This is just an impossible situation. You're going to need more dads if they're going to coffin dance you to the altar
this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2025
593 points (99.3% liked)
196
4434 readers
2137 users here now
Community Rules
You must post before you leave
Be nice. Assume others have good intent (within reason).
Block or ignore posts, comments, and users that irritate you in some way rather than engaging. Report if they are actually breaking community rules.
Use content warnings and/or mark as NSFW when appropriate. Most posts with content warnings likely need to be marked NSFW.
Most 196 posts are memes, shitposts, cute images, or even just recent things that happened, etc. There is no real theme, but try to avoid posts that are very inflammatory, offensive, very low quality, or very "off topic".
Bigotry is not allowed, this includes (but is not limited to): Homophobia, Transphobia, Racism, Sexism, Abelism, Classism, or discrimination based on things like Ethnicity, Nationality, Language, or Religion.
Avoid shilling for corporations, posting advertisements, or promoting exploitation of workers.
Proselytization, support, or defense of authoritarianism is not welcome. This includes but is not limited to: imperialism, nationalism, genocide denial, ethnic or racial supremacy, fascism, Nazism, Marxism-Leninism, Maoism, etc.
Avoid AI generated content.
Avoid misinformation.
Avoid incomprehensible posts.
No threats or personal attacks.
No spam.
Moderator Guidelines
Moderator Guidelines
- Don’t be mean to users. Be gentle or neutral.
- Most moderator actions which have a modlog message should include your username.
- When in doubt about whether or not a user is problematic, send them a DM.
- Don’t waste time debating/arguing with problematic users.
- Assume the best, but don’t tolerate sealioning/just asking questions/concern trolling.
- Ask another mod to take over cases you struggle with, if you get tired, or when things get personal.
- Ask the other mods for advice when things get complicated.
- Share everything you do in the mod matrix, both so several mods aren't unknowingly handling the same issues, but also so you can receive feedback on what you intend to do.
- Don't rush mod actions. If a case doesn't need to be handled right away, consider taking a short break before getting to it. This is to say, cool down and make room for feedback.
- Don’t perform too much moderation in the comments, except if you want a verdict to be public or to ask people to dial a convo down/stop. Single comment warnings are okay.
- Send users concise DMs about verdicts about them, such as bans etc, except in cases where it is clear we don’t want them at all, such as obvious transphobes. No need to notify someone they haven’t been banned of course.
- Explain to a user why their behavior is problematic and how it is distressing others rather than engage with whatever they are saying. Ask them to avoid this in the future and send them packing if they do not comply.
- First warn users, then temp ban them, then finally perma ban them when they break the rules or act inappropriately. Skip steps if necessary.
- Use neutral statements like “this statement can be considered transphobic” rather than “you are being transphobic”.
- No large decisions or actions without community input (polls or meta posts f.ex.).
- Large internal decisions (such as ousting a mod) might require a vote, needing more than 50% of the votes to pass. Also consider asking the community for feedback.
- Remember you are a voluntary moderator. You don’t get paid. Take a break when you need one. Perhaps ask another moderator to step in if necessary.
founded 8 months ago
MODERATORS
Just don't use a full weight litter/coffin. He's not a vampire, so the whole 'rising from the coffin to seize the woman wearing white and force them to marry the vampire' thing doesn't have to happen. They could use a very light rug with poles shoved through to carry the offspring. If five grown men can't dance beneath the weight of four poles building a frame with a rug carrying a person, either they need more protein, or the kid needs less.
It messes up the pallbearing dance cadence if there are an uneven number of dads though, they'll just have to get another dad in the mix.
So put 'daddy' in the middle, operating another pole.
spoiler
;) if it wasn't obvious enough
Lol 5 dads is unhinged. Like a wacky sitcom.
My 5 dads starts this fall on TBS
Hollyhock Manheim-Mannheim-Guerrero-Robinson-Zilberschlag-Hsung-Fonzerelli-McQuack
Yeah I've got three moms and thought I had it bad
I am starting the pilot
Each does it alone she just has to run around the outside real quick after each time or they do it relay style and pass her off to the next one.
Honestly, a relay sounds pretty cool. Every dad gets to do 10 meters of aisle
50m worth of aisle is a pretty frickin' huge wedding venue. I guess 5 dads implies a lot of extended family, but still, just how many guests are you suggesting?!
Those 5 dads had better be splitting the catering bill...
the math
Assuming each row is 1m deep (which is apparently typical according to a quick web search), and a minimum of 10 guests on each side of the aisle (which is still pretty long and skinny), you're talking about 50×20=1000 guests, minimum!
My wedding had quite a bit of aisle behind the guests. You don't need to fill it with guests.
I know it's not cool to comment this but the relay style cracks me up imagining it thank you
Wait, is she the last runner or is she the baton?
That reminds me how Agent 47 from the Hitman games canonically has five biological dads
oh yeah, he has a scientist dad and a bunch of genetic dads, and as assassin dad, and another dad
Probably their original adopted dads
roll a dice if it lands on 6 then all 5 together
It’s a net twenty, your biological mother transitions you now have 6 dads. You are being carried on your palanquin down the aisle. One of your dads almost slips on one of the rose petals, but otherwise everything is exactly like you hoped for. You look to your groom/bride, they smile at you. Just as you are being slowly put down, you notice something is off. Do you roll for perception or ignore it?
roll for perception
You roll a 12+2=14. You look around for a moment, trying to figure what’s wrong, then it strikes you like a lightning bolt. When looking closely at your fiancé(e)s smile you notice that their canines are unnaturally long and pointed. You also can’t seem to spot a single cross in the church. The groom/bride holds their hand out for you, the palanquin now fully resting on the limestone floor. Just for a moment their smile seems to lack the kindness you know of your partner and looks almost like a grin.
What do you do?
pull out my emergancy garlic toss it at them and run away
They flinch at the garlic, their arm twitching back. They make a hissing sound, almost like you accidentally kicked a cat. You hop off the palanquin and make a run for it. Before you can reach the entrance two men that you didn’t see before that are standing to the sides of it shut the door. Your fiancé(e) having quickly recovered is making their way towards you. You can now see their animalistic teeth clearly.
grab a piece of wood from a nearby bench and stab them in the hart
You didn’t notice that the piece of wood was actually firmly attached to the bench. Strength check: 16+4=20. You pick up the lighter than expected bench and smash it against their heart region, hurling them backwards. They hit a tinted window of the church, shattering it and letting sunlight shine directly into the building. They let out a bloodcurdling scream as their skin burns as if it were submerged in boiling oil. They slowly sink to their knees, leaving only a charred corpse.
You wake up. “You fell a sleep for a moment.” your therapist says, “We were just talking about your time in Vietnam”. It is the eleventh September 2001. You look out of the window, just in time to see that a plain has hit the World Trade Center.
The end?
just like the doom guy i become a vampire hunter with the only mission in my life to kill as many vampires as possible
Maybe that practice rooted in a dad ceremoniously giving their daughter to someone else is kind of fucking weird and unnecessary.
I mean i like the Egyptian angle, but have you also considered teaming them like huskies and hiring a sled?
Or even doing that scene from Malcolm in the Middle
While having a family brawl with a bunch of clowns might be a hilarious way to start a wedding, how does it help with the 5 dads thing?
winner walks them down the aisle. How did you think this was gonna end, wide ride?
Why can't they all walk with her? Except for the one who gave her up.
2 flower dads in front (adopted dad + step dad)
Bio dad and bride (if she has a good relationship with him and wants that)
2 flower dads in back (other adopted dad + step dad)
Or make them all sit and let bio mom do it, if bride's relationship with bio mom is good.
But I like the planenquine suggestion from the meme best, she should do that. When else will she have a chance to do that?
Palanquin.
My friends and I plan to do game show-esque challenges for the title of best man at each of our weddings
@RmDebArc_5 what the fuck did I just read?
It's pretty easy to understand if you are familiar with the concepts of marriage, walking, aisles, dads etc.
Just fyi if you want to mention someone so that they get a notification you have to include the instance
@fu@libranet.de
@RmDebArc_5 I just do whatever my client does by default.
@RmDebArc_5 FYI, it looks like I tagged you, but you did not tag me in the comment where you where saying I tagged you incorrectly.
Ah my bad. I didn’t know you are using Friendica, its tagging works differently than piefeds