I said, "car", "man", "basketball", very fast when the doctor held up the cue cards, folks, so fast the doctor couldn't even keep up it's true! Then the nurse, oh was she beautiful, she said, you know what she said? "Oh, oh, Mr. President, no one in the history of our country has aced this test like you, it's true, you handsome stud!" I told her I'm happily married, but she could have been from central casting, folks. 
this post was submitted on 02 Jan 2026
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Chapotraphouse
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I told her I'm happily married,
Poor Melania. First he got covid and he was very sick but he didn't die. And then there was a notable assassination attempt but - again - he didn't die. And now his brain is dying but - who knows - he might live another decade or so.
If South Park is as accurate as they have been we will soon have heads in jars. The jars don't have to be clear glass.
Off to see the wizard brain is the best brain nobody has ever seen a big man with muscles "Your brain is best brain I love your brain" and he's right! He's right! Crying! The doctor said "Mr. Preisident Trump, sir - your brain is throughbred brain. STRONG AND POWERFUL." Smart! Baseline test 100%. Progression? Zero. ONLY MORE STRONG AND MORE POWERFUL. Sharks, windmills, and bears - oh, my! Believe me. Believe me.
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How often is President "Good brain - very, very good brain" Trump going to these tests? Monthly? Yeesh.
His brain is only becoming more powerful and more beautiful, they need to measure his progress.
AND MORE SMOOTH
so smooth and taut you could bounce a quarter off it
Folds bad ugly deformed. Smooth best smooth-smooth-smooth so best.
You know what? Fuck it, let's raise the minimum age to be president by 40 years
Only senile presidents!
You joke but this is Sitcom gold!
This week on: The White House
No Mr. President, don't touch that button!
This one right here? presses button
Mr. President you just blew up Aspen!
Aspirin? I don't have a headache. Who are you?
Canned laughter
My brain is very good which is why I am regularly taking cognitive tests