askchapo

That's just lots of white people

The false "I have my shit together" of the landlord

Social atomization of the west and the capitalist system forcing workers to always present an artificially pristine version of themselves 24/7.

Go up the socioeconomic ladder and you encounter many of the people you're describing.

Yes, but I also got to see them take sort of a fall. Turned out a lot of the negative things people believed about me were actually true of this person.

Our friends were sensing something wrong in the aether, and I guess they tried to explain it by pinning it all on me. I had been drifting into fascist ideology around the time my regular social circle coalesced, after all. What they didn't understand was that years earlier, I had realized that there would eventually come a time when I would be forced to choose between fascist ideology or being part of this friend group. I decided to keep my friends, and I started seeking out content that challenged my worldview and let myself be changed by it. Sure, I never acknowledged that I had been a cryptofascist, but I was never shy about voicing my new left wing stance either. I also came into conflict with people who held the sorts of beliefs I had held just a few years prior. So I really don't get how they missed my metamorphosis into the Hexbearian I eventually became.

There eventually were some people who came to see what I was seeing, but unfortunately they weren't/aren't in contact with my former circle, so I remain on the shit list.

There was a fascist in my friend group that was generally liked by the others, even admired for some things, but eventually they too realized how much of a fascist piece of shit he is and cut him off as well

I guess I did in like...high school. I dont really walk in crowds where that kinda thing is gonna happen tho, my social circle has been punks and my professional circle has been cooks. Plus if I dont like someone it's either not a secret or if it has to be cause of work then it means they're my boss and it's totally fine to shit talk your boss behind their back and I do so frequently and with gusto

My aunt is a fucking freak but she's accepted in my extended family because her husband is rich.

Yes. Politicians here get away with it, white worship on the continent gives mfs a pass on terrible shit sexpats being an example . It gets real bad and hard to miss

No but I knew someone who thought they were like that

Yeah, I work with a few of them, unfortunately.

Edit: you know maybe i shouldn't tell this story on an account with as much potential information about me as this one. I'm not ashamed but I also don't come.out well.

All the mods here.

Yeah they always wind up as small business tyrants or corpo drones and then my instinctive hatred clicks

Not to over-medicalize and/or armchair shrink, but there are folks like that who are essentially just very manipulative people that see others as assets to acquire and leverage, not as people they actually care about beyond this. There have been many historical and pop-psych terms for people that do this, and in reality they run a range of psych categories and combinations, but nowadays the kids call them (and most other things) narcissists. To be clear that is not really the right term to use, but you will find results if you ask others for their experience with such people.

These people are actually dangerous in a workplace because if they realize that you aren't into their game and see what they are doing, they will see you as a threat and start enacting a plan to deal with you - usually marginalizing you in some way. So I recommend playing along and either leaving eventually or leveraging your own opportunities for influence, which is mostly about being well-liked, taking credit for things, and "doing the talking" when it comes to sharing ideas or results.

It is also basically a stereotype at this point that people on the spectrum are better at spotting people like this and sharing their findings.

that was a thing when i was younger-ish, maybe, but i dunno it seems like the truth invariably won out. like i sometimes found myself being the first one to have a what others would term a "personality conflict" with someone, and the people i hung out with routinely doubted my characterization... which would compound my frustration when a bad actor would seize on this to needle me further, leaving me no recourse.

but, i dunno, after years sometimes, things would come out. i would have left the social circle for elsewhere and moved on with my life, and some still trapped in it would reach out to apologize because now they had their own experience. vindicating? sure, but also like sad and lame because i'd forgotten all about it until they reminded me.

as i aged i became more confident in myself, more accommodating of eccentric behavior in others, and more discerning+less tolerant of assholes, but not in a aggressive way. more in an elegant, deflecting sort of way. like i would just take note and quietly subtract myself from the equation. also, i moved around a bunch and had to make new friends in new places. the friendships i would make were based on slowly growing mutual understanding and respect rather than historic geographic convenience and chronological length, which seems to make for better connections.

i think i changed a lot over time too, though i don't really notice it until those times i would go back to the places and people where i grew up. a lot of them come across as assholes to me now. and it surprises me every time. lots of aggressive, ill-humored shit-talking, open hostility, and what appears to be a misdirected self-loathing for lives that have turned out to be less than whatever it was they were expecting to happen by now.

i don't really get it, because i think my own life's ambitions are modest, and if i manage to pull off most of them, i'll be truly content: a little place to call my own, friendly neighbors and friends nearby, a garden and the means to turn its harvest into food. all these jerks i used to know were--and still are--interested with fame, fortune, epic romances, and some kind of renown/recognition as a big deal, but they expect it to just manifest one day from the gravitational pull of their messy dramas.

so, in short, all i can say is that some people are dicks and it's better to be away from them to pursue your life without the agitation of their noisy sideshow.

CHUDs.

I've met multiple people and known them over the course of months and they wind up with the belief that I'm some master manipulator or rhetorician when I frankly don't have the competence for either. Granted, I'm not "super attractive" or "loved" by their account or anyone else's. I'm used to people disliking me, it's just sort of what I assume someone's reaction toward me is, but some of them really hated me without being able to give a commensurate justification. One of them said that about me but liked me anyway, and I found that one really confusing.

I only really know of one case in my life where I knew someone who could be described like that, except he wasn't really attractive or smart, but he was popular and I can substantiate that he was awful because he was continuously sexually harassing this woman publically in front of a ton of other people and everyone just fucking ignored it, but when I eventually spoke about it with her in private, well, it turned out that I very much wasn't imagining it and she felt like she was going insane because no one said anything.

But usually, I think that when someone has this response to someone else and there isn't a very clear explanation, it's sometimes more about the person's own hangups even if they have valid criticisms about the person.

People who are socially calculating and put energy into making themselves a representation of what their peer group want for themselves invariably find success. It comes at a cost though. Deep down they know they are fake, and this causes them to police their social circle ruthlessly, and makes them resentful and uncharitable towards others. It also means that no matter how much time they spend around another person they will never connect with them on a truly deep level. They don't understand that its happening, because they think they can know and control everyone and everything. They certainly don't know why there is a black void in their spirit, or that its there. But, its presence pushes them to use the only tools they have to fix the issue, their social pragmatism and vanity. This only drives them deeper into misery. It gets even worse when those closest start to figure things out.

The ones who are most successful continually find new friends who are higher and higher on the social ladder, and who are more and more submissive to them. The constant in and outflow of friendship means that they are surrounded by people who are most effected by their best quality, their first impression. These people will peak in high school or college, unless they can continually climb the social ladder.

There's an essay called False Witnesses by Fred Clark that explains the popularity of a person I once knew. They partially openly abused people in front of others, and partially did it covertly at far more instense levels. They somehow won over people anyways. They loved talking shit and lied compulsively. Saying things like they saw ghosts and other stuff.

They were literally 20 years old when they tried intimidating children on social media platform meant for children by talking about how their boyfriend did martial arts, and she claimed he could kick their asses if he wanted to. I later told him about this and, like me, he found this seriously pathetic. As I assumed, she never showed him her children's social media profile and didn't know she was doing this. He soon broke up with her.

Of course she was one of those people who repetitively posted about how they look mean but they're actually a really cool and nice person if you get to know her. (They were very much not cool or nice.)

She made many new profiles a year, testing and trying on different sheep's clothing, and would try to add people who always blocked her each time she got a new profile. Mainly old victims of hers that she clearly only hoped to hurt again. She loved talking about how she was a vengeful person, which really meant she liked lashing out at people who spoke out about her because she feels entitled to abusing people and them staying silent about it.

But somehow some people took her side after I left her and talked about her abuse. They knew she was abusive and a compulsive liar. But they keep her around. Going along with her drama.

If you read the essay, you'll understand what I mean by people did this intentionally with malice, and there were a small few people who may still actually believe her bullshit. Other than that, she burns through people and is constantly scrambling for new ones. But she's had loyalty from a small group for over a decade. They rather knowingly be in an in-group based on bullshit than sit with the ugly, complicated truths and stories of abuse shared by people who've survived her.