Honestly, I get the joke, but I think the stereotype that queer relationships are inherently less prone to toxicity than hetero ones is at times a bit harmful.

I've heard plenty of accounts of toxic, if not right downright abusive, gay and lesbian relationships.

[–] PowerLurker@hexbear.net 18 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

no i don’t disagree im just shitpostin’ and been drinkin a little

i think the grain or two or three of truth is that hetero ones tend to have a higher baseline of harmful shit ya gotta unlearn. but the trope can easily veer into model minority type shit and also just like minimize the bad (or even abusive like you said) experiences queer people can have in relationships.

[–] ConcreteHalloween@hexbear.net 16 points 3 months ago

Nah you're fine.

[–] WokePalpatine@hexbear.net 13 points 3 months ago (2 children)

My wife is a dungeon, yes.

[–] PowerLurker@hexbear.net 10 points 3 months ago

for the record fellxs: i fr*ggin love my gf!!

[–] invalidusernamelol@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

For the record, so is mine and this is not a bad thing

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 22 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Well the old boomer trope of this was because back in the day divorce was frowned upon by polite society so marriages stayed together loveless and bitter. Today people thankfully can move on from shit like this.

[–] ConcreteHalloween@hexbear.net 23 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I think fear of being alone still drives a lot of people to stay with partners they hate.

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Yeah it does for sure, I just know like for example my parents failed marriage, they stayed together because it was "the right thing to do" which is just mental.

[–] ConcreteHalloween@hexbear.net 14 points 3 months ago

Me and my sister we relieved when my parents got divorced, those two DID NOT have a healthy relationship.

[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago

being alone fucking sucks shit

[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago

the social stigma is gone, but the economic calculus of needing two incomes has rarely been stronger, even for baseline stuff like housing and health insurance.

[–] WokePalpatine@hexbear.net 17 points 3 months ago

I need to stay with them to farm them for bits to post.

[+] SnakeEyes@hexbear.net 16 points 3 months ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

[deleted]

[–] ConcreteHalloween@hexbear.net 16 points 3 months ago (2 children)

No that's definitely true.

But there are definitely people who get complacent bad, but not full on abusive, relationships and complain about it constantly while not having the courage to rip the fucking band-aid off already.

[–] TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Low self-esteem will do some shit to you. I just heard about a friend who's a lovely person by any standards, just a great gal, but who was bullied relentlessly as a teenager because she has kind of a lisp and a few acne scars, and has a really warped perception of herself.

She's now living with the first man she ever dated (they started dating in her 20s), who was always an unpleasant guy to me, but who seemed to keep it to himself, and made her happy. Lately, this guy lost his job, likely because of struggling with addiction, so now he stays at home smoking crack and getting drunk every day.

Last time my friends went to visit her, she was on edge all the time, her hands were shaking, she just seemed like she was really frazzled. They asked her if she was doing ok, and apparently she's developed IBS because of the stress of her job and not being able to relax in her own home, so she can barely eat anything. He's constantly demanding she give him money for drugs and alcohol, leaving home and coming back completely wasted. She's worried she might lose her job soon because of the stress, and what he'll do once they have no income. They pointed that all of this were huge red flags and that she should flee this situation ASAP. Her response was "he loves me, who's going to love me after? I don't want to lose the only person who's ever loved me".

What do you say to that? We're checking on her and reminding her she has friends and family who love her, but until she doesn't realize she is worthy of non-abusive love, there's nothing we can do other than being there for her. And it's really hard to break those very ingrained beliefs. I've been working on it for years and I still think i'm a piece of shit lol.