I want to do something, anything, but organizing/participating in orgs is really hard with how my brain works. Theres chapters/locals out here, dsa, psl, frso, etc., but i feel like i cant participate.
I get overwhelmed by noise and large groups, especially if those groups are shouting or chanting. Protests and marches and demonstrations are a nonstarter cause having panic or anxiety incidents at those does more harm than good. Ive tried attending meetings and discussion groups, but theyve been so incredibly difficult for me and i end up contributing nothing and taking nothing away. I cant hear what people are saying cause if multiple people are talking it all blurs into a single sentence. And my body dumps literally all the cortisol into my blood and i have to recover for a good while afterwards.
What can i even do? Like, i could admin a *nix box that serves stuff, i can cook, i can do (very basic) firearm safety, i can do things, but the social aspect is really hard for me. Organizers want to fire people up, but that firing up incapacitates me. How can i attend a meeting when that meeting is geared toward not-me and within 15 minutes im in emergency mode and lose the ability to form solid memories from the meeting, or lose the ability to speak? Last one i went to, it started with chants and that was kinda it for me. I stayed thru the end, but it was really intense and i needed to lay down cry and be held afterwards. I cant participate in those kinds of things in a manner that is sustainable for me.
I want to do stuff, i want to contribute, i want to make the world even just a little bit better, but i feel like all the activities and actions that are available to me are things that are either veryvery difficult or incapacitating for me.
I'm looking for help securing more consistent treatment in exchange for my work. I'm not particularly picky on that front.
There's various things I could offer. You might look at my profile and assume I am trying to sell people art, no that's not true I know it's like not good so I haven't even bothered really. I have plenty of other skills like I am good at making food or furniture or just patching up things. Now it feels like I am off topic again, but that's kind of the issue I'm a disorganized mess and I'm not medicated so even typing this out has taken me quite a bit of time I apologize for the delay.
I have found alternative means to secure some stuff for myself so don't worry it's not all that bad, but it is very sporadic which is what I was really trying to do, make myself more productive force for good. I'm honestly so bummed out the soviet union is gone I can't even offer my service for a liberation movement cause nobody is hosting any, although I would probably disqualify due to my issues >.<
As a person who sporadically white-knuckles themselves out of being a disorganized mess briefly, only to lapse back into being a disorganized mess, I can relate.
I don't mean to be obtuse here but are you saying that you are looking for consistent, ongoing care/management to support you so you can live a more fulfilling life in exchange for your work or are you saying that you are looking for an org that will treat you well and with consistency in exchange for your contributions to it? Sorry for not getting it the second time around.
I'm overcomplicating it. I'm just trying to earn funds for my treatment and I figured it'd be easier to find a solution on how I can turn my work into money, if I had other people who can assist me with figuring that out. In exchange for their assistance I'd of course give them a reward for it as well.
I'm just trying to make it absolutely clear I am not looking for handouts. I hope it's not taken personally, it's like a muscle memory