I say don't go to those meetings.

In my local org I tend to dip into the organizing committees meetings only when I have capacity and when there is genuine need for my input, then I quickly dip out again. I stick to an unofficial advisory or consultant (except internal) role and handle some of the structure and I'm a bit of a gal friday, finding areas of need and points of friction then coming up with ways to fix them. People come to me for troubleshooting and advice.

In my experience, orgs struggle the most with back-end volunteers - the people who write up minutes and send out reminder messages and provide intake info and organize their documents and all of that other stuff.

In your case it's worth looking at an org as having a dual aspect - there's the front-facing part with meetings and outreach and activism then there's the back-end administrative/bureaucratic part. If you can't do the front-facing part then approach the leadership and ask if they have any administrative tasks that you can do. Basically every org's leadership is bogged down by them having to manage the administrative side and they are all desperate for people who are good at this stuff that are willing to do it. They are desperate for PA type people to help, trust me.

So if you like an org and you have a connection to them or people who can vouch for you, approach someone in leadership and explain what you have done here in a simplified way and ask if you can take on some secretarial type duties. Tell them you can do IT. Tell them you can do social media posts and stuff like that.

Either they will find a place for your contributions and they will respect you for it or they won't get it. But whichever it is, you'll have your answer about whether it's an org that is worthy of contributing to.

Leave the meetings for people who care. They are mostly a circus anyway. No need to burn yourself out over it because it's seen as The One Way™ to be involved in organizing.

Accommodations start with you; they start with knowing what you need to thrive then finding those who respect that and are willing to work with your accommodation needs. Be ruthless and relentless in this. Become the staunch advocate that you deserve.

Are you going to that meeting? No. Not gonna happen. Don't even bother asking.
Are you going to clear a backlog of 6 months of administrative logjam? Yes. And if that isn't seen as a crucial contribution to organizing then whoever feels that way can fuck right off.

The revolution needs leaders and debates and outreach efforts but it also needs janitors equally as much. Salute to all the people working on the back-end who keep the orgs running, the unsung heroes.

Conventional political activism means meetings, demonstrations, campaigns, lots of stuff that draws heavily on social skills.

We need unconventional activism for unconventional brains. I clicked right into place when I found myself in an org that has a prefigurative politics and orients itself toward building power largely in tangible, quantifiable ways. Yes, there are still meetings. But we operate outside of the rigid timetable too, and that's where a lot of our progress gets made.

One major goal we have is increasing the capacity to house radicals and harbor vulnerable people. You can progress towards this without ever knocking on someone's door or participating in a demo or even sitting through a standard general meeting.

You gotta play to your strengths. Not everyone can be Lenin, not everyone can be an orator. I like dealing with trans people so I'm in the business of housing homeless ones. Trans people in this situation take to communism rapidly.

I'll let you know when I figure it out, I'm struggling to find ways to organize and contribute and a lot of what you said sounds very familiar. Except I don't even think I've gotten as far as you. The comments here are very helpful I think

I'm going to be so brutally honest with you as somebody who is the same:

If you have ADHD and autism (like myself) and you aren't medicated, it is even more crucial that you do whatever you can to get medicated for your ADHD. You need to take care of yourself and manage the part of your situation that is treatable medically. It sucks but it is actually a very real condition that impacts every single thing other thing in your life. Everybody is different, but for me it includes being significantly more comfortable socially.

It allows me to enter the organizing space while I'm feeling alright, not overwhelmed, and comfortable, and take on those roles that I know I will be able to handle if I'm having a day where I don't think I can socially interact too heavily. In my role in my org, I was able to do a lot of the behind the scenes spreadsheet work and meeting scheduling. That takes a huge burden off of somebody else and frees up their other capacities as an organizer.

From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs. Any org worth organizing for will accommodate you with open arms,

orgs that won't accommodate disability don't deserve our effort and will fail to accomplish anything meaningful.

if they are unaware of these conditions (in the general sense), you have to contact them somehow. An email or sending a friend to talk to someone is about all you can do and if they can't or won't make room then they can eat shit and you shouldn't worry about it.

it shouldn't be on people with social difficulties to build the entire revolution by ourselves because neurotypical people are too awful to be around.

I really struggle with the similar fears and anxiety (ADHD). My IRL organizing exists, but is really rather marginal. What I recommend doing is asking to speak with an organizer, and see if you can aid in some of the areas you mentioned as a strong suit! Cooking, IT support, all of those skills are very useful behind the scenes for many orgs!

Try to make a plan with the organizers to have maybe smaller rooms or sections to the side of the main event.

You can take advantage of your audhd to hyperfocus on a particular issue alongside a smaller and more intimate group of people.

People can join these groups according to problem-space, or they can go to the main event where a mass of people are.

exposure therapy, if things get really tough, remind yourself you are doing it for a bigger cause than yourself.

do you know if your local dsa chapter has working groups that meet up outside the main meeting times? that can be a good way to contribute without needing to attend most general meetings