What part of "fully functional" are you not understanding?
this post was submitted on 20 Mar 2026
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Fully functional.
Noonian Soong cared deeply about verisimilitude.
Nipples are a fundamental part of the human experience.
Yet he couldn't quite figure out the synthetic skin.
"No matter how much I twiddle them I still can't pick up Jazz FM"
never forget that canonically Data must have a refillable cum tank, and it's someone's job to refill it.
~~Possibly, but Data can perform much of his own maintenance, can he not? Soong considered many aspects in his design — perhaps his ejaculatory system is designed with this in mind and is capable of refilling without additional tooling.~~
Computer, delete that entire post.
Sure, but where is he getting the cum?
can...can you replicate cum? I guess theoretically you should be able to? Now I'm imagining him saying "Computer, replicate a bucket of cum," and swapping em out.
I don’t see why not. To the replicator it’s no different than a plate of steak and eggs. You could even make customizations: “Computer, one bucket of cum, extra thick. Add a hint of Barzan star fruit.”
Computer: "Commander Riker, I cannot fulfill this request as Captain Picard has explicitly banned your replicator account from ordering this and related products. Your holodeck privileges have also been revoked"
Computer, end simulation.
COMPUTER! END SIMULATION!
"Computer... Yar supplement 25."
Positronic debug, those with the belly button as ground, create a kinda uart.
Press and hold both for ten seconds to force a system reboot.
Thermometers
How much do you want to bet Data could lactate in emergency situations.
SO HE CAn excrete bio-lubricants for his machine parts to an offspring who needs it.
You've got to recharge him somehow..
So you can milk him
The space cold makes his nipples go pointy, so he can use them as telescopic antennae to transmit data back to Enterprise.
Data, in space do you smoke weed or Astro-turf?
They assist with detective work
Hell I don’t even know why I have nipples…
For fun!
GET DOWN
Has? Or is Data like data wrt plural
Have is correct.
"Why does John have an umbrella?"
"Why does my dog have a wet nose?"
Fully functional in every way, of course