askchapo

that was a thing when i was younger-ish, maybe, but i dunno it seems like the truth invariably won out. like i sometimes found myself being the first one to have a what others would term a "personality conflict" with someone, and the people i hung out with routinely doubted my characterization... which would compound my frustration when a bad actor would seize on this to needle me further, leaving me no recourse.

but, i dunno, after years sometimes, things would come out. i would have left the social circle for elsewhere and moved on with my life, and some still trapped in it would reach out to apologize because now they had their own experience. vindicating? sure, but also like sad and lame because i'd forgotten all about it until they reminded me.

as i aged i became more confident in myself, more accommodating of eccentric behavior in others, and more discerning+less tolerant of assholes, but not in a aggressive way. more in an elegant, deflecting sort of way. like i would just take note and quietly subtract myself from the equation. also, i moved around a bunch and had to make new friends in new places. the friendships i would make were based on slowly growing mutual understanding and respect rather than historic geographic convenience and chronological length, which seems to make for better connections.

i think i changed a lot over time too, though i don't really notice it until those times i would go back to the places and people where i grew up. a lot of them come across as assholes to me now. and it surprises me every time. lots of aggressive, ill-humored shit-talking, open hostility, and what appears to be a misdirected self-loathing for lives that have turned out to be less than whatever it was they were expecting to happen by now.

i don't really get it, because i think my own life's ambitions are modest, and if i manage to pull off most of them, i'll be truly content: a little place to call my own, friendly neighbors and friends nearby, a garden and the means to turn its harvest into food. all these jerks i used to know were--and still are--interested with fame, fortune, epic romances, and some kind of renown/recognition as a big deal, but they expect it to just manifest one day from the gravitational pull of their messy dramas.

so, in short, all i can say is that some people are dicks and it's better to be away from them to pursue your life without the agitation of their noisy sideshow.