this post was submitted on 06 Jan 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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all 32 comments
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[–] sangriaferret@sh.itjust.works 73 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Alligators generally aren't all that dangerous. They are not aggressive at all, especially not toward humans. But they fucking will be if they know you have food and then you're fucked.

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 64 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Technically we all have food in us.

[–] hansolo@lemmy.today 28 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Incorrect. I only have poop and wine inside me.

[–] baguettefish@discuss.tchncs.de 34 points 3 months ago (3 children)
[–] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Merde and Merlot Mondays aren't for everybody.

[–] fleem@piefed.zeromedia.vip 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] anomnom@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 months ago

Bone apple tea!

[–] hansolo@lemmy.today 6 points 3 months ago

It's cool, it's keto.

[–] deacon@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Great breakfast though.

[–] Tangent5280@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Also vomit if you ate within the last couple hours

[–] hansolo@lemmy.today 3 points 3 months ago

No, that's the point. I hadn't eaten since lunch, so all i have is wine, maybe a touch of bile, and poop.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 35 points 3 months ago (1 children)

God help us if they ever figure out that we're food

[–] sangriaferret@sh.itjust.works 17 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Even if they did, humans are way too big for them to bother with. They are lazy as fuck. Food practically has to fall into their mouths.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 16 points 3 months ago (3 children)

So, don't put baby in the alligator mouth. Got it.

[–] Godric@lemmy.world 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Instructions unclear, I have put a baby alligator in my mouth. It tasted like chicken!

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Are you sure it wasn't a caiman?

[–] Godric@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago

No, caimans taste more like crocodile, common mistake!

[–] seraphine@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

aww man, you ruined my weekend plans!

[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 7 points 3 months ago

The hell am I supposed to do with these babies? I can't afford a trip to Lake Michigan in this economy

[–] SanctimoniousApe@lemmings.world 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I heard that's how abortions are done in red states now - just gotta get 'er done solo so nobody can challenge the narrative.

[–] Whostosay@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 months ago

I've seen these fuckers eat water buffalo

[–] peteypete420@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 months ago

Thats why they get a bag of marshmellows

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 4 points 3 months ago

So they're the black bears of the large reptile world.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 19 points 3 months ago (1 children)

California doesn't get a lot of sea turtles so it makes sense

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago

It probably gets more than Kentucky.

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 19 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Fried alligator is fucking delicious. Even better if they're fed exclusively on marshmallows and purple drank.

[–] Someonelol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 3 months ago

US swamps must have so many diabetic gators.