guess it's my turn
cw: SI
been thinking about suicide constantly these days. not really in a "teetering on the edge, about to take the plunge" type way (well, most of the time), more in a "i have consulted the charts and run the numbers and concluded this would be best for everyone involved" sort of fashion. the only thing that stays my hand is the knowledge that it would destroy the last few people i have in my life, despite the objective fact that they would be better off (materially and emotionally) if i were dead. as it stands i'm trapped here, unable to extricate myself from my loved ones gently enough that my leaving and my passing would cause minimal harm. and so the world gets to suffer the exquisite joy of my presence.
this rocks