Remember, George Washington's false teeth weren't wooden, they were looted from dead slave's bodies.
this post was submitted on 23 Oct 2023
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the_dunk_tank
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Also, fun fact: James Madison (who was the fourth president and wrote the American Constitution) had a black son who he owned as a slave, and who was the result of him raping his own half-black sister, who he also owned as a slave.
Holy shit, this is a new fave website. The reviews are savage beyond belief.
Crimson Gold Apple
"A crabapple in disguise". 31 points, "Horse food" tier
These little shits are glorified crabapples masquerading as edible fruit and should not be tolerated outside of cider production and pretentious baking applications. Each minuscule bite of these filthy monkey cheeks explode with an intense yet somehow dry flavor combination that will make you want to spontaneously vomit. Do not be fooled by this repackaged trash, Crimson Gold is just a misleading name slapped on a swollen testicle.
holy shit i am crying in the break room right now
My girlfriend and I have been howling for like half an hour at this site.
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Sweetango
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Honeycrisp
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Kanzi
I trust their judgement. That's the right order.
new struggle session dropped!
Cosmic Crisp: 74. "The most overhyped apple of all time"
oh these are some fucking fighting words
There are better tasting apples, but there aren't any better tasting apples with anywhere near the same shelf life. As someone who eats maybe an apple or two a week this is an important consideration.
It's a good apple and I think they're not being entirely fair, but the skin is worse than Honeycrisp.
The Red Delicious is "A baseball glove filled with coffee grounds". That is correct.
Thank you both, this is amazing.
I gotta say they are spot on with the so-called "Red Delicious" apple. Every one of those apples looks and tastes like meal covered in wax.
Holy shit this is great
The Autumn Glory " Well, science has finally created an apple that tastes like the spit in your mouth right before you vomit. This fever dream of a deranged Washingtonian scientist is shielded by a clever name and shifty marketing team who carelessly toss around manufactured flavor notes such as “caramel”, “warm cider”, and “subtle cinnamon.” But, make no mistake, this pee-stained lump-fruit tastes less like cider and cinnamon and more like a urine-soaked gas station bathroom floor that someone accidentally spilled cinnamon on. Which makes this apple less Autumn Glory more Autumn Glory Hole.
That being said, this nasty piss floor of an apple does have the benefit of tasting unique. And while it certainly won’t be for everyone, there are an adventurous few who may actually enjoy a walk on the wild side. "
I kinda pity the person who had real life experiences to even think about those particular metaphors.
- Well, science has finally created an apple that tastes like the spit in your mouth right before you vomit.
- This fever dream of a deranged Washingtonian scientist is shielded by a clever name and shifty marketing team who carelessly toss around manufactured flavor notes such as “caramel”, “warm cider”, and “subtle cinnamon.”
- But, make no mistake, this pee-stained lump-fruit tastes less like cider and cinnamon and more like a urine-soaked gas station bathroom floor that someone accidentally spilled cinnamon on. Which makes this apple less Autumn Glory more Autumn Glory Hole.
- That being said, this nasty piss floor of an apple does have the benefit of tasting unique.
- And while it certainly won’t be for everyone, there are an adventurous few who may actually enjoy a walk on the wild side.
Uh yeah, of course they loved that apple. Dude said it himself, it's useful for.making cider. What did he think they were eating them? Those dudes were drunk as hell.
However, Juicy Fruit may be a more appropriate label than Ludacrisp since while this apple is only moderately crispy, it is, in fact, ludicrously juicy. As juicy as a ho’s ass – as Luda might say.
Okay I love it.
What's all this apple ranking? We already have the perfect apple, Granny Smith.
Cheap, lasts awhile, good tasting, crunchy af, not unsettlingly sweet, and great for baking.
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Candy Crisp Apple Review "A Pear-Cucked Red Delicious" https://applerankings.com/candy-crisp-apple-review/
Pink Lady is my jam.
fuck yeah you get it
this is actually an applerankings.com fan site
Sand filled condom
Does my favorite apple-loving lib, Samuel Seder, know about this?
Apple rankings are fake
Apple breeds and cultivars are fake
Apple's taste depends way more on the health of the particular tree and soil than the "cultivar". I've had so many apples from the "same cultivar", even bought from the physically same grocery store only 1 year apart, that taste completely different.
The only breed I've had that maintained any sort of consistency is the Fuji apple (and also the standard Red/Golden Delicious and Granny Smith, but these suck for eating raw). And even then the Fuji has deteriorated a lot over the last 2 decades--I first noticed this in 2011 and it was confirmed via a study in 2013.
Stuff like Pink Lady, Lady Alice, Honeycrisp, has never had any real consistency over the years
yeah i'm gonna have to call bullshit here. cultivars can certainly change over time because they're living things, but like if i go pick a honeycrips or sweetango from the grocery store it's gonna taste really good and it's just entirely different from a gala, the difference between cultivars is extremely obvious even if they're not as consistent as a processed product like cheetos. that website even talks about consistency and locality, assuming that the reason fuji apples are popular in japan is that they actually do taste better over there.
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I think your apple supply might just be shit. I can pretty consistently buy breeds of apple and get a similar experience
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