Ask Lemmy

The last woman I was chatting with turned out to be anti-vax. So, not that.

You all have options??

Creative, fun and encouraging. Emotionally mature, respectful, and commited to ongoing self improvement. Everything else is peripheral, but bonus points for writers and artists who are into pc gaming and technology.

My biggest issue has been men socialized with some kind of bias against women, who don't examine their need to protect and try to make decisions for me. I'm pansexual but lean toward people with dicks.

I learned how to use power tools when I was seven, I'm mechanically inclined, and built my own PC at eighteen. There are an unfortunate number of men who will start a conversation with me from a place of condescension. The last date I went on, he showed me his chainsaw, I asked to try it out and what he said started with "Okay, well it can be a little scary at first because it's loud..." Another guy told me I was cracking eggs wrong when I made breakfast. I used to be a head chef.

Mostly free time to meet in person. Busy professional looking for busy professional gets difficult.

I'm gender fluid, I describe myself as 70% male, 30% female gender identity. I'm straight.

I am exhausted by women continually declaring what they want in men, but not really wanting that. I simply cannot act obsessive, possessive, or dominant. I want a woman to approach me on an equal footing. It continually shocks me how women demand toxic behavior in a dating context.

Options, I'm entirely socially isolated.

Depressive intellectual honesty is #1.

No children ever #2. I didn't like children even when I was one and that never changed. My sense of morality also disagrees with procreation.

No deity beliefs or vague spiritualism #3.

That's it really, and yet I've barely ever met anyone like this. People don't exactly advertise these traits that I've seen local to me.

Edit: Oh and as far as physical goes I'm not body picky. It's mostly about the face. I like angular, resting bitch face. Intensity. If you scare people I'm into it.

scales, wings, a tail, and the ability to breath fire tbh

An immune system capable of dealing with my pets.

Living nearby.

A positive attitude or at least a attempting to improve on things that bother them in their life.

Age.

I don't have current options.

Human decency. Most of my dates are souless corporate drones who are completely selfishly absorbed in chasing the dragon of materialism, while spouting spiritualistic new age buzzwords about how they value 'experiences' while they are spending 130% of their pay on luxury lifestyle living and are deeply unhappy and are solely looking for a male provider so they can quit their job and maintain their lifestyle.

They are often openly sexist, racist, and disgusting focused on appearances above all else. Everything is chasing brands and projecting an image of 'success' despite how rotten they are on the inside.

The last decent human being I met on a date was years ago. It was an immigrant woman who was a nurse who was supporting her family. She was so kind, thankful, and decent. I was not attracted to her but I meet about 35 of the above types of ladies for every decent one I meet who actually is living for someone other than personal 'hedonism' and needing weekly therapy to 'survive' the 'difficulties' of their sad little rich girl lives.

Authenticity, depth and integrity. Someone who isnt performative to please me and who I dont have to perform to please either. They wont force me into a role or idolize me yet we should still be able to like and appreciate each other as people of our own. Plus someone who I genuinely find physically attractive because I rarely find men who are attractive to me by my standards so until I find someone like that I dont even wanna try dating.

I move every two weeks.

This thread has been interesting to read.

I don't worry about guys starting out with preconceptions about women, most of them do (as we do about men) but also recognize people are individual. it always has settled out for me over time, but maybe the guys I attract are not looking for traditional "femininity" as I don't really ooze with it in looks or behavior. I'm delighted to be a woman for sure, but was not raised very differently from my brothers, my mom just treated us all the same.

And the first two responses in the list when I look at it:

"Having a sex drive as high as mine and not being bipolar."

And

"Someone that is okay with not being able to engage in coitus with me."

Shows how different we are, really that gives me hope.

Haven’t dated in years.

If I did: someone that would accept that in my spare time I like to video game (and won’t beat up on me for doing that).

Someone that doesn’t smoke or vape

Someone that will not get mad that I have a 5.1 theater on the main TV, or that I use a TiVo to record my shows.

Someone that isn’t ugly. Sorry but if I don’t find you attractive then the answer is no.

You don’t need large breasts but you need something there.

Also someone that can handle that I like sci-fi and fantasy movies.

And you need to make about what I make a year. It can be more, but not less. If you make less , then that means financially you can’t pay your monthly bills. I can support myself but on my income I can’t support two people.

I was never in a relationship and am very awkward in social interaction so I would probably want someone who will be patient with me and be alright with random info dumps/sharing YouTube videos about random tech and such.

Opportunity? Losing my baggage? Admittedly not in a hurry until my kids graduate but it would probably be wise to start laying the groundwork.

Currently my hobbies and activities tend to be home oriented so I really don’t meet anyone. I’ve always been introverted and most of my adult friends were couple friends or her friends. The few times I’ve looked into dating apps I’m immediately horrified by the personal information they collect

My ex has been amicable and reasonable and we’ve done a decent job of co-parenting but it’s tough to get past dedicating your life to someone for so many years. I wouldn’t take her back since things got toxic but I’m having a hard time leaving completely. At the same time I’d feel like I need to protect myself from anyone new, both in not opening myself to attack and not risking what little I have left for supporting my kids and retirement

I’m a real catch, right?

Someone who actually cares about me enough to help me with the things I suck at. Someone who would drop everything they are doing if I needed them, the way I do for everyone I care about. Someone who thinks I am sexy and wants to be physically intimate. Someone I am comfortable enough around to be myself and not mask to fit in.

What my current relationship is lacking is he's not as available as I would like, we don't talk about deep personal shit, and we don't really have sex. Basically just friends that cuddle and sleep in the same bed on occasion.

Main problem is I want more, and he doesn't know what he wants. But I'd rather keep what we have than have nothing at all. We're not monogamous so I've just been thinking about maybe simply adding more people than trying to find one that ticks every box. Plus it would be fun to say shit like "My Monday and Tuesday boyfriends are hanging out with my Wednesdsy girlfriend, which is why I'm just chilling with Thursday, even though it's Monday."

I still have to live with my vicious manipulative abusive ex for now until I can safely escape financially/logistically, and while we are very much NOT together, that's not an appealing situation for a potential date and I get that. I would also not want someone to feel like they had to help me get out, or like I was monkey branching into a new relationship, which is what my ex had done to me, which I didn't find out for some time, because that felt really bad for me when I found out, and while I don't think my ex deserves any considerate behaviour after the way he's treated me, I wouldn't feel good about myself for doing it.

It also feels really crappy to be middle aged and start all over with this, have to weed out the ones who aren't suitable, make an effort about the whole thing, and have to navigate a physical relationship with someone new, or find someone that shares my values.

Also sneaking around my ex would be potentially explosive.

Not going to lie though, having someone that makes me feel loved, tingly, excited, etc, and isn't a damnable monster would really be nice.

They need to be local or willing to help me move to them.

Online relationships are nice but I wanna cuddle. 😭