this post was submitted on 28 Mar 2026
383 points (99.2% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

39764 readers
4331 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Twinklebreeze@lemmy.world 63 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Do you think you could perform in front of either of the Obamas? I know I couldn't.

[–] Sanctus@anarchist.nexus 79 points 1 month ago (6 children)

I'll whisper right in Obama's ear as I cream on his back "this is how you dispose of bus loads of kids," then I'd smack the back of his head.

[–] Soulphite@reddthat.com 44 points 1 month ago

This is both the best and disturbing thing I've read in some time, well done!

God dammit.

[–] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 1 month ago

On the back, belly, face, etc always seemed like a waste of good cum to me. Like, if it's not being absorbed by mucus membranes somewhere, then are you really living?

[–] errer@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

Jesus fucking Christ

[–] chunes@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

LMAO. Lemmy comment of the year right here.

[–] oyfrog@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (3 children)
[–] endlesseden@pyfedi.deep-rose.org 23 points 1 month ago (3 children)
[–] bdonvr@thelemmy.club 3 points 1 month ago

Pressure

Pushing down on me

Pressing down on you

[–] maccentric@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I can fake the drums; hardest part will be finding ~~a vocalist~~ the vocalists

[–] AnchoriteMagus@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago

King Lear.

It's only the first act, though. You'll be fine.

[–] wuffah@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

Perform vaginal sex upon Mrs. Obama as Mr. Obama chants “Yes we can!”

[–] zeejoo@thelemmy.club 41 points 1 month ago
[–] wuffah@lemmy.world 34 points 1 month ago
[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 24 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Y'all think you're gonna bang Michelle while Barack watches but it's really gonna be Barack banging YOU while Michelle watches.

[–] FishFace@piefed.social 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 7 points 1 month ago

No. In fact, that makes it better imo.

[–] TheBrideWoreCrimson@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

In this room with two dicks, I'm not the one with two holes...

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 points 1 month ago

"I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream"

[–] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 24 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I find Michelle to be attractive, so I'd say yes. Unless Mr. Obama is also looking to get freaky, then probably no.

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 15 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

Personally there are exactly 0 US presidents I'd fuck. They do not deserve sex imo

[–] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

James Garfield was kind of good looking, I might bottom for him.

[–] faythofdragons@slrpnk.net 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Lincoln, but only if I get to wear the hat

[–] reev@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 month ago

Lincoln, but only if I get to wear the beard

[–] bdonvr@thelemmy.club 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Oh yeah??? So you're telling me if we did a comprehensive review of your comments we wouldn't find any instance of you saying "fuck [president's name]"???

Checkmate, gottem, I rest my case.

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 month ago
[–] starik@lemmy.zip 8 points 1 month ago

This is why we needed Kamala

[–] AnchoriteMagus@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 7 points 1 month ago

Oh, that's okay then.

[–] DoubleDongle@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] Okokimup@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Some experiences are just so crazy, you have to say yes, given the opportunity, so that freakiness can be born into the universe through you.

[–] Burninator05@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

You're not going to not take the Obamas up on a threesome. That kind of opportunity doesn't knock twice.

[–] starik@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 month ago

Careful before you commit; we haven’t seen them in a while.

[–] m3t00@piefed.world 13 points 1 month ago

go for the weed w/presidential seal. 🎡

[–] Una@europe.pub 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Do not accept, he only offers 420 do not accept anything less than 69420

[–] Rakudjo@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Wait, he offered you 69420? I got offered 42069, and took it because it seemed like a pretty good deal. Now I have ragrets.

[–] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 1 month ago

Depends on the use case. If thousands get separated, 69,420 looks nicer. If you want a port number, only 42069 is valid.

[–] JennaR8r@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 month ago

I am so tired of political spam texts. Now they're political spam sexts.

[–] shweddy@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

When others go low I get high with the obamas

[–] realitista@lemmus.org 5 points 1 month ago

Opportunity of a lifetime.

[–] Cellari@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

What a nice polite man!

[–] Korne127@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago
[–] melfie@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

At least there would be more eye witnesses to help debunk Joan Rivers’ conspiracy theory.

[–] JennaR8r@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 month ago

Seeing Michelle dancing to that Bruno Mars song on the Ellen show was, um, nuts.

[–] Mwa@thelemmy.club 2 points 1 month ago
[–] sanbdra@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Not gonna lie, I had to read that twice to make sure I wasn’t dreaming 😂

[–] OrteilGenou@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

Hit it and STOP it