagram of places to dance that aren't clubs and ones that serve alcohol is the barest sliver
what planet do you live on that you can't find a bar?
bars are not for dancing, get real. heap of hubris. some, with ample space can get a little dance floor going on occasion but it's not expected, or the rule. most don't have enough room even if the vibes are nice.
I know lots of places that blur the line between bar, venue and club, depending on the night. There would be dancing most nights, but sometimes with live music instead of a dj. And while the dance floor is prominent, you can easily just chill in a booth.
bar-cum-venue is definitely a grain of species, and do typically have a dance space, but in my experience they require a show to be happening for any dancing to happen.
like that's the difference; a club always has dancing and a bar might in specific circumstances
Probably Mars
There are 100% clubs like what you expected. Those kind of clubs do not have cornhole lol
I presume people go there to find someone to have sex with
And to purchase recreational pharmaceuticals
i dunno, never been to one, will likely never go to one
Try going to a gay club, they're usually a lot more fun.
supposedly dancing, but I usually go for raves or latin clubs since I go out to dance specifically. I also have a low tolerance for bad DJs, which makes clubs less fun for me even when there is dancing.
matches with my experience; pay $14 cover and stand around awkwardly. was there at least a fight?
There was one guy who passed out or was super drunk in the stall and security had to kick the door in. But no fights
Literally never set foot in one and hope to god I never will, not my scene or speed.
You need to be on stimulants
Im not a club goer but I have been to a couple over the years. It was a fun time but I would only go with people I trust or close friends.
Music videos are basically ads, especially when they were on TV and therefore dont reflect reality. Generally not my scene either, but I was very active in the DIY punk scene for a while and there are some small similarities, young people often like to go out and drink and have loud music playing. Seeing live bands means there is time between bands and you can socialize during that time/before the show cause they always start late. Doing 20 minutes on 20 off was good for getting a breather, with clubs it's relentless. If you're not into dancing that's gonna make it a lot less fun as well, cause that's what the place is for. I think it would cool if at least in my city there were alternative venues that werent mostly set up for live music and had a decent dance floor, a big part of why I never went to clubs is cause I dont like mainstream music
It's about taking your money in exchange for an illusion of a lively and interesting social life, for the most part
yeah straight clubs are awful
I always learned facing the DJ is the respectful way to dance at a club
Clubbing is so boring that a pervasive culture has emerged within it of punishing alcohol abuse and taking whatever substance any stranger is offering, just to take you out of the mindset of being lucid in a club and aware of what it is really like.
There is a subset of people who are genuinely passionate about dancing and/or EDM, but they are the minority
How to have fun at a club:
Step -1: pick a club with music you like, e.g. I only go to the goth club when I go*
Step 0: put in foam earplugs (they are very loud! Protect your hearing!) and put on a respirator (covid never ended! Protect your internal organs!)
Step 1: be carried away by the music into a dancing frenzy
If you don't have step -1 down then it will not be fun.
- (I don't, the goth club is run by assholes who crank the speakers up too loud for even earplugs to make safe and bearable, and they turn a blind eye to rampant predation and assault)
Clubbing is for the weak who can't handle illegal freeparties