this post was submitted on 29 Dec 2025
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Not The Onion

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[–] n0respect@lemmy.world 3 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

He stabbed me with a sword Mal ... How weird!

[–] SabinStargem@lemmy.today 10 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

These people think evil quest givers in games are role models, not warnings.

[–] AmbitiousProcess@piefed.social 71 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

“I’d much rather make a squatter homeless than have a landlord lose property,” Jacobs added.

These are the pieces of shit your politicians listen to every time they increase funding for police enforcement against the homeless, and deny zoning changes, even if it would improve the housing crisis. "theft is always bad no matter what 🤓☝️"

You have to be genuinely mentally ill to believe that someone going homeless is better than someone with more properties than they need to live in losing one of those properties so someone has a place to live.

[–] Phegan@lemmy.world 24 points 11 hours ago

Breaking: local man enjoys licking boots.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

bay area homeowners about to lose homes

if you have trouble with squatters, i am willing to sell professional advice on how to get them to leave. it never fails.

[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 154 points 16 hours ago (4 children)

“I’d much rather make a squatter homeless than have a landlord lose property,” James added.

Keeping it classy.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 4 points 2 hours ago

he smells like a nimby. he probably would be at the place when MILLBRAE(rich white residents) were complaining about converting a former hotel into a liviing space for the impoverished that occured like last year.

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago

So it was him making all those pro-landlord memes...

I thought for sure I was on the onion when I read that line. Sad that it's real

[–] Wildmimic@anarchist.nexus 42 points 15 hours ago (14 children)

wanted to say the same thing. what a dickhead, simping for landlords.

[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 7 points 13 hours ago (4 children)

Hear me out: I don’t blame landlords for wanting to protect their investments. But, I do have a problem with them (and guys like James here) who do it at the expense of the downtrodden. Being a landlord should not have to be mutually exclusive with helping people.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 13 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

I'm not seeing it.

For there to be squatters, the landlords had to have this property open and unrented for a while. The only way that happens is if the rent is too high.

What kind of landlord can afford to have a rental property vacant for a significant period of time and not accept a lower rent? Ones who own lots of property and would prefer to lose income rather than reduce the average rent price in the area.

In the industry, withholding housing from people because you want to make more money, when you can clearly afford to get no income from it, is called "a dick move".

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[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 5 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

I don’t blame landlords for wanting to protect their investments.

I'm a landlord (not by choice, but shit happens). I've never hired goons and never would. I do blame landlords for resorting to this kind of bullshit.

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[–] Crankenstein@lemmy.world 0 points 5 hours ago

Their investments fundamentally come at the expense of the downtrodden by relegating necessities behind a paywall that they have private ownership over.

Being a landlord is fundamentally against helping people. It is explicitly about utilizing the private ownership over housing in order to profit off of someone else's inherent need of shelter.

It is mutually exclusive and there is nothing that can be done to change that. The system is fundamentally oppressive.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 hours ago

OK I heard you out. But I absolutely do blame them. It is mutually exclusive, they're parasites and aren't helping anyone. The guy who helps fix up your home is the property manager, for which landlords occasionally hire themselves using your rent money.

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[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 35 points 13 hours ago (3 children)

“The average squatter has no melee experience,”

But what about magic? Magic beats melee in the combat triangle.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 3 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

what about crack, and fentanyl buffs.

[–] Slashme@lemmy.world 3 points 1 hour ago

Fentanyl is a debuff.

[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 5 points 10 hours ago

And people with melee experience are not bulletproof.

[–] billbasher@lemmy.world 6 points 13 hours ago (3 children)

At a distance! This would be close quarter

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 3 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago)

It actually doesn't matter as far as the combat triangle is concerned because melee armor has debuffs for magic defense and magic armor has buffs for melee defense IIRC

Also mages can freeze you and shit

[–] okmko@lemmy.world 2 points 4 hours ago

Here me out, longbow is still melee range.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 hours ago

If the squatter mage has been there long enough to count it as a chantry, then there's wards and no paradox, so the melee assailant is cooked.

[–] underisk@lemmy.ml 54 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

its very important that the property remains empty, you see. if we allowed people to pay too little for it that would drive the prices of our other properties down.

literally just the passage from grapes of wrath.

[–] shininghero@pawb.social 85 points 15 hours ago (5 children)

...with professional-grade tactical gear.
The gear includes firearms, ballistic full-body armor, flash bangs and smoke grenades, tear gas...

Where the fuck are you sourcing explosives and tear gas as a civilian, and more importantly...
Where can I get some? Purely for home defense, of course. Definitely not wanting it for defrost purposes.

[–] Mirshe@lemmy.world 5 points 6 hours ago

Totally legal, all of that. The grenades require a $200 DD stamp each (don't think the smokes do, unsure about tear gas - I know I bought smoke grenades for airsoft all the time back when I played), but everything there is totally legal from your local gun show or Bubba.

[–] brap@lemmy.world 42 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Plus points for “defrosting” there, very nicely put.

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 3 hours ago

It would seem contrary to known physics, but tear gas actually makes frozen water whine like little bitches. 🤷🏼‍♂️

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[–] BigTuffAl@lemmy.zip 43 points 15 hours ago

this is a puff piece about the kind of gangster who turns up murdered and unmourned

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 34 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Squatters rights are an important part of common law and they serve as a foundational means of ensuring valuable real estate remains in use. Adverse possession requires openly living somewhere for years without permission or resistance from the owner

[–] Slashme@lemmy.world 5 points 1 hour ago

Yep, and this guy is one form of "resistance". But doesn't reporting the squatter to the police count as "resistance" as well? Surely you don't need to hire private goons to chuck them out?

[–] tal@lemmy.today 25 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

sword-wielding man

ASAP Squatter Removal has a 95%+ success rate

Every now and then, you run into a spearman.

[–] deegeese@sopuli.xyz 41 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

This fool is going to get shot.

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 36 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

I assume it's a joke, but the guy said professional tactical gear and firearms apparently, as well as teargas and such. If he's not joking I'd say their odds of going to prison are pretty good. Premeditating and provoking a situation with deadly weapons instead of contacting actual authorities and following the laws/procedure doesn't seem like it would work out well for anyone.

[–] Typhoon@lemmy.ca 17 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Isn't that the exact gear that cops use to break up homeless encampments?

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 19 points 14 hours ago

Whether we like it or not, those cops are the proper procedure/authorities in said situation. Thus they are allowed by law. I can't just hire a neighbor to show up to a homeless camp with said gear and expect when something goes wrong for them not to get arrested for murder/battery, and probably be arrested for something else. Paying them to do so probably has a different terminology than an accessory. Might fall under the rico shit, not sure

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[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 16 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Ok......but what happens when a squatter has a gun?

[–] chunes@lemmy.world 5 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

"The average sword-wielding man has no firearms experience."

[–] Slashme@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

He should slowly develop his resistance to bullets, starting with air rifle and then small calibre rounds.

[–] TheReturnOfPEB@reddthat.com 19 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

Ads for this type of services show up in craigslist regularly where I live. Named organizations like Viking Acquisitions or FAFO LLC post weekly. I bugged the local newspaper about it, but they were disinterested.

[–] fedupwithbureaucracy@lemmy.world 19 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

Then I’ll train and purposely squat so that this stain can be humbled

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