this post was submitted on 08 Jan 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] MissJinx@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

Can I have calebs phone number?! For a friend

[–] r00ty@kbin.life 276 points 3 days ago (6 children)

Going to be honest, with that many records and such a short primary key, she's running the risk of duplicate key issues.

[–] Zombiepirate@lemmy.world 60 points 3 days ago (6 children)

Coding data in emojis is also a terrible practice. This dataset just screams "amateur."

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[–] MakingWork@lemmy.ca 26 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (3 children)

This looks like a baby names list and it looks like her baby will be named Caleb. Lol

Its even in alphabetical order.

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[–] humorlessrepost@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

At least Ryan can get her off.

Yeah, but he's no Caleb.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 18 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

I want to know what all the emojis mean. Clearly each has a meaning, and some have a few, indicating she has intimate knowledge of something.

Go, Caleb, you dog!

[–] TeddE@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

For example, Oliver has magic hands

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[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 31 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Damn Caleb, what's your secret? Teach us your techniques!

[–] KuroiKaze@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago (4 children)

As everyone has pointed out Caleb likely doesn't have a big dick he just knows how to slowly build his erotic sensuality and authentic enthusiasm with proper cunnilingus.

Men overwhelmingly think women care about dick size, muscles, and cars than they actually do. That's the secret to happiness homies. All that stuff does is get your attention from other men.

LESS GYM

EAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

So what, you go up to girls and tell them you eat ass?

[–] KuroiKaze@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

It's a start. Not all will respond but the ones that do are worth it lolol

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[–] HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Not entirely true. Size does matter, but also technique. My size is above the national average (Dutch) but the best (overwhelmingly positive) reviews I've got was for my cunnilingus techniques. A big dick is easier to pleasure with, but technique can reach a far higher level than just size can ever reach.

In the post the rating for Caleb is the only one (visible) exceeding 10, overwhelmingly, so Caleb did more than just having a big dick.

[–] jali67@lemmy.zip 18 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (9 children)

Bro act like he has a metacritic or Steam score for his dick game “overwhelmingly positive” 😆

95% fresh 🍆

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[–] HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 18 points 2 days ago (3 children)

What are you talking about? I meant Caleb's eggplant parm recipe.

Weirdo.

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[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 11 points 2 days ago (6 children)

I also encourage all men, but especially those who aren't particularly well-endowed, to perfect your oral sex game.

You'll never be able to compete with the size they've seen in porn, but porn mostly skips over cunnilingus, so if you can do that well, you can give her something those porn stars can't.

From my experience, authentic enthusiasm is the key. Women are always worried about what's going on down there, so when a man dives in with enthusiasm and vigor, they realize they can just relax and enjoy the ride. After that, she'll be putty in your hands, boys.

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[–] QuinnyCoded@sh.itjust.works 142 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (4 children)
[–] Pistcow@lemmy.world 76 points 3 days ago

Congrats for the ok weinering.

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[–] TheOneAndOnly@lemmy.world 28 points 2 days ago (4 children)

"The smiley face is when I go down on the guy.

The smiley face with lashes is when the guy goes down on me.

The circle is for when we have sex.

The circle with the X is for when I have an orgasm.

The house is when we do it inside

and the grass is for outside..."

[–] Parabola@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago

What, like in the back of a Volkswagen?

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[–] peteypete420@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 days ago

Dam im only a 6?

[–] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 2 points 1 day ago

This might just be because of American Gothic, but Caleb is 100% an Antichrist name.

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 4 points 1 day ago

I'm smudged and illegible, probably because I'm disgusted that people can be like this.

[–] serpineslair@lemmy.world 48 points 3 days ago (1 children)

She rates dudes like I rate beer.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 27 points 3 days ago (2 children)
[–] serpineslair@lemmy.world 44 points 3 days ago (9 children)
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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 40 points 3 days ago

My bestie's name is Caleb and, at least before he was married, he did pull a lotta tail.

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 24 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It's unreasonable to expect everyone to be a Caleb but if you're a Sam you need to start doing research and practicing.

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[–] CodingCarpenter@lemmy.ml 18 points 2 days ago (4 children)

My original thought was baby names not dudes she's fucked 🤷

[–] ickplant@lemmy.world 25 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Two Matts on there. This is definitely about fucking.

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[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 day ago

you can tell it's not dudes she fucked because the scores are so high

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