Near perfect matter/energy conversion.
this post was submitted on 13 Apr 2026
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badposting
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Long range dick sucking
More powerful than you could imagine
You see Air Force One in the sky, you start giving the pilot sky head, he loses control and plows the entire thing into the ground
i also have teeth its kinda dangerous tbh
The ability to spray infinite amounts of magic, near frictionless lubricant out of my asshole. No, this is not a sex thing, it's an arcane-trickster meets the worlds weirdest clown thing.
Imagine being able to have a cartoon-style banana peel. Now make it nigh invisible and give yourself an infinite supply. Now make it deployable by farting, or at least pretending to.
And it's magic. It actually materializes like 6 inches away from my butt, so I don't turn my pants into a goopy mess.
Colorless, odorless, tastless. The perfect pratfall. The undetectable laxative. Perfect for parties, an instant "ice" skating rink! Make money winning slip and fall cases! Stand on your head and become the sumo wrestling champ! They can't push over what their hands slip off of. Win every bobsled race with the most unconventional form, spraying near frictionless lube in front of the sled the whole way. Create the perfect getaway from a heist by sending your pursuers slipping and sliding. Need to quit adventuring and lay low while the sumo and bobsled judges search for the guy who stole all the gold medals after being disqualified? You can make some easy side money through industrial applications! Need to stage some "accidents" to take out terrible co-workers at your industrial job? You'd be surprised how dangerous it can be to go careening off a catwalk at walking speed. Lighten up a funeral, spray lube all over the casket handles! Need to spice up some alone time with the widow? Do I really need to say more?
This is tagline material. You win. Best wizard.
MOONBEAM WITH EXTRA MOOO0OON 
I'm the trash man. I throw trash all over the ring!
Yeah I thought we had an emoji for him but when it didnt come up i couldn't be bothered to look online
Idk crying or something
True power
it doesn't feel like that way sometimes
Installing some windows software
gay
Can you handle that much power?
no
Oh. Well, what could possiably go wrong?
Just gotta hope no one turns me into a wizard anytime soon.
magic
Election magic. I would love to be able to cast Shield of Democracy and Protection from Evil and Russians as needed so that our elections aren't being controlled by the Russians 
~/s~
Plant/nature magic seems the best in terms of danger and usefulness. Oh you want to golf? Well your golf course is now a forrest sucks to suck.
Pillowmancy
I could summon pillows, and also change the texture of air and objects around me to be soft and squishy like pillows are
I originally got the idea from the HxH magic system
If it's just one thing probably mind reading.
communism
The ability to turn people into spoons, and undo it.
I'll collect people like Pokemon and stack 'em.
Netanyahu? Spoon. Ben Gvir? Spoon. Reactionaries? Spoon.
Maybe I'll unspoon them a century later, after we fix the world and undo their mechanisms of power.
Ketchupmancy. I'm not called the Red Wizard for nothing you know.
Red wizard needs food, badly! So he has somewhere to put all the ketchup
comically large karate lasers.
Illusion with a concentration in cognitohazards 
Shape shifting and casting genders
You know exactly my magic would be.
Judge me? Owl magic isn't on the same level of aura. This like a level 2 posion user talking down to a power word:scrunch chad.
Yeah, owls are cringe. They're dorty and dorky. 3/10 animal for sure
SHUDDUP IM COOL AND ONLY A LITTLE STINKY
turn into a squirrel so I can jump like 10 times my height and experience their mobility/agility/balance
You know Tim the Enchanter from Monty Python's Holy Grail? That'd be me. Up on a mountain casting explosions
I would be able to control the mood and emotions of other people. I could also make people fall in love but I would be very careful with this ability because I don’t want to coerce people.
Do you need line of sight? Would be very funny to make trump feel love for the first time in the middle of one of his rambles.
I’d need some way to perceive him in real time, if the time delay isn’t too large a livestream would work!
Talk to animals
dang dort out here getting a badpost ratio'd
That's my wizard power
Freaknomancy
fireball
Swamp/bog related so I can protect my mystical marshy lair and all my little animal friends who live there
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