No Stupid Questions

at 67 you should be concerned with medical intervention and facilities nearby.

travel to see the countryside, stay as long as you like. keep your home base where it's at. Boston is one of the best places for medical care in the US.

As someone who moved to a remote countryside area 2 years ago, I can tell you that we regret it and are looking to move back to a more populated area. Do an extended trip there or a year sabbatical in a rental and then you'll know for sure.

I’m from the Boston area, lived in rural NH as well as in Lawrence:

If you move to Wyoming, you will regret it. It’s got the coldest weather in the country outside northern Alaska with killer wind chill worse than Minnesota. Yeah, 2 hours away from doctors sucks, but now imagine that in the winter, driving conditions being the same thing as 495 after a snowstorm but constant. In retirement, for me, I don’t think it’s wise to fight against weather… I get that the city and hot weather isn’t for everyone, but if you’re looking for temperate weather that won’t kill you, look into Eureka, CA or Coos Bay, OR; those places are basically Boston springtime but all year round. They’re also small communities and absolutely not rat races like Boston can be.

This is a very strange time to want to move from one of the most politically progressive to one of the most politically conservative states in the country. I'm assuming your husband is an American-born straight white cis man?

Regardless of politics, has he ever been to Wyoming? It's a huge state, and much of it is a dry, barren wind tunnel. The NW corner is quite pretty, but also quite expensive. Depending on your budget, he may be surprised to realize the places within financial limits are not anywhere near as nice to live as the photographs indicate, and that's completely ignoring the issues re: remoteness that others have already described. Seriously you could not pay me to move to most places in Wyoming due to the wind alone; I cannot emphasize enough how windy the I-80 corridor (near the "population centers" of Laramie and Cheyenne) can get.

Basically what I'm getting at is "why Wyoming" of all places?

Things to consider:

Nearest hospital.

Nearest fire department.

Nearest Police station.

Nearest post office.

Nearest doctors office.

Nearest grocery.

Nearest airport.

Do you currently indulge in things like food delivery?

If all that can be reconciled then living nearly anywhere is fine.

Middle of nowhere gets real hard as you get older

Do NOT leave Boston.

Go visit places, stay for a bit. But, do not move.

Big factor for me is whether or not either of you have lived rural before.

I worked in a very remote medical center not too far from where you're considering. I needed to send a patient to a hospital for a severe infection one of my first days there. Life flight refused because of winter weather. The ambulance driver came to me and quietly asked if the patient really needed to go today. After I told him yes it was striking to see them strap tire chains, shovels, and a generator to the exterior before leaving. They really weren't sure they were going to get to town that night.

You miss out on many of the benefits of modern medicine when you're in a town of less than 20,000, and you'll need to be ok with driving for hours for specialist care in a city of less than 100,000.

I-80 in Wyoming closes so often for weather that they have permanently installed gates across all lanes.

That being said, an adventurous and self-reliant lifestyle is one of the best things you can do for your health and longevity. If you know what you are getting into and think this would help you thrive, I'd say go for it with the agreement that if health changes you will move back to a city.

Maybe a better approach is to find out what seems attractive in that type of life. You may be able to find it still somewhat near what you’re used to. Massachusetts still has plenty of small towns, lower cost areas, and rural areas, as do the rest of New England. But you’ll still be near whatever friends and family, medical care, transportation, be able to go into Boston if you want, progressive politics, etc

Worst case scenario, the Adirondacks have plenty of cheap low priced places to live. It’s remote but not that remote nor that as jarring a change

Do yourself a favor. Spend Christmas through New Year's in the town you're planning on moving to first.

I wouldn't move to wyoming of all places, for sure, that place is hell on earth. The boston metro area is great for aging, especially as you get well into your 80s and your ability to drive flags. The lack of community infrastructure in wyoming will mean you'll either die or have to go into a home as you age because how will you get groceries? At least in the boston area you have ready access to taxis and ubers and public transit everywhere.

Don't forget that the politics of wyoming are vastly vastly different than the boston area, you're going from one of the most progressive areas in the US to one of the most conservative states.

Living a rural rancher lifestyle requires hardiness and support structures. Most ranchers have generations in the same place, know their neighbors, have local community, etc. You're coming in as a stranger and people out there hate outsiders coming in. It's an expensive hobby and a hard job.

If you like dust, fires, wind, drought, mormons, republicans, big rig black cloud trucks, and guns you'll probably like it.

Question, have either of you lived in a rural area before? I am originally from LA and it’s hard to describe how jarring it is to move to a rural area. There is no “quick trip to the store” when the closest one is an hour away. Also I never got used to how limited the selection was once I got out of a big area. You’re right to be concerned about emergencies, the closest dr will probably be a considerable drive away. The internet makes the world feel smaller, but rural areas don’t tend to have faster internet so you might not be able to do things like remote dr visits to compensate for the distance. My in-laws complain constantly about their septic tank, and they cannot use their well water for drinking. It’s a huge lifestyle change and you’re right for being hesitant.

Maybe rent a VRBO for a month and try it out.

The countryside can get pretty lonely. Once you retire there is no more socialising with coworkers. So there is only the family, friends and the community. Moving a way from family, friends and a place with lots of places to build new friendships (hobbies etc) could get lonely.

He's the one being unreasonable.

He's recently made one big change that he likes and is interested in trying other big changes. See if you can direct him to try something a little saner.

I've never met anyone who retired to the middle of nowhere who wasn't back near a city within 5 years because someone's health took a turn. That includes my mother who dreamed of living in a small coast town all her life an did so after retiring, but my step-father's diagnosis of parkinson's cut that short.

I didn't grow up in Wyoming but it was a rural state in the U.S. People romanticize rural areas until they actually live in one. If if you have a large town nearby and and your wealthy, or at least upper middle class it might be ok, but I'd highly recommend staying where you are.

It's not just the medical care, it's the culture. When you move to a rural area, if you aren't at least the 3rd generation you'll be looked at and treated as an outsider. That doesn't mean people will be hostile towards you, but you won't really be part of the community either.

The entertainment, food, and shopping options are also be very limited.

Edit: "recommend staying where you are"

I think we can all agree it's probably a bad idea.

Does that mean you shouldn't? Maybe. But maybe not. Sometimes it's fun to do something "wrong", because you want to, and maybe you'll really enjoy it anyway. Maybe you'll learn a lot about why it's a bad idea, and maybe you'll find those learnings enrich your life and give you stories to tell. I'm not trying to recommend this at all, I'm just saying you should consider it from all angles and outcomes before you make a decision, especially if this is something he really wants to do for whatever reason. Life is for living, it's not for making a series of optimal choices to result in the highest score. Experiences, both good and bad, are their own reward. And as long as nobody's going to get hurt, and you go into it with your eyes open and an understanding of the risks and potential downfalls, and do what you can to mitigate and protect against them as much as you can, maybe it's something you can try.

If it's really something you're not comfortable with, and he is, well then you two are going to have to have a long and hard talk about it and come to some mutually agreeable compromise. But even if it is objectively a bad idea, you also need to think about whether he's just naive and is going to hate it, or whether it's going to make him happy that he tried it, and whether it's an experience he needs to have in his life. Meanwhile, is it going to cause you resentment if you go there and hate it and he loves it? Will he listen to you if you decide you really do hate it and don't want to continue?

That's not something anyone can answer for you, but it has little to do with whether it's a bad idea and much more to do with what both of you want out of life.

You could compromise with a vacation cottage, budget permitting.

No that's forward thinking

A relative got billed thousands of dollars for post-medical transport back home. Insurance covered the cost to fly him to the hospital, but not the trip back. This guy has spent decades enjoying his home in the middle of nowhere, but everything has gotten harder as he's grown older. He knew he was getting short of breath more easily, but didn't realize his lungs were severely deteriorating -- until his wife found him passed out on the ground instead of doing yard work.

Now he has to use oxygen (5l/min) all the time, is mostly stuck in the house, and lives too far from most services to do anything. His wife can drive to town to get groceries and the like, but he has to calculate if he'll have enough oxygen to make a trip, and his wife doesn't want him driving at all lest he get dizzy and cause an accident. Airlines won't let him fly.

The couple are having a hard time finding people to drive all the way out to their place to help take care of things. They are pretty much stuck out there with a lot of chores they can't do and very little entertainment. They did finally manage to get someone to install a generator so when the power goes out (which happens often enough), they can keep recharging the oxygen.

Prior to this, he'd been making long trips to see doctors for back and neck pain because there weren't any close providers, but those docs somehow missed his breathing issues. I don't know if he was seeing a GP as well, but his choices were limited. Family had urged him to move somewhere more ... well, if not urban, at least suburban for over a decade because his medical care never seemed very good. Now it is nearly impossible.

Does that answer the question? The guy went from doing yard work one day to incapacitated the next. I'm sure the change is usually less instantaneous for most people, but there are cases like his where the change from healthy to 'not' is fast.

Not at all unreasonable.

If it's within your means, could y'all take a long trip out that way? I can't at all imagine what the draw is to rural Wyoming. It's hot as hell and dryer than an oven in summer, and it's insanely windy and cold in the winter. Maybe go take a week during each season and get an idea. I'm sure there are some ranchers out there that would hire a temporary farmhand as well.

Good luck.

I spent a few years living in a major city, but most of my life has been in rural areas. One thing you should keep in mind is that there is a wide range between Boston and Middle of nowhere, Wyoming.

You'll have the best odds of appreciating a rural move if you live in or around the biggest town a few hours from a major city.

You'd have convenient access to most of the goods and services that are available to you now, a hospital, groceries, gas stations, etc. and if you need to access a city for an airport, concerts, or other things we don't see in the middle of nowhere, it's only a few hours away.

Moving completely away from civilization sounds great at times, but it makes every day things very inconvenient. Going from having a city at your fingertips to nothing at all is going to be a much bigger culture shock than your husband expects.

Location matters. Cheyenne with a population of 65,132 is large enough to expect good medical care (though I didn't look this up - you should!), and is only a few hours drive from Denver. It is also small enough that you can live practically in the city while also being in the rural exurbs. Something like this may be a good compromise depending on exactly why you want live in a rural area and what you want. There are other "cities" with good enough medical care available (and don't forget to look just across the border at other states). Maybe you can find a best of both worlds situation.

That said, you should be thinking about what next. Because at your age things can go downhill fast. You need to have good long term care for a nursing home (make sure it is good - you don't want to be in a nursing home that stinks like a sewer system so don't buy on cost). Make sure you have a plan on how and where you will move "back" when/if life forces it on you.

Remember farming/ranching is dangerous. Make sure you understand all the safety processes and don't cut corners. You are doing this as a hobby so feel free to lose money or hire out things.

That said, staying active in old age is your best way to get and stay health such that you can do those things. Those who sit around on the couch after retiring tend to die quick. My great-uncle ran his North Dakota ranch until 95 and only stopped because he couldn't care for his wife's Alzheimer's and run the ranch, I believe the activity is part of why he lived so long.

Buy some land with a cabin out in Fuckstick, Maine and spend a summer up there. Same thing with slightly less crazy Republicans for neighbors.

No, you’re not being unreasonable. In my opinion, you’re being the more rational one.

I can see why he’s attracted to the idea of living in rural Wyoming, because it’s an absolutely beautiful place. However, the day-to-day practicalities can’t be ignored. If it’s in your budget, perhaps consider a long-term rental (a short-term rental won’t do. It would probably only reinforce his ideas). Once he really feels the isolation, he might change his mind. MIGHT. I don’t really have any better suggestions.

If a rural lifestyle is something he wants to experience before being too old for it, sooner is better than later, so I get the exploring options right now part. Having concerns about things changing fast is perfectly fine, but things can change fast at any age, too.

If you're not opposed to rural living aside from that, work together to find a place where decent medical care is reasonably accessible, even to the point of researching GPs in the area to find one that suits you both. Come to an agreement that, if necessary for either one of you, you'll move back to "civilization" as necessary.

You're not unreasonable, you're cautious, and it's normal for the first reaction to be "we shouldn't do that." Take a breath, understand that everything has risk, take some steps to mitigate your identified risks, and see how that works out.

My husband (67) officially retired last year

Are you still working?

Someone has been watching too much Clarksons Farm, lol

Seems like you have perfectly valid concerns regarding the logistics of making such a move. Have you brought up these concerns with him? If so, does he acknowledge them or ignore them?

With the orange admin cutting programs for rural healthcare, broadband, etc, I wouldn't risk it. He's harming people in rural areas at a lightning pace.

Further: my father was still playing hockey with younger guys while he was in his 70s. He was very active. His decline from that to death took about three years. He grew less and less mobile after an injury (playing hockey like a lunatic) and then broke his hip and that was it.

My dad is in his eighties. You know what he does for most of the day? He visits elderly people in the countryside who can no longer drive and are stuck at home.

No, you're right, and your husband is romanticizing the countryside. You'd be significantly better off looking in places like Virginia, where you can find ranch properties and feel like you're well out into the country while still being ~30 minutes from a Richmond-sized city.

+1 on the Lemmy who recommended trying it out. If you don't, he's gonna live with regret about what he could have done with his only life