this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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[–] dgdft@lemmy.world 80 points 1 week ago (1 children)

A lack of eyes disqualifies a man as eastern Roman Emperor. It’s understandable that many women would find that a dealbreaker.

To train eye strength, I recommend looking at things. Reading picture books can help stimulate hypertrophy as well.

[–] affenlehrer@feddit.org 29 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Sleep with a lot of REM could help too. It's basically HIIT for the eyes.

[–] starchylemming@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

naeh, you can have a fucked up sleep schedule and slightly bloodshot eyes and still get eye pull if you do 1+2+3

so what do you actually need to pull the eye fetishists? (anectotal evidence, not applicable in general):

  • long lashes
  • a bright eye color type
  • do not wear glasses

you can do all of that artifically

the majority of people with bright blue eyes need contacts/glasses anyway so almost nobody can pull all 3 criteria naturally. so go ahead and do your lashes, my guy 😘

[–] The_Surviv0r@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 week ago

Sure but which REM album exactly?

[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 37 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Watch Jim Carrey movies and emote along

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

No no no, that's too much eyebrow usage, it takes away from all the eye muscles!

[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

How about this

[–] bestboyfriendintheworld@sh.itjust.works 32 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Real answer: practice holding eye contact

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 15 points 1 week ago

I knew it was hopeless.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (2 children)

when i go on dates i'm shocked how many women can't hold eye contact, and yet on their profile they say how much they like men who can.

it's almost as if people project their inabilities/insecurities onto their potential partners...

[–] chonglibloodsport@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

Too much eye contact can be threatening (predatory animals are really good at staring). There’s a fine line between eye contact with romantic/sexual overtones and aggressive/scary/creepy eye contact. If they’re avoiding your gaze then it might be the latter.

[–] Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

To them, you can hold eye contact, so it's working as they prefer.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Exactly. They want someone with the force of character, however small, to maintain eye contact. It isn’t an inherently positive trait, it’s simply a trait.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Right but the point being made is that some woman who want this, who say they want this... can't do it themselves, can't reciprocate it.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 week ago

Huh. I always believed eye contact was simply looking people in the eyes, regardless of the direction of their gaze. They might have made the same mistake.

[–] Siethron@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

On the other hand I've met several girls who said they find eye contact (while having a conversation, not just random eye meet cutes) creepy. Granted we were teenagers when having these discussions, wonder if they still feel the same way.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

they like eye contact from hot people, and find eye contact from ugly people creepy.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 week ago

stands in front of mirror, holding up my eye contacts lenses in their case, staring at them, not sure what purpose the mirror serves here...

[–] some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world 25 points 1 week ago
[–] lurch@sh.itjust.works 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

5 crosseyes and 10 squints per day should do the trick

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Then blink until failure.

Your eyes will be ripped in no time.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I mean... this isn't really silly/bad advice if you just have a non expressive face, or just... don't often or don't know how to make facial expressions, however you want to say that.

Its pretty common for actors to practice making various kinds of faces in the mirror.

[–] AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.net 22 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

If you look at screens a lot, you might be doing the wrong kind of blinks.

I learned this when I had to be seen at the dry eye clinic, but there's two kinds of blinks you can do. When your eyes get overly dry or you get something in your eye, the way that you blink is more deliberate or forceful. You can tell if you're doing this kind of active blink by gently placing your fingertip in the top outer corner of your eye socket, and seeing if you can feel movement there when you blink.

The position for each person is slightly different, so just try different positions for your fingertip and do deliberately strong (but not too forceful) blinks until you can feel the muscles underneath moving. It's quite subtle. For me, the location is just below the bone of my eye socket, directly up from the outer corner of my eye.

The other kind of blink is more passive, and is what the vast majority of your blinks should be, and people who use screens a lot tend to not do enough of these because they keep their eyes open for too long while using a computer, drying out their eyes and necessitating those big blinks I described above. The small blinks are important because they stimulate the lipid secreting glands in your eyelid rim, which can lead to dry eyes.

Put your fingertip at the corner of your eye like I described above, and this time, try shutting your eyes gently and slowly, as if you're trying to stay awake but you're unable to stop yourself from drifting off. If you're doing it right, you shouldn't feel muscular movement as you blink. You might need to finetune your fingertip position by a few millimetres, because if you're too far out, you won't feel muscular movement even if you're blinking wrong. Once you've got the feel of how to discern between the two kinds of blinks, then you can see if you can do the passive blinks but at normal speed, as if you're just a normal person and not sitting there with your finger on your eyes feeling silly.

I find that I'm way less likely to get dry eyes if I make sure that I occasionally do "sets" of passive blinks when I'm taking breaks from screens. I do like 20 of the normal speed passive blinks, and then 10-20 passive blinks that take longer, with my eyes remaining closed for a second or so after each one. I've found that now that I have the knack of it and don't need to feel with my fingers whether I'm doing it right, it can sometimes be a fun way to fill the time.

Edit: this will not give you more muscley eyes, but is an actually useful skill to build if you are someone who has unknowingly built a habit of blinking in the bad way

[–] some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world 22 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Everyone reading this comment:

Gif of white guy blinking

[–] gmtom@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)

We legit do eye exercises at training.

Hold a thumb up at arms length, then another at half way, then start by focusing on the far thumb, then the middle thumb, then your nose and back to the far thumb. Do that 10 times.

The hold your arms out to either side so you thumbs are right on the edge of your vision, then without moving your head look back and forth between either thumb. Then same for up and down.

[–] bollybing@lemmynsfw.com 1 points 1 week ago

What training?

[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 10 points 1 week ago

Squints til failure

[–] cypherpunks@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 week ago
[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago

You don't want them to look more muscled; in fact you want them to look more relaxed and happy.

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

Looking directly into the sun is damaging to the eyes

What doesn't kill you makes it stronger.

Do sets of looking into the sun with ever increasing magnification to make the eyes stronger.

::: spoiler

Don't actually do this

:::

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Don’t actually do this

You’re just trying to keep all of the eye gains to yourself

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Let me blow you away with the power of my wink ;)

[–] ulterno@programming.dev 2 points 1 week ago

Are my eyes too good, or your "Spoiler" isn't spoily?

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

the 'spoiler' in spoiler tags actually has to start with a lower case s.

I think it also has to then be followed by at least a space, and then and enter/return/line break

::: spoiler

empty spoiler

:::

Spoiler

Spoiler spoiler

Welp, nope, ok, a spoiler has to have a space, and then some kind of title following the space

... or maybe i am using a mobile app that has slightly different spoiler rendering syntax ... ?

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 2 points 1 week ago

Just changing the case on the s did the trick (on connect). I believe through the web interface it's different.

[–] dogs0n@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Monacle is the only way.

Even better if you reverse it so your eye balls look huge to everyone else.

[–] MeowerMisfit817@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

the title is the type of thing the second guy would say in a "bro visited his friend" meme

[–] AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

They mean the guy looks them in the eyes and not at the ground when they're talking.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

That, but also, having attractive eyes is a thing. Influenced by genetic factors, as well as lifestyle, mental, and cosmetic factors.

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Here's how you do eye excercises for more muscly eyes:

  • gouge your eyes out.
  • eyes don't have those kind of trainable muscles.
[–] Honytawk@feddit.nl 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Every moving part has muscles.

They are just hidden inside the skull.

Your nails growing is a part moving without muscles

[–] Phegan@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You joke, but my PT actually has me doing eye exercises. Turns out your entire body is connected and your eyes can impact so much if you use them in very static ways.

[–] TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Doesn't matter if your eyes are ripped, if you have no game.