I want to do something, anything, but organizing/participating in orgs is really hard with how my brain works. Theres chapters/locals out here, dsa, psl, frso, etc., but i feel like i cant participate.
I get overwhelmed by noise and large groups, especially if those groups are shouting or chanting. Protests and marches and demonstrations are a nonstarter cause having panic or anxiety incidents at those does more harm than good. Ive tried attending meetings and discussion groups, but theyve been so incredibly difficult for me and i end up contributing nothing and taking nothing away. I cant hear what people are saying cause if multiple people are talking it all blurs into a single sentence. And my body dumps literally all the cortisol into my blood and i have to recover for a good while afterwards.
What can i even do? Like, i could admin a *nix box that serves stuff, i can cook, i can do (very basic) firearm safety, i can do things, but the social aspect is really hard for me. Organizers want to fire people up, but that firing up incapacitates me. How can i attend a meeting when that meeting is geared toward not-me and within 15 minutes im in emergency mode and lose the ability to form solid memories from the meeting, or lose the ability to speak? Last one i went to, it started with chants and that was kinda it for me. I stayed thru the end, but it was really intense and i needed to lay down cry and be held afterwards. I cant participate in those kinds of things in a manner that is sustainable for me.
I want to do stuff, i want to contribute, i want to make the world even just a little bit better, but i feel like all the activities and actions that are available to me are things that are either veryvery difficult or incapacitating for me.
You're probably not going to found a new chapter for a remote org and that's OK. you can't meet people half way if there's nobody to meet.
to whatever extent you interact with people in "real life" you can reinforce people when they express opposition to the empire or sow doubt when they repeat outlandish claims about america's enemies. The same kind of exposure that moderates some chuds who have never met a queer person before also applies to our political ideas. The latter doesn't need to be in great detail just, reasonableness checking or "they lied to you about X are you really going to believe Y when it's the same playbook?" kinda stuff and expose them to ideas so they're more receptive later.
it's rough and it's not going to feel like you're doing anything but it's not literally doing nothing. same applies online, you don't have to be Cowbee but it still helps.