this post was submitted on 24 Feb 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 38 comments
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[–] zebidiah@lemmy.ca 1 points 2 hours ago

..... Could I spend the hour beating this theoretical individual to death instead of chatting?

I have a few ideas of who is like to see on that bench....

[–] GalacticGrapefruit@lemmy.world 0 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

I'd want to chat with someone from the future. I want to know if we'll make it. If we'll be alright.

[–] modus@lemmy.world 2 points 2 hours ago

Their current absence in your life should answer that question for you.

[–] stiffyGlitch@lemmy.world 1 points 6 hours ago

Honestly, I can't decide. Masashi Kishimoto is definitely up there, but so is Homer. You know, the one who wrote The Odyssey. I'll make a list of my top 10 for your convenience.

leest

  1. Can't decide who should be at the top

  2. JK Rowling

  3. Masashi Kishimoto

  4. Homer

  5. Alexander Hamilton

  6. Lin Manuel Miranda

  7. Jorge Rivera-Herrans

  8. Shaun Tan

  9. Julius Caesar because I have some questions for him

So ye, that's basically it.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 points 8 hours ago

It'd be nice to catch up with my mom

[–] trslim@pawb.social 2 points 8 hours ago

Honestly, i might be childish or something, but Markiplier. He just seems like a chill guy, and I would wanna ask him a bunch of questions.

[–] borokov@lemmy.world 1 points 9 hours ago

Myself. I'm very curious to see how I look from the outside.

[–] Tigeroovy@lemmy.ca 2 points 14 hours ago

I guess my dad so I can ask him about all the shit he didn’t write down before he died like his passwords to shit or whatever.

[–] Bruncvik@lemmy.world 1 points 13 hours ago

Keanu Reeves. Just the two of us, each on one end of the bench, enjoying a sandwich, and not talking but still content with each other's company.

[–] GreenBeanMachine@lemmy.world 3 points 17 hours ago

Just the two of us? Trump, and I would bring a gun.

[–] _stranger_@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago (2 children)
  1. Drop the bench in the Marianas trench.

  2. Hold every billionaire ransom for the rest of their lives under threat of being summoned to the bench unless they divest themselves of their wealth to my satisfaction.

[–] ChonkyLincoln@lemmy.zip 2 points 9 hours ago (1 children)
[–] stiffyGlitch@lemmy.world 2 points 7 hours ago

I enjoy your presence.

[–] draco_aeneus@mander.xyz 1 points 16 hours ago
  1. The prompt says explicitly that you have to sit on it. You can only do that once (and realistically, zero times).
  2. The bench implies but doesn't guarantee to summon the people. Given it works on future/past people also, you're probably chatting with their spirit or something.
[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Elon Musk.

Wait. Hear me out. The power to summon someone, hold them for an hour and force them to be conscious is really significant. Sure, there's nothing I could say to have any immediate effect. I'd just mention that he should divest his wealth to the poor or else when my hour is up, someone else is going to summon him. It'll keep happening until he's no longer the wealthiest person. Then, keep going down the list.

[–] NihilsineNefas@slrpnk.net 11 points 1 day ago

I mean, you'd have the opportunity to do something far funnier, and then you can spend the extra 50 minutes decorating your work.

[–] Technus@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

My dad tells these stories about how my great grandpa used to joke and pull pranks on the family. I wish I could have met him in person.

That or getting an hour to pick Alan Turing's brain. He'd probably hate the current generation of "AI" as much as I do.

[–] Mickey7@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

For me it's about having a conversation with someone who lived history rather than just reading about it.

[–] thisbenzingring@lemmy.today 6 points 1 day ago

grandparents for sure 💔

[–] Diddlydee@feddit.uk 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Just any dead grandfather? Not too fussy?

[–] Mickey7@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

Good question. Yeah the grandfather of a guy at work

[–] DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I would talk to Mickey7's dead grandpa

[–] Mickey7@lemmy.world 3 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

I'm sure he would love to have a discussion with you

[–] DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth 3 points 13 hours ago

You made him sound like someone worth taking to, I figure why not?

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 3 points 1 day ago

My best friend. Been gone over a decade now.

[–] Llllllllllll@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Different take; my grandparents were terrible when they were alive. At this point, I'd choose my wife. An hour laughing and joking with my wife with no other responsibilities sounds awesome.

[–] stiffyGlitch@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Is she still with us, or do you just not get very much time together because of work and other things? (Sorry for the personal question)

[–] Llllllllllll@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Still very much with us; just incredibly busy

[–] stiffyGlitch@lemmy.world 1 points 6 hours ago
[–] itsgroundhogdayagain@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

My grandfather or grandmother, I can't decide. Ben Franklin. Carl Sagan.

[–] Diddlydee@feddit.uk 2 points 1 day ago

Your grandfather and grandmother are Ben Franklin and Carl Sagan? That's remarkable in innumerable ways if true.

[–] Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Triumph@fedia.io 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Specifically, 14 year old me.

[–] bizarroland@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Yeah, I think this one's a winner assuming they retain the information after the conversation you could convince your younger self to make different choices and to put you into a different place.

Sure, you may no longer exist after the conversation, but the version of you that would exist afterwards might be less sad.

[–] Bitflip@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 day ago
[–] Philote@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 day ago

Mr Rogers. In my mind one of Americas greatest offerings to the world. Just a genuinely amazing person.