Chapotraphouse

"can't right now, I'm straight jorkin' it"

Calling it a restroom is already putting a sensitive spin on it.

At least you didn't say "I'm shiddin and fardin outta my doodoo ass rn"

Were you audibly straining when you said it

newer person working there

Opinion discarded. You know that "unavailable" isn't considered an acceptable general answer already. She needs to learn apparently. You're also expressing this idea as delicately as is polite, it's super weird to insist for even more euphemistic speech or to simply pretend humans don't need to expel waste during working hours.

Hit the lawyer, divorce up, gym her.

When I give out walkies to people at work I have to train them on radio etiquette including codes like 10-1 for bio break, 10-4 to say message received, etc.

I would say it's on whoever is in charge of distributing and managing the equipment/ their managers for not establishing standards

:If someone says they need to go to the bathroom while I'm hanging with them my head isn't immediately filled with images of them squeezing turds out of their Doo Doo ass.

And why on earth not?! It's a perfectly respectable thing to do

Chances are if you said "Im busy" or "Im unavailable" they were going to ask what you were doing in order to justify your unavailability. In which case you were going to tell this person you were sharting your fucking brains out either way.

Idk I'd like to think I'd just turn off the headset and enjoyed the silence while I'm pooping.

I'm the type of person who would double-down and straight-up tell her "Can't help right now I'm about to poop shoot myself to the moon! 3....2....1...shitsoff!" and encourage other coworkers to come up with similar bits.

'Course, all the places I've worked at have been places with horribly awful humor. My last job before getting disabled, I heard way too many tampon jokes because most of my coworkers were women.

Yea but then there's always that one clueless management person who needs to know where you are right then and there and the rest of the universe is going to hear you're on the shitter probably even while on it because otherwise your ass doo doo or not is being written up for not answering.

I don't think you're the ass here, she's probably just being petty or can't read the room.

One time I was basically dying on the toilet idr what was wrong, think it was a case of double buckets, but I kept pushing against the button, pretty sure the whole store heard me since they looked terrified when I got out and asked if everything was ok..ofc not. Our headsets you can totally hear people pee and poo, worst was one of the old managers' buttons got stuck and all you could hear was pissss on the radio, was awkward AF.

yeah after i stepped down from management i just don't wear the headset anymore. even though technically i should when i'm the senior associate in my dept.

my store is small, low volume, and i never take breaks anyways you know where i am.

tired of my thoughts being scrambled by chatter (and thus my ADHD made worse) and getting my head yanked while doing intensive physical labor

It's harder to get reprimanded for stating going to the bathroom.

I think you're fine, I'm more of an "in unavailable" person but if I had a reason to feel like people wouldn't respect that I guess I'd be more specific.

If it's a situation where you think someone would want to meet you asap at the restroom door, that makes sense too, although my preference is that I'd go and find the caller when I'm done.

None of this is worth making a scene over.